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Author Topic: You're Saying Never  (Read 893 times)
Saradane

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 43


« on: April 28, 2016, 05:10:02 PM »

I'm a bit confused about borderline splitting 

My ex has just split me back and left me for good. I've read countless articles stating that they never split you white again ever. When they split you back, it's game over. But a thread I just read here on bpdfamily said that they can split you white again after they experience their own rejection.

She's getting her attention void filled from friends, family, and probably other guys by victimizing herself and making me seem like the bad guy.

Do they ever split you white again? How long does it usually take?

If they do split you white again, is it just a temporary fix, or is it like starting all over again?

Thanks guys!
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blackbirdsong
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 314



« Reply #1 on: April 28, 2016, 05:13:12 PM »

I'm a bit confused about borderline splitting  

My ex has just split me back and left me for good. I've read countless articles stating that they never split you white again ever. When they split you back, it's game over. But a thread I just read here on bpdfamily said that they can split you white again after they experience their own rejection.

She's getting her attention void filled from friends, family, and probably other guys by victimizing herself and making me seem like the bad guy.

Do they ever split you white again? How long does it usually take?

If they do split you white again, is it just a temporary fix, or is it like starting all over again?

Thanks guys!

Yes, you can be white again, but not that 'shining white' from the early idealization phase. Smiling (click to insert in post)

The question is, do you (and why) want to be white again? Smiling (click to insert in post)
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SoMadSoSad
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Posts: 375


« Reply #2 on: April 28, 2016, 05:16:33 PM »

I will never be split white again no matter what. I think each situation is just different.
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HarleypsychRN
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Posts: 97


« Reply #3 on: April 28, 2016, 06:41:32 PM »

From everything that I've read, when they recycle you back into white, it's never that same white as the initial adoration. Additionally, once they realize they have you back (and have power over you) it's game over... .just wait for the fun and games to begin. It'll be more chaotic (IMHO) than the first time. I read about stories of people who have been recycled multiple times and I ask myself... .why?

I loved my ex-BPD (and am probably still in love with her) but no way I'm going back to that toxicity.

No thanks.

"The calendar changes, they don't)- Unknown
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bruceli
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« Reply #4 on: April 28, 2016, 07:33:27 PM »

I will never be split white again no matter what. I think each situation is just different.

I thought that too once upon a time, however a pwPD that I have known since childhood who painted me black decades ago did re-engage after 25 years.  She held out for about 5 years and then last year painted me black again.
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ShakinMyHead
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: single & dating
Posts: 72



« Reply #5 on: April 28, 2016, 08:43:18 PM »

Hi Saradane, I'm sorry for the pain you are in. "Feel your pain, don't be your pain." As for the "splitting", it's been my experience that pwNPD can paint you black and leave you their for all eternity. It's happened to me…and pwBPD go back and forth, according to their intimacy issues. Being idealized by the BP, being painted white, is all just a set up, a cat and mouse game, that's designed to take years off our lives. Being painted anything means that you are not being seen for the authentic person that you are. Being painted white is like being a golf ball, being Teed up to be hit back into the Black paint…different sides of the same coin. I myself am safe now, in the devalued, black abyss, of NC, and I'm staying here where I can't be hurt, and ultimately where we are safer, then being "painted white." and readying up for another round. Hugs, Be Strong  SMH
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ShakinMyHead
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: single & dating
Posts: 72



« Reply #6 on: April 28, 2016, 09:16:12 PM »

Hi Saradane, I'm sorry for the pain you are in. "Feel your pain, don't be your pain." As for the "splitting", it's been my experience that pwNPD can paint you black and leave you there for all eternity. It's happened to me…and pwBPD go back and forth, according to their intimacy issues. Being idealized by the BP, being painted white, is all just a set up, a cat and mouse game, that's designed to take years off our lives. Being painted anything means that you are not being seen for the authentic person that you are. Being painted white is like being a golf ball, being Teed up to be hit back into the Black paint…different sides of the same coin. I myself am safe now, in the devalued, black abyss, of NC, and I'm staying here where I can't be hurt, and ultimately where we are safer, then being "painted white." and readying up for another round. Hugs, Be Strong  SMH

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Makersmarksman
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Posts: 78


« Reply #7 on: April 28, 2016, 09:21:27 PM »

If you had a very long relationship, 10+ yrs , or a child with the BPDex you can and will be split white again, when they think they are at some rock bottom moment.  But, if you succumb to the recycle you will most certainly be split black again, and probably sooner rather than later.  My understanding i that only DBT therapy can help a borderline with their splitting mechanisms and that is no guarantee either.
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MapleBob
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Posts: 724



« Reply #8 on: April 29, 2016, 10:38:56 AM »

I think that some people manage to be "split grey" again, but never all the way back to white.

It's bizarre and frustrating to witness how powerless they are over this. My uBPDex and I managed to stay in touch for ten months after our official final breakup. We tried to sort things out, and come to closure or understanding of what had happened, and we even made what could have been attempts to lay a foundation for reconciliation (although she wouldn't ever openly admit that that's what we were doing)... .

But, to cut a long story short: mentally/emotionally healthy people can look at evidence and realize their mistakes and come to terms with things that they misinterpreted. Mentally/emotionally healthy people are capable of compromise, and emotional regulation, and can take a balanced approach to conflict (eventually). pwBPD can not. Even after admitting and understanding that she was "wrong about SO MUCH", my ex could not split me white again - and even she was confused by that!

(And they'll blame you for making it this way.)
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