Crippling affects of sexual abuse

[bus boy]

I'm pretty sure my ex BPD/NPD wife was sexually abused. She not diagnosed as a BPD or NPD but has all the hallmarks. I have no past history to go on, I was her first serious relationship. She never talked about her past. Many of her co workers can't stand her. We did have a professional court appointed evaluation done. The result was, I am co dependant and they didn't want to out right say she had a PD but strongly stated that the test results point in that direction and had a very high likely hood of continuing her behaviour into future r/s. Her grand father was a terrible child molester. He molested all his children and most if not all his grandchildren. Through deep therapy my T assures me my ex was molested. It all came out when she was around 15 years old. He past was sealed tight. No matter how good I was to her, she always said I was horrable to her, never there. She told me I had to be there for her 100% 100% of the time and always be there to protect her. She demanded this and I tried hard but it was never enough. She was terrified of councelling, told me to go bc my family was crazy but said I was forbidden to talk about her to the councillor. When I was pushing councelling she got really crazy and started threatening violence, her mother even joined in on the threats. Her mother was molested by her father and she is very crazy. Me ex spent a lot of time at her grandfathers. I find it strange her mother would knowingly expose her children to a molester. They try to make it look like a happy family. My ex hated my family from the get go. Said the most vile things about them all the time. I was forbidden to talk about them, they weren't allowed in our house, I wasn't allowed to defend them or say nice things about them. It was very crazy. If I did say anything about my family she would get very sarcastic and say, I know your family was so perfect. I might be saying something simple and be met with this extreme sarcasm. I was a mental mess, never mind the emotional abuse on top of all this. Very overt, covert and stealthy.

[Turkish]

Narcissistic family dynamic. The individual members are sacrificed in order to keep the Family unit whole, and often seemingly functional to the outside world. I found this out when I reported then D3's uncle for touching her. "How could Turkish do that to our family?" Is what I heard from my Ex, as if D3 wasn't family.

I asked my Ex once if she was abused. I just had a feeling. She denied it emphatically. I never asked again. After the incident with our daughter, I talked her into going into a joint session with my T. My T asked her, "were you abused?" She admitted so. It was a long deceased relative in the Old Country. Her family doesn't know, but it then made more sense why she believed D3 (and supported my report, which earned her the ire of her family)...

My mother was by her father, horribly for years. 60 years later, she's still messed up with  PTSD, depression, and self diagnosed with BPD, bulumia, and OCD. I would add some king of anxiety disorder as well.

I hate this "world" and wish I were blissfully unaware of it. It twists and destroys innocence, and the projections result in additional victims.