For those of you who can't get over them or are facing a recycle

Greetings all. It's been awhile since I've posted on here, basically since my gfwBPD reached out her feelers for a recycle and I caved. As in the title, this post is dedicated for any of who who can't seem to get over your exBPD or are facing a recycle and don't know what to do. Let me fill you in on my situation so you will understand how futile it is. Excuse me if this gets too long but I need to get my feelings out there.

My backstory (as brief as possible). We met online about 4 years ago, met a year later, almost immediately starting dating and became an official couple after only a few weeks. Unbeknownst to me at the time, she exhibited all of the standard traits of BPD. Extreme love bombing, constant affection, great sex, etc. About 6-7 months in, the rollercoaster began, where it stayed for another couple of years. We broke up after about a year but never really broke up. Dated for another year and broke up again but she begged and pleaded for me to come back. I caved again. A couple of months after that (last November) she broke up with me completely out of the blue. I was relieved to a degree but equally shocked and depressed. I searched for answers which eventually led me to BPD and this board. I've gained so much knowledge through all of you people and I can't thank you enough.

After a rough couple of months I began doing very well. Taking care of myself, looking towards the future. Still sad about the breakup, but I was in control. I also was fully aware of the realistic possibility that she would come back. I learned from a couple of friends that she very likely cheated on me twice last year with two different men. I had to come to terms with that, and it wasn't easy. Well, on Valentine's Day I got the call.

I ignored. She texted me some pity texts after that. "I gained 20 pounds." "You truly win." I ignored. A few days later I finally gained the strength to close the door. I texted her telling her to come get her stuff out of my storage unit and blocked her on Facebook and Instagram. That was tough. Afterwards, she called me and began bombarding me with more pity texts, which I ignored. She finally said the magic words. She's been working on herself and has been in therapy. I finally decided to call her back. Big mistake.

We talked for an hour (she cried the whole time), but it led to some great conversations. She explained to me what went down with my replacement (whom she'd been lining up for some time before she split). She was done with him. It all felt new and good again, fresh, and our communication was better than it had ever been.

Over time things never added up. I let her back into my home, but she never wanted me to come down by her (we live 2 hours apart). Fair enough. Give her time. Things seemed to be going just fine until I realized that my replacement was still in the picture. She explained it as "he's still hanging around my work" or "he keeps begging for me back but I want nothing to do with him." Believable story, only over time it became apparent that she was definitely hiding something.

About a month ago she left for a 2.5 week trip overseas. I spent the week with her beforehand and drove her to the airport. She was full of love and genuine affection. A few days into the trip I more or less stopped hearing from her. Also, she stressed to me before she left and once during the trip that she needs alone time when she gets back. Strange, but fair enough. Within this time, being the good boyfriend, I cleaned her bedroom, bought her a beautiful "welcome home" orchid, took her car to the shop to be looked at, got an oil change, and washed, waxed, and detailed it by hand. 4 hours of labor... .

Well, when she came home I received a nice "thank you for the flowers" text, the next morning... .and I barely heard from her all week. Last Sunday was the first time I saw her, and it was a nice day. I booked a hotel room for us to relax in for the day, the same hotel we stayed at for a friend's wedding a few years ago that she still talks about to this day. It was the first time she saw her car, and she was elated.

Fast forward to last night. I received a text from a mutual friend who was in her restaurant hanging out with the group, including my replacement. He told me "It's time to get rid of her!" They were disgusted with her behavior and left. I found out that she was being rather lovey dovey and affectionate with my replacement. She sat close to him, put her bare feet on his chair, and at one point smacked him in the face with her foot. Definitely not behavior you exhibit with an ex who you're trying to "work out the friendship" with. I called her and calmly asked her what's going on between them. She quickly became enraged, claiming that I'm keeping tabs on her. She sent hateful texts to my friends. Basically, she was caught in a lie and instead of being upset with herself, she became upset that my friends filled me in on her behavior. She texted me stuff that "now her night is ruined" and "you're not my keeper," and went on saying that her and I are "working things out" and not actually "together," but we agreed to be monogamous and exclusive to each other. All the while I kept my tone calm and validating. I didn't hear from her at all today.

Those three months of work I put in were stripped away very quickly by her charms only to build me up and break me down again. I was suspicious this entire time, and eventually my suspicions were accurate. I predict that I won't hear from her for another few days, and when I do she'll probably be sweet to me again. I'm reaching the point where I need to drop her and for good. Block her on social media, block her number, close this door. I'm left feeling betrayed, and I cannot allow this behavior into my life. It's funny though. There is some hurt, but in a way I feel at peace. Peace knowing that I did absolutely everything I could do and she will never change. She's no longer the girl I first met. The girl who I went to a concert with on our first date and spent a great couple of days record shopping, trying to restaurants, exploring her city.

I love her tremendously. 3 years is a long time. I have extremely fond memories of her, and frankly since she's been back I could see myself marrying her and having children. Creating this life that we've always discussed, but it's all a charade. I miss that girl, but she's gone and will likely never come back. She will not change. She'll do it to the next guy and the next. My replacement is older than me but more inexperienced with women. He'll hurt and hurt hard, but it's not my problem. He's a big boy, and he'll find out the same way I did.

So, for those of you who feel that pain. You want them back. You're feeling the excitement of getting that phone call. Stop just for a second and look at the situation. This will all be temporary. It will be fast and intense. Once they get their hooks in you they'll take control and take advantage. Learn from my story. If you allow them back into your life you'll follow this same trajectory.

As for me, I think I'll be off to find a woman who I can truly be a partner with. Someone who will fulfill my needs, pick me up when I'm down, won't ridicule me, my friends, and my family. Someone who's first text of the day to me is "Good morning dear!" and not "Kill me. Today is gonna suck." Someone who I won't have to worry will cheat on me at any given chance. Take care.



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