Broken

[bpdmom1]

Sitting in a hotel room.  Daughter came home from a RTC visit and refused to go back.  H decided to support her decision to stay.  She manipulated him into allowing her to stay as she could sense he had mixed feelings.  I left as I refuse to watch her take over the household.  She states that she didn't want me to leave, but I'm feeling that inside she is probably happy about it. 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Yepanotherone]

Oh god no BPD mom , this is awful , I can't imagine how heartbroken and defeated you must be feeling , my heart aches for you .    maybe take this take this time to let your tears and emotions flow freely ,  cry your eyes out until you are spent in the privacy of that hotel room, then  catch your breath, Wash your face with cold water and go tuck yourself into bed to try and get some rest . Tomorrow is another day xxxx lots of love to you 

[bpdmom1]

Yepanotherone,

Thanks.  I feel a little better today.  Talked with the RTC and some friends.  I don't know what is next.  I'm so heart broken.

[Yepanotherone]

Have you spoken with Hubble today ? What did he have to say about you being in a hotel room ?

[saphirewidow]

I'm so sorry for all the drama and the situation with daughter/husband.  I can't really see how rewarding bad behavior is the way to go in this situation.  If anything all of this shows just how much she is not ready to come home yet.  Hoping you were able to get some sleep last night and can gain some clarity and wisdom about what your next move will be.   

[bpdmom1]

H is sick about me being in a hotel room.  He wants to move her out in order for me to come home.  Just let her have her life he says.  We are working on getting setup with a therapist so we can figure this out. 

Thanks for your support. 

[Lollypop]

Hi BPDmom1

I'm relieved your H has been in touch. Also you're both getting support to try and work all of this out. It's all just so difficult to always know what the right thing to do is, I find it hard to fully accept "everybody is doing their very best" sometimes, particularly when I feel my H sabotages my efforts. I guess it's all a process, and we stumble and dust ourselves off to find a way forward.

Hugs

L

[lbjnltx]

I'm sorry this has happened.



How are you doing today?

lbj

[Yepanotherone]

H is sick about me being in a hotel room.  He wants to move her out in order for me to come home.  Just let her have her life he says.  We are working on getting setup with a therapist so we can figure this out. 

Thanks for your support. 

This is a really difficult one BPDmom that you'll definitely need some help from a therapist to to figure it out. It's just unbelievable . What a position to find yourself in and I'm sure your husband is absolutely horrified that it's come to this. Has your daughter expressed any feelings about it? Any guilt at all? Any remorse? Or is that wishful thinking with our BPD babies

[bpdmom1]

Home and working on getting help.  Thanks so much for your support.

[bpdmom1]

We met with the school and a family therapist.  Our educational consultant is working up a plan.  We meet with her next week.  My H ties his decision on keeping her home with the situation of her refusing to return.  He states that neither one of us could have taken her back without it becoming dangerous.  For some reason this is his justification for agreeing with her to stay home, plus that he doesn't feel she will put in the work if she is dragged back.  I think she might have stolen some money from my wallet, but not sure.  I went ahead and noted how much is left and will be checking it daily to be sure.  If I find that she is stealing, that will do it for me.  If my husband doesn't support her going back then I'm not sure we will have a future.

I doubt she has any guilt or remorse.  I'm still not talking with her.  She posted of fb that she doesn't need anyone in her life that tries to make her feel guilty as she hasn't done anything wrong.  Not sure if this was pointed at me for not talking to her or someone else.   

Not sure how we are going to be able to work through this.  I feel I've been put on the side and no longer have any say as my H has shown her that he trumps me.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Gorges]

Wow this could be me writing this post as far as my husband is concerned. I have just decided to let my husband call the shots but move to a hotel (got idea from you) if my daughter's behavior gets to a point that it is too stressful to live with (she is 18 and enrolled in a dorm for the fall). I figure I am no longer going to use my energy on arguing with him but with the power will come responsibility and it is on him. If I don't do this our marriage will be destroyed which will be bad for my kids and he would end up calling the shots anyway if we were divorced. FOr the first time today I kind of looked at this as a big weight off my shoulders. As Haut said , let go or be dragged.

We have also decided on counseling so an expert/outsider can also weigh in.

[bpdmom1]

Gorges,

I'll be interested how things turn out for you.  Thanks for sharing.  I'm back home, but still struggling, hurt and angry.  I really don't know how to be a parent in this situation going forward.  Hopefully the resources we have lined up will be able to help us get through this.  Good luck to you.