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Beware of Junk Psychology... Just because it's on the Internet doesn't mean it's true. Not all blogs and online "life coaches" are reliable, accurate, or healthy for you. Remember, there is no oversight, no competency testing, no registration, and no accountability for many sites - it is up to you to qualify the resource. Learn how to navigate this complicated arena...
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Author Topic: that feeling when you no your replaced  (Read 1042 times)
Chelsea 69

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 28


« on: April 29, 2016, 02:58:52 AM »

Hi... .I feel so empty I no this replacement has been the subject of my BPD for sometime now ... and that she has him in place I've been totally cut from the picture. . I do feel like I'm free but then I feel the pain and embarrassment. ... .my ego is a big one so my BPD knows I'm hurting but at the same time I no I'm better off out of it ... .confusing to say the least ... just hope when it goes tits  up my BPD doesn't start contact again  Attention(click to insert in post)
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Turkish
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: "Divorced"/abandoned in Feb 2013.
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« Reply #1 on: April 29, 2016, 03:06:56 AM »

What do you think you will do at that point? It took about two years for mne to reach out to me. She's still married to him. It's drama I don't want to engage in.
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    “For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
CC85

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 40


« Reply #2 on: April 29, 2016, 03:36:58 AM »

Chelsea 69,

I feel your pain, and it is so raw right now... .to cut my story brief (although see my other posts for the full picture), after a rollercoaster ride of 4 years in which we were engaged and have a 3yo son, my ex udBPDgf confessed 3 weeks ago that she had been texting and meeting with a work colleague and had kissed him. I told her to leave our family home (house I own in my name), and she did... .the following morning she started emailing me begging for forgiveness, saying she would kill herself if I didn't give her a chance. I let her back and she blocked the workmate and another mate who was in the know and encouraged her (basically a woman she calls Mum who resents me as I gave my ex a family and she didn't see as much of her). We vowed to make a go of things, but for the following week my ex avoided me, going to bed whilst putting our son to bed and completely withdrawing any affection.

When I confronted her the next Sat (2 weeks ago tomorrow), things came to a head and she said she was leaving, I told her to hand back the key as it wasn't her house so she called police who escorted her to a "safe house" and she has since been given a property, although won't tell me where.

I have had our son solely for 2 weeks and today is the first time he is seeing his Mummy again. My ex has been emailing me and she says in one email how she hasn't moved on and that it's me assuming she has, then in another email says she won't tell me anything as she's moving on with her life.

Like you say I know that if I went back it would only be a matter of time before there was another row (similar circumstances 2 years ago, which the split lasted for 8 weeks and nearly saw me go to jail over a fight with her Dad/bro). All my family and friends tell me I'd be living dangerously and that I'm best off without her as she'll never be normal.

My heart though is clinging onto the hope that she hasn't done anything with this guy, that she realises we could get help and live normally as a family. I want that passion we had, and feel like I will never have anything close to what we had. I've never suffered from addiction but this is like a drug I am hooked on, would do anything to get those intense good times back, even though they come with a cloud of devastation every now and then.

I still send emails now in the hope that something jerks a reaction and she comes running back, but then I fear if she does (like she did before) would I hear that she had moved on (as a fairly jealous person, this would destroy me).

I hold hope in that last time, she went 8 weeks and despite taunting me over the fact she would "be moving on in time" she never actually did anything (I probed and probed and she was adamant that she never moved on because she loved me). When I look back at the emails from that period, they follow a theme from me chasing (almost sounding desperate as if I was chasing a train before it reached the next station)... .her completely ignoring me or telling me to give up, until suddenly she emailed me in a changed tone and gradually I could see she wanted me back. Apparently she caught wind that I'd been seen with another girl so came running back. I really wish I knew how this would end up... .
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Chelsea 69

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 28


« Reply #3 on: April 29, 2016, 04:45:42 AM »

Thank you for the replys I no deep down I will not go back I pick our son up every weekend right on cue she say things that it myself esteem without fail the glow on her face is priceless. ... .so knowing she as another vitamin to pray on make me feel better sometimes but then others my ego kicks in and I'm hurting again  ... she is my drug and all drugs are bad ... .  I'll keep reading and day by day build my life back ... .

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CC85

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
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« Reply #4 on: April 29, 2016, 05:12:43 AM »

Chelsea, Good to hear your strong willed thoughts... .I hope someday soon I can have that strength too, as right now I find myself begging her to come back and sort things out. I think it's the fear of being alone and the fear of my son not having his family together. I cling onto the hope that she hasn't moved on and replaced me, but I get mixed signals from her... .1 email says she is moving on with her life, the next says she hasn't done anything and it's just me assuming things. Who knows!
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Chelsea 69

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 28


« Reply #5 on: April 29, 2016, 05:25:48 AM »

I got the same mixed messages about moving on then not moving on ... .I can't answer for you but I no now it's to keep you in arms reach in case they fail with the new one ... .once he's in her Web you may see what I've just seen a total cut off ... .I'm just taking it day by day I'll pick my son up on agreed days and that's the only contact I want from my BPD ... .these boards are my strength hope they end up being yours too ...
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JerryRG
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1832


« Reply #6 on: April 29, 2016, 07:58:22 AM »

One of my last conversations with my ex she stated she didn't want to be in a relationship but if she did it would be with me. A few days later I told her I had enough of the crazy and changed my number going nc. She was in a new relationship in less than 2 weeks, engaged in 4 weeks. Nothing says true love like that. I realize she doesn't have the ability to truly love anyone let alone herself.

She believes love is just people helping people, no compassion or intimacy, those things are too much for her to deal with.

She told me one time if I wanted a huggy kissy gf I better go find one. I am a huggy kissy guy, I'm not afraid of love and I can comprimise.

I know my exBPDgf is extremely mentally ill and tried to help, if her new relationship doesn't work out I am committed to never going back unless she really changed, that would take years of hard work.

Her pastor told me he's well aware of her mental state and there is nothing he can do to help her.

The same conclusion I came too and decided I had to let go.

Her reality is not where we all here live, our son is with her too
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Hadlee
formerly busygall
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
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« Reply #7 on: April 29, 2016, 08:03:48 AM »

She believes love is just people helping people, no compassion or intimacy, those things are too much for her to deal with.

I believe mine was like that too.
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JerryRG
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Posts: 1832


« Reply #8 on: April 29, 2016, 08:07:46 AM »

Hello busygall

It's kind of a cold unemotional functionality, I seen this in her mother as well, her mother displays little affection and life is being busy, working and making money.

Mother married for money and her husband detests my exgf and her siblings. Always thought it strange.

Maybe the lack of emotion for my exgf is a safer place for her?
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Hadlee
formerly busygall
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 424


« Reply #9 on: April 29, 2016, 08:25:38 AM »

Hello busygall

It's kind of a cold unemotional functionality, I seen this in her mother as well, her mother displays little affection and life is being busy, working and making money.

Mother married for money and her husband detests my exgf and her siblings. Always thought it strange.

Maybe the lack of emotion for my exgf is a safer place for her?

Yeah maybe it is.

My pwBPD's mother is on her third husband.  The second husband apparently rescued her from her "abusive husband", however number two turned out to be "abusive" as well. Hmmm... .it makes sense to me now.  The apple doesn't fall far from the tree Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) Smiling (click to insert in post)
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JerryRG
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1832


« Reply #10 on: April 29, 2016, 08:31:51 AM »

Oh yes and don't we repeat what we've learned from our parents?

My exes mother was in several abusive relationships as well, my exgf lost her father in divorce and I swear she's trying to relive this scenario through my son by making our relationship difficult if not impossible. Before I got legal rights through the courts she kept our son away and even told me outside the court room that she and my 6 month old son wanted nothing more than for me to stay the f out of their lives.

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