I am reading posts here and remembering how heartbreaking it can be to break up the first time with your BPD partner. The first time we broke up, we had been dating only for about three months. I found out he had a girlfriend. I was going on a cruise the next day. I was so crushed... .I suppose looking back now, he was jealous I was going and wanted to ruin my time. He told me he was upset I wasn't taking him with me. On the ship, I was so sad and doing allot of crying. People thought I was going to jump ship! My friend and I got in a huge fight and didn't talk the whole day... .she thought I was being ridiculous. I went back to my room and cried and cried. I was obsessed with him- I thought I had lost my soulmate! I tried to avoid him completely once I got back. He did a bit of game playing with me and stupidly I let him... .briefly . I decided if you love someone let them go... .you know the rest. 3 months went by and all I did was cry all the time. I spent my nights barely able to eat. The only thing I ate was Maine lobster dip on crackers from Costco! (I can't even look at that stuff now!) I was so sad that I felt my heart was broken- more so than I had ever felt before with anyone else. Then one day I saw him walking and stopped to talk to him. He told me that he and the girlfriend broke up. I thought to myself- this is meant to be now... .what a dummy I was,
Ironically, he and this current gf dated about 3 years ago... .I found out. Their employer split them up after writing them up- they were not supposed to be involved with people in their own department, let alone married. They stopped seeing each other. She had sent him an email reaching out to him, I found it when he was in rehab (she didn't know about him being there, that's when I found her email). He told me he was trying to fend her off and he wasn't interested in her- she was married and he loved me. Then later he had the affair with another co-worker over the holidays. They then moved him to the store his current gf worked to be a manager, they must have forgotten about the write up... .He told her we were now separated. She must of thought... ."we are meant to be!" She promptly left her husband for mine... .Funny how we think. I know now I will be done the first time anything like this shows up! Just wanted to share this story if it helps any of you dealing with your breakups for the first time... .I had three more after that and that was after being married. Each time it is harder. I also thinks this shows once a cheater, always a cheater. We cannot necessarily be better than the last partner in these situations. I think if we can be stronger and get out the first time, we will save ourselves allot of heartbreak. I also think we need to go ahead and know what we will and won't accept how others treat us. We need to take better care of ourselves. We are so busy helping others to make them feel good, that we forget about ourselves. It's tough... .and it takes practice. We are pretty strong people to have gone through what we have... .it has to be possible to help ourselves even though it may feel better to take care of others to us.
