Got to speak with my exBPDgf's aunt. Whoa

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Holy smokes, did I learn a thing or two!

So, my exBPDgf's aunt messaged me on FB the other day. My ex painted her aunt black about a year ago, after she helped my ex get a new house for rent.

Apparently, my ex ran into her cousin, and told him I was the one that broke up with her and cheated, that I was abusive and treated her like crap. None of which was true. So the aunt having raised my ex for half her life, messaged me on FB because she knew it wasn't true.

In a two hour Facebook conversation, I learned MORE about my exBPDgf, than I did in 4 years actually being with her. From a highly abusive childhood, to pathological lying, to explaining why she has played manipulative games and "moderately" stalked me post relationship and that "chewing people up and spitting people out" has been her M.O. for years. Wow, I kinda wished I had a chance to speak to her during year 2 and not post break up. I probably would have ended it then.

Is this common? Lying about who actually did the break up? Is it a way to portray themselves as the victim?

Also, is it common that they would keep us away from particular friends or family members in fear of us learning the "truth"?

Her aunt is also VERY CERTAIN she will attempt a recycle. My ex seems to repeat the same behavior patterns as her mother. Who has had a very long push/pull relationship with a man for over 20 years. She breaks up with him, sleeps with a bunch of guys and then recycles him over and over and over again. It seems now my exBPDgf will more than likely attempt the same thing, since it's something she grew up watching almost her entire life.

It was a very enlightening experience talking to her aunt. It reaffirmed in me that No Contact is truly the BEST thing to do in these situations.

[Dhand77]

Holy smokes, did I learn a thing or two!

So, my exBPDgf's aunt messaged me on FB the other day. My ex painted her aunt black about a year ago, after she helped my ex get a new house for rent.

Apparently, my ex ran into her cousin, and told him I was the one that broke up with her and cheated, that I was abusive and treated her like crap. None of which was true. So the aunt having raised my ex for half her life, messaged me on FB because she knew it wasn't true.

In a two hour Facebook conversation, I learned MORE about my exBPDgf, than I did in 4 years actually being with her. From a highly abusive childhood, to pathological lying, to explaining why she has played manipulative games and "moderately" stalked me post relationship and that "chewing people up and spitting people out" has been her M.O. for years. Wow, I kinda wished I had a chance to speak to her during year 2 and not post break up. I probably would have ended it then.

Is this common? Lying about who actually did the break up? Is it a way to portray themselves as the victim?

Also, is it common that they would keep us away from particular friends or family members in fear of us learning the "truth"?

Her aunt is also VERY CERTAIN she will attempt a recycle. My ex seems to repeat the same behavior patterns as her mother. Who has had a very long push/pull relationship with a man for over 20 years. She breaks up with him, sleeps with a bunch of guys and then recycles him over and over and over again. It seems now my exBPDgf will more than likely attempt the same thing, since it's something she grew up watching almost her entire life.

It was a very enlightening experience talking to her aunt. It reaffirmed in me that No Contact is truly the BEST thing to do in these situations.

[JerryRG]

Hey Dhand77

I'm really glad you got this bit of treasure, the truth comes out in the end and pwBPD do not like truth.

Glad you found out things now and this gives you better insight

[Confused?]

Holy smokes, did I learn a thing or two!

So, my exBPDgf's aunt messaged me on FB the other day. My ex painted her aunt black about a year ago, after she helped my ex get a new house for rent.

Apparently, my ex ran into her cousin, and told him I was the one that broke up with her and cheated, that I was abusive and treated her like crap. None of which was true. So the aunt having raised my ex for half her life, messaged me on FB because she knew it wasn't true.

In a two hour Facebook conversation, I learned MORE about my exBPDgf, than I did in 4 years actually being with her. From a highly abusive childhood, to pathological lying, to explaining why she has played manipulative games and "moderately" stalked me post relationship and that "chewing people up and spitting people out" has been her M.O. for years. Wow, I kinda wished I had a chance to speak to her during year 2 and not post break up. I probably would have ended it then.

Is this common? Lying about who actually did the break up? Is it a way to portray themselves as the victim?

Also, is it common that they would keep us away from particular friends or family members in fear of us learning the "truth"?

Her aunt is also VERY CERTAIN she will attempt a recycle. My ex seems to repeat the same behavior patterns as her mother. Who has had a very long push/pull relationship with a man for over 20 years. She breaks up with him, sleeps with a bunch of guys and then recycles him over and over and over again. It seems now my exBPDgf will more than likely attempt the same thing, since it's something she grew up watching almost her entire life.

It was a very enlightening experience talking to her aunt. It reaffirmed in me that No Contact is truly the BEST thing to do in these situations.

My ex lied about the break up. She actually was lying to a friend of mine which I introduced her to and she was living with. She said we were broken up while we were together. She started seeing a new guy and told my friend I was abusive and I was stalking her. All this was going on while we were still together. It was crazy push pull behavior that I have never seen before. About two weeks after she met the guy she told me "well I guess we aren't together anymore so I'll delete our relationship on Facebook". Two weeks after that I caught her with him. A week after that she moved in with him. Two weeks after that she told me he was abusive and she made a mistake. She moved in with her family short after. We recycled for two months. Then the same thing happend with another guy.

I didn't know what she was saying about our relationship to other people until she replaced me for a second time. That's when I started asking friends what she told them. It was probably the fastest most crazy insane 6 months of my life.

[JerryRG]

The only person I talked to were my exes brother and sister in law and her mother, all were disgusted with her. Her sister in law said to just let her destroy her life. The brothers think she's insane and they liked me but knew I was in for a nightmare.

Mother told me my exgf was not like normal people and to run run away! My exes ex husband was also welcomed into the family but this upset my exgf to the point she destroyed the marrage. Mother told my exgfs husband, don't marry that b***h

I did indeed dodge a bullet, who knows what else my exgf is saying about me?

[Dhand77]

The only person I talked to were my exes brother and sister in law and her mother, all were disgusted with her. Her sister in law said to just let her destroy her life. The brothers think she's insane and they liked me but knew I was in for a nightmare.

Mother told me my exgf was not like normal people and to run run away! My exes ex husband was also welcomed into the family but this upset my exgf to the point she destroyed the marrage. Mother told my exgfs husband, don't marry that b***h

I did indeed dodge a bullet, who knows what else my exgf is saying about me?

Same thing with the aunt, uncle and cousin. They all really liked me. When they found out my ex was with me, and was actually dating a "good guy" for once in her life, they thought that maybe she finally matured and was growing up finally. Apparently, I was the only actual "good guy" she dated, and only her second longest relationship. He ex husband was a heroin addict, and she only ever dated losers or addicts.

The lies, astound me. In four years, we only had 4 or 5 arguments. Which is why I always thought everything was great. But once I helped her get away from the negative people in her life, it became inevitable that once the drama in her life dried up, she would turn the microscope on me. The guy that never brought her drama and never once complicated her life.

People with BPD are truly mixed up.

[JayReader27]

Hey Dhand77

I'm really glad you got this bit of treasure, the truth comes out in the end and pwBPD do not like truth.

Glad you found out things now and this gives you better insight

This is so true. And when you tell the truth to them or to anyone they know they can be vindictive towards you because they fear being exposed. The important thing to remember is that when they recycle just ignore them, and keep it pushing.

[Dhand77]

Hey Dhand77

I'm really glad you got this bit of treasure, the truth comes out in the end and pwBPD do not like truth.

Glad you found out things now and this gives you better insight

This is so true. And when you tell the truth to them or to anyone they know they can be vindictive towards you because they fear being exposed. The important thing to remember is that when they recycle just ignore them, and keep it pushing.

The longer I'm away, the clearer I become. She can lie all she likes about me, all she wants. The people in MY life know she is full of crap. Even some of her family members know she is full of crap.

I remember telling her, "Next to your kids and your college education, I'm one of the best things in your life, and you're throwing that away." She laughed at me, told me I was "full of myself" and began belittling me and calling me names. Half way through my conversation with her Aunt, what did she tell me? "You were one of the best things in her life and she threw you away. She doesn't deserve you. Now stay away from her at all costs". Even the woman that raised her for part of her life knew I was right, and I didn't even have to tell her I said that.

[JerryRG]

My exes sister in law told me to not let my exgf rent space in my head, she wasn't worth it at all. To let her destroy herself and pray she hits rock bottom before she destroys our son and anyone else who get in her path. She's burned her own family so many times they don't pay any attention to her, crying wolf

I know one thing for sure, no one will ever give her more than I did and still love her, I'm not sure of the why's yet because I'm just beginning to understand myself.

She's now saying things about me that cut me even deeper, she will have to live with those choices.