She sent me this

[Fateful]

... .video, telling me I "should watch this." It's basically about how men need to stand by their women and not run away in times of "fluctuation." Although, towards the end he made the comment about being in dysfunctional/codependent relationship and it not working.

I shouldn't have watched this. It triggered immense feelings of guilt in me. I was there for her -- listening, staying up all night, trying to show her that I cared about her and the relationship. It wasn't enough. Now, the fact that I have gone NC to her is me not being there and hiding away. Am I supposed to be there for you after you lock me in your apartment, physically grab and push me, and emotionally/verbally tear me apart? I should still be there for you, right? There was a point before the break up where our argument got too intense and I asked for a couple days to myself which she could not respect, so I guess she took that as me running away too.

Her sharing this video is all about HER and her being the victim of me neglecting the relationship somehow without the slightest hint of her facing her behavior which caused me to leave. I believe that I did everything I could for the relationship -- it just never was enough. She was insatiable and still is today, doing everything in her power to validate to herself that I am a lowlife who doesn't know what a relationship takes and she is the victim -- hurting me in the process.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZBI_gxQKv0

[pfeiffj1]

Do not get suckered in by this.  This is part of borderline manipulation.  Stay no contact and run for the hills.  Eventually, she will find another sucker.

[JQ]

Fateful,

I'm sorry to see that you've been triggered by the video and that you have feelings of guilt, frustration, among others. pfeiffj is correct, it's an attempt to manipulate you into doing something that you don't need or want.  I glad to see that you reach out to us in your moment ... .we're hear to hold out a hand to  pull you back up!  Stay strong! YOU got this and we got YOU!

You are right, the video and the things that go with it are ALL ABOUT HER!  So where does your mental & physical well being come into play?  Those who suffer from this Cluster B Mental Illness have intense fears of abandonment no matter if they're real or not. In addition they have intense fears of engulfment as you have surely read on this sight. I hope that you can see that this is just another way of her trying to manipulate you into feeling guilty and returning onboard the Crazy Train Roller Coaster so that you can put all HER flying monkey's back in their cages.

YOU need to take care of YOU!  My question is if you want NC how did she get the video to you?  If you have decided to go NC for your own mental & physical well being, then go NC. This means block ALL social media, lock it down!  Block her phone number then delete it so she can call or text you. Put her email in your span folder then empty it without looking at it. This will help you avoid the feelings you're feeling now again sometime in the future.

YOU have to take an active role in YOUR recovery!    Stay strong!

Here's a video just for you ... .https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ZQeMv5PXhg

J

[WoundedBibi]

I might watch the entire video tomorrow, I'm too tired right now, but he already said something really important in the first few minutes about relationships: PICK WISELY.

You picked wrong this time. Better luck next time. Mainly by basing your choice on different principles. You're working on that.

Meanwhile: you have nothing to feel guilty about. She held you captive. Hello? That is not normal.

That is not a question of running away in times of fluctuation, it is running away in times of insanity. Once again it is about her: "poor me, you're an a... hole and here's a video to prove it". Same as last week, just with a video added as 'proof'.

Make sure her emails go to your spam folder. No more of this triggering BS. She is trying to hurt you and she is succeeding.

[pdc62]

I can relate to your comment about the dysfunctional part. Our last break up 3 1/2 weeks ago she pulled that on me as well. I was blown away with that comment. For the last 5 years and every break up came from her. And of course my part in the deal was getting back together with her. They seem to forget who creates most of the dysfunction in the relationship. God only knows, that in my case I watched the wind blow and could see that it would start to blow in another direction and I could see another break up coming. It seems that for 6 months everything is fine and then its time to break up and yes this is dysfunctional but BPD party creates all the havoc.

[Makersmarksman]

Yep, mine is a daily FB browser but she hardly ever posts her own threads, and even less frequently forwards someone elses post.  Just last week she posted a link to "How to love a highly creative woman", which was essentially a piece on how we should accept that "highly creative" woman are all over the place in their heads, and men should just surrender all their self respect and accept them.  This is just something she NEVER would have put out there before, but we are now separated (again) and she has been served.  She was clearly already setting up her new FB personna victim status, but I didnt respond.  I have been NC for 2 months.