Avoid wife moving out as part of separation

[ackybreaky]

My wife is highly intelligent, but acts emotionally and vindictive.  She wants to move out, but I know it is a mistake without trying to get some counseling.  We have tried counselors, but she usually walks out and blames me as I am the problem.   Not sure what will change her mind as she likes to recall every incident that she feels broke us.  We have been sleeping separately and barely communicating for over a month.  It begin with a small incident as usual, but I have avoided approaching her as I know there is no win, but now she will put my step son (her son) in transition and she will leave us little chance to reconcile or for her to seek help.  She claims her son is good for it and kids are resilient.  I want an opportunity to attend counseling again now that I am better informed.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[C.Stein]

Hello  ,

Sometimes it all feels like beating your head against a wall!  You try to push the boulder up the hill but she keeps trying to push it down the hill.

I encourage you to read the information that is available on this site, particularly with respect to boundaries and validation. 

https://bpdfamily.com/content/setting-boundaries

https://bpdfamily.com/content/communication-skills-validation


Why do you think your wife is ready to call it quits on the marriage?

[Mutt]

Hi ackybreaky,



I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a difficult time. Do you mean that your wife is a pwBPD that is high functioning? Was she diagnosed with BPD. It sounds like you have the right idea with trying to get counselling, but it also sounds like your wife is rejecting counselling? Are you seeing a therapist for yourself?

I'm glad that you have joined us. You will find many members here that share similar experiences with a relationship with a pwBPD and can offer you support and advice.

C.Stein has given you good links to help your relationship. A pwBPD have low self worth, low self esteem and are hyper critical with themselves and needs a lot of validation. I will leave you with a link on silent treatment if you have been barely communicating for a month. You're not alone.

BPD BEHAVIORS: Silent treatment - verbal abuse.