Hello to all,
Well it seems I am going to be a regular on this forum so I figure some background info detailing what has been going on in the last few months will help as I start to throw questions out there for you all
I have two daughters, very different in personality and always have been from the outset. It has been a family "joke" for many years that my eldest (19, nearly 20) was first in line when the empathy quality was being given out, and my youngest (now 16) is still waiting for her empathy switch to be switched on. Suffice to say that as I learn more about this condition, I can now see that early signs were always there with my daughter. That is probably for another thread however
So fast forward to our situation as we stand now. We moved country 5.5 years ago for the UK to USA when my daughter was only 10 years old . She seemed to adjust well , was doing well in school, had lots of good friends , was popular and was always looking for activities to become involved in. Fast forward 5 years and my husband was offered another job , so we moved again, across State, much to the anger and upset of my daughter around 10 months ago. She was furious that we were moving again (rightly so) and was very angry with her dad (for being selfish) and with me (for letting dad move us again). We knew moving again was going to be really hard, especially for my daughters but they had managed to adjust so well first time around (or so we thought!) and so my husband felt they could do so again "in time".
How wrong could we be!
So our first step into realizing all was not well with my youngest came a couple of months after we moved and she had started in her new High school. Her first hospitalization came about as a result of her seeking help for herself because she felt so low and was worried she was going to hurt herself. She called the police while my husband and I were out for a walk.
This extreme call for help absolutely threw us for a loop and it hit us like a bolt of lightening completely out of the blue as it seemed so out of character for her. Since then, we have basically been thrown into the pits of hell it seems. To cut a long story short, In the last 8 months she has been hospitalized three times, first with diagnosis of severe depression, then came a diagnosis of Bipolar 1 with severe rapid cycling, and more recently a diagnosis of severe recurrent depression wth psychotic symptoms and with BPD traits has surfaced.
School has been a recurring nightmare and seems to be one of the main stressors for her even though it's a good school and they have been pretty amazing actually in trying to help.
We have tried to encourage her to keep trying at school, despite her claims of not feeling like she's fitting in and feeling desperately unhappy there. She keeps in close daily contact with her old friends in our old State (who all seem to have mental health issues themselves btw!) and she has obviously been pining badly for her previous life. I completely get where she is coming from.
I guess I'm in a very strange place right now. One minute I find myself hoping against hope that this will all pass, and that as she matures and adjusts to all the changes that have occurred, that things will get better then in the next instance, I'm acknowledging that this is looking very much looking like a long term severe mental health condition that we are going to have to learn to accept and Cope with as a family. It's definitely a rollercoaster!
I blame ourselves for bringing this about because of the significant environmental changes we inflicted on our daughter that she has had to endure. Initially we believed that her difficulties and struggles were purely as a result of the recent move, however we have since learned over the last while, that she was actually having some difficulties before we moved State including self harm, but she was keeping them secret from us and sharing only with her friends. SHe has also shared with us that she has felt "different" for a very long time and dates it back to 7th grade when something really upset her at school (she won't share exactly what it was ). She says she knew she had some bizarre , abnormal thoughts that didn't make sense to her even at that young age.
She is such a mish mash of signs and symptoms these days and emotions of highs and lows, she has always been a rather strange mix of personality traits ranging from thoughtful and loving to appearing quite eccentric and quirky, and at one point a few years go, I did get very concerned about her seemly cold and unempathetic tendencies with a bit of a "mean" streak too particularly towards her older sister (who is much softer and very kind in nature). SHe tends to be very stoic in her general demeanor, she doesn't really go into rages (though tantrums as a toddler were aplenty!) and she views crying as a weakness so we very rarely see tears from her. SHe has always presented as very strong willed and generally quite a happy , popular girl who has a very sharp and sarcastic sense of humor and she prides herself in being strong and "different". When she was younger, she used to introduce herself to people with glee saying "I'm the naughty one!"
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Some days I feel she's mostly depressed and that this will eventually pass and/or she's just "jumping on the bandwagon that to have mental health issues is "cool" amongst teens right now, then other times I acknowledge the extent of the mental health issues she faces and I feel she is definitely very symptomatic of BPD. I've never fully agreed with the Bipolar diagnosis as I've never witnessed a "manic" or Hypomanic episode. The BPD traits definitely looks more accurate from what I've learned over the last few months and from what I continue to learn, and with benefits of hindsight too with some of the behaviors I've seen with my daughter over the years making some sense now.
At this point, just a few days after her most recent hospitalization, things are looking up (again!). We've been here before though, where she seems happy and well and settling into her new life here. We have made the decision to let her try Virtual online school. She doesn't want to drop out of high school , she wants to go on to college, have a career etc etc but is desperately unhappy at school and so we are going to try it. I have my concerns about it but I feel we need to show her that we are listening to her this time . Thankfully our school district here seems to have an excellent online school system and there is an actual campus that she still needs to attend daily, regardless, with teachers etc on site to support. So this might well work. We need to give it a shot, regardless, otherwise, my daughter is going to end up just quitting full stop.
Positives as of now?: My daughter is a beautiful, highly intelligent girl . She is holding down a part time job that she loves and she has made a lovely group of friends at work who are excellent with her and who support her. She has opened up to them and they seem to accept who she is. She has also recently met a boyfriend who she has been open and honest with. I dread the dramas ahead, but for now, all is well. She is feeling very positive about starting online school and while we wait for home tutoring to start to get her through the remainder of this semsester she is working away on some schoolwork given to her by her teachers. Taking the bricks and mortar school out of the equation appears to have been a heavy weight lifted off her shoulders. She has recently started DBT with a therapist who really wants to work with her and who told me a few days ago that my daughter is one of the few she treats who doesn't want to live her life with self harm and chronic suicidal thoughts and who recognizes the need to change.
She also recently started a DBT teen group but isn't really enjoying that as she feels that there "isn't enough work actually getting done as all the other kids just mess about".
She has insight into her difficulties and wants the help. She isn't very open about her feelings with me but does share with her friends and with her therapist/guidance counsellor at the school. More recently , I'm wondering if she doesn't share a lot of her troubles with me because she see's me as quite weak ( I cry at movies... .often!) or perhaps she is trying to shield me in some way. I don't know. ONe thing's for sure, she hates me seeing her cuts and results of self harm yet she shares pictures to her close friends on social media of the results of her self harm. I suspect this might be to ensure her friends don't abandon her.
Whatever happens, whatever she's given as a final diagnosis, I love my girl, always have, always will, and I'm in this for the long haul. My apologies with my ramblings, I'm aware I'm flitting about here and my writings aren't necessarily the most organized, I suppose I'm just writing as I think right now
