Steps to get out of FOG

[RR4U]

I feel myself slipping into a depression state again. Just restarted going to gym. Feeling lost. He keeps threatening divorce I can no longer beg him not too file.  I just wish he would do it already. I'm exhausted and not even sure where to start with anything. I no longer have HOPE that things will get better. I just don't have the strength to leave yet. 

Told my T I want to find a support group to attend just not sure even what type I'm looking for.  Wish everything would stop spinning

[Lucky Jim]

Hey RR4U, Feelings of depression often happen when one feels powerless over a situation.  Perhaps some of these feelings stem from you waiting for him to do/not do something, which is of course out of your control.  Instead, I suggest you focus on what is within your control, like going to the gym or determining for yourself whether you want a divorce.  It's not all up to him; you can decide for yourself, right?  The only way forward, in my view, is when YOU figure out what YOU want to do.  What is the right path for YOU?  You get the idea.  It doesn't have to be all or nothing.  For example, you could take a break by spending a weekend by yourself, visiting friends or family.  You could move out on a temporary basis, until you get centered again.  Suggest you think about what would help you to feel better.

LuckyJim

[Cloudy Days]

Funny thing about those divorce threats, I don't think they ever really mean them. My husband had used divorce as a manipulative tool against me for a long time. It hurt every time he said it and I believed him every time he said it. It was once I no longer cared if he divorced me or not that something changed in me. I think you really have to be ok with losing your relationship before anything will actually get better. I mean what was I going to lose, constant divorce threats? I finally got it that I needed to call his bluff. So when he told me to get out, I would pack my bags and leave (he would immediately call me to come back or work it out so I wouldn't leave). When he would tell me he wanted a divorce I would tell him to go hire a divorce lawyer then, that I loved him but I didn't want to be married to someone who doesn't want to be married to me. I don't know if these tactics would work for you, but eventually my husband stopped using divorce as a scare tactic. He stills says it when he gets really upset with me, but it's more along the lines of "maybe we should just get a divorce". Clearly saying it to upset me, but obviously it's not a threat like it used to be. I would beg him not to divorce me or not to leave, that's what he wanted. He would get a little pick me up when I begged him not to go. He also got very angry at me when I didn't chase him the first few times. He left and came back and said, why didn't you even try to stop me, you don't care if I leave?