How to have my BPD ex back after he totally ignored me?

[Jossie Lee]

Me and my BPD bf has broke up 3 months ago, he broke up with me. I tried to contact him after 2 months, he replied nicely. Only 2 days later, he blocked me on Whatsapp, and never replies to my msg since then. I still want us get back together as a couple, but how can I do it? Is there any BPD can help with my situation, I want to know what is in his mind.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[livednlearned]

Hi Jossie Lee,

Welcome and hello 

Breakups with a BPD sufferer are pretty tough, sorry to hear you're going through this.

Can you tell us a little about what led to the break up? How long were you two together, and were there breakups throughout the relationship? If so, who was the person that usually initiated contact?

Not all people with BPD are the same, and not all BPD relationships are the same. We are people who lived with and loved someone with BPD, so there are not BPD sufferers here to share how they think about things. Maybe it would help to explain how you're thinking about the relationship and the dynamic that led to the breakup?

Keep posting. It really does help.

LnL

LnL

[Jossie Lee]

Thank you for replying. We were together for about 6 months. He broke up with me because I promised to pay for the stuff which makes him high (he has substance abuse habit) and I hesitated after we got to his friend's place. Then he kicked me out of his car and said "get out of my life", I saw his car was driving around but I took a bus home, I never met him ever since.I felt bad for not helping, cuz he lost his job at that time, I know he stressed out. I wanted to fix it but don't know how to reach out since he's been really difficult to deal with. I text him on Whatsapp after 2 months break up, he seemed happy to chat again, but when I asked to get back together, he told me that he needed time to be sure, and he seemed a bit sad for me not contacting him for a long time, I felt bad for I was always doing wrong and can't understand what he really wants. I told him that I still care and love him and I'd love to fix my mistakes and he blocked me right away on Whatsapp.

Yes, there are breakups throughout the relationship, I did few times in the beginning, most time I was the one who initiated contact. He wouldn't do it even when he was wrong, and he'd let his mom contact me in the past.

I want to know what is he thinking, is there a chance to have him back at all? 

[livednlearned]

There are no magic formulas to win someone back, though sometimes we do things inadvertently, not realizing they are fueling conflict or making things worse.

In BPD relationships, it's easy to fall into the trap of appeasing, fixing, rescuing -- doing anything to make them feel better or get them to dial down the conflict. As a result, we become needy (not attractive), and feel bad all the time (not attractive).

How different are you from being the person you were when you two met? People with BPD don't have boundaries, so you have to be the one who provides them. It seems like he wants you to be strong, and in response, you are clinging, saying anything you can to win him back.

What would happen if you presented yourself as having confidence, being yourself awesome self 

LnL

[Jossie Lee]

Thank you so much, I'll try doing my best.