Why did I stay? Why did you?

[atomic popsicles]

I wanted so much to make the marriage work. He is so brilliant that I accepted his delusions as fact. It was so good... .he made me believe in love again. In me. He wrote me love notes. When he started changing I kept chasing the closeness like a drug. He was, at one point, who I considered to be a soul mate.

Even though it has just ended with a restraining order... .I miss him so much.

[JerryRG]

Everyone could see through my exgf but me, I guess I'm able to deny the facts enough to deliberately blind myself to reality. My sponsor told me a few weeks ago, "do you now see how sick you had to be to be in this relationship?"

She lives in her own little world and I kinda liked visiting once in a while, unfortunately we have a child to take care of and for me to raise my child the best I can I need to live in the real world.

My exgf will wonder through life blown about by emotion and impulse. Forever controlled by the very fear she tries to escape, no matter where she goes she cannot escape herself. For this I am truly sad, I could not bring her into my reality no matter what I tried to do. She's a child in an adult body, burning out and breaking down.

[HoneyB33]

KarmasReal I totally get what you mean about why you didn't leave. You were given a validation as "best" that you totally learned to adapt to life with. I totally adapted the same thing. I was very isolated as a kid because I had a really crazy brother that basically spent all his efforts trying to control my life. He was psychopathic. In the midst of that I had very neglectful parents, who literally did nothing. I was very "weird" growing up and basically adapted by trying to be the best. I totally tolerated my ex because she was someone who validated me. And when she went to discard me, I totally internalized it about my worth, rather than about her. I thought, "Maybe I'm not so awesome after all." It's not that I didn't see my ex for what she was doing, it more became about trying to prove myself. Haha, even when it was with someone I didn't even want to be with! I mostly stayed because of the validation, and because I honestly didn't "know" I could leave a relationship that made me unhappy, and that that was a good thing. I thought I was just not being loyal, etc.