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Author Topic: She admitted she wants me back  (Read 8954 times)
BorisAcusio
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« Reply #60 on: June 01, 2016, 05:57:55 AM »

You never know with these people.

Just for the record:

sight... .would blocking be the way to go then? I feel bad about doing that, kinda.

She sought out someone who could soothe her, but with your boundaries in place, you were perceived as withdrawing object.
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CloseToFreedom
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« Reply #61 on: June 01, 2016, 05:59:47 AM »

You never know with these people.

Just for the record:

sight... .would blocking be the way to go then? I feel bad about doing that, kinda.


True, I was close to blocking myself, the irony is not lost on me Smiling (click to insert in post) Its all okay though, the way we talked was way too short to build any emotional investment again.
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C.Stein
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« Reply #62 on: June 01, 2016, 06:07:44 AM »

Thanks for the feedback folks. Both C.Stein and Startingafreshafter18yrs. I hope you understand I take all your replies seriously.

Anyway, I woke up today and found out eventually I was blocked on the app program all of a sudden.  Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) No idea what is going on. Maybe second thoughts, maybe a way to punish me for setting boundaries. Who knows. You never know with these people.

She is acting out like a child would.  It is a clear signal that nothing has changed with her.
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Leonis
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« Reply #63 on: June 01, 2016, 06:09:20 AM »

Wow... .

Reading this thread, I am somewhat apprehensive about what could happen to me in the near future. I feel if I were to ever see her again, I probably will keep things casual and not getting sucked back into the whole romantic relationship again.
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Ahoy
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« Reply #64 on: June 01, 2016, 06:24:07 AM »

I'm not going to lie, watching this thread evolve has been really insightful to me. I think all of us who are currently stonewalled imagine (dare I say fantasize) of a similar situation occurring.

Her response today (although unpleasant for you, and i'm sorry for that) serves as a reminder to US ALL of the types of people we are dealing with.

Who actually knows what she was seeking, perhaps just a bit of validation, perhaps she wanted to actually jump ship from her current partner.

I want to highlight two things that I have learned:

1. Borderlines will NOT change from their current MO's (patterns of behavior) without significant investment in themselves. As much as we would like to believe otherwise, unless you have physical proof of their treatment (and acknowledgement of their illness) it is likely more smoke and mirrors.

2. The importance of having boundaries and maintaining them. How easily could this have ended in more pain and heartache without them? This would still knock me around greatly, but it could have been much, much worse.

Thanks for sharing your experience. I'm feeling a bit sad this afternoon, no reason in particular, just another wave of pain. This helped immensely in reminding me the futility of dwelling on our ex's.

Cheers,
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ForeverDad
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« Reply #65 on: June 01, 2016, 06:27:35 AM »

She is acting out like a child would.  It is a clear signal that nothing has changed with her.

Demonstrable recovery almost always requires long term therapy and application over many months and more likely years.  Rebounds, recycles and the like aren't good indicators.

Rare exceptions:  Marsha Lineham, one of the most notable pioneers ever in the BPD research field, did her own version of therapy, without the guidance available today, but it still took her many years.  It would be unrealistic to expect very many people to manage on their own what she accomplished.
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CloseToFreedom
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« Reply #66 on: June 01, 2016, 06:36:13 AM »

I absolutely don't take this the wrong way Ahoy. While this message board was originally for me to let off steam en get insights (and it still is), these days when something happens concerning my uBPD ex I also post it here to talk about it, and not only get insights myself but to also let others get insights. Glad to help.

I don't really feel any pain, although to be honest there's a little voice in me saying she just blocked me this morning because she doesn't want her current guy to see any communication just to be sure (she did that a few months before when we were talking). If it appears to be more than that, like, really cutting me off again, I might feel it a bit more, but I dont suspect it will sting that much. I'm so far removed from the feelings of 1,5 years ago that I can manage.
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C.Stein
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« Reply #67 on: June 01, 2016, 06:48:51 AM »

I don't really feel any pain, although to be honest there's a little voice in me saying she just blocked me this morning because she doesn't want her current guy to see any communication just to be sure (she did that a few months before when we were talking). If it appears to be more than that, like, really cutting me off again, I might feel it a bit more, but I dont suspect it will sting that much. I'm so far removed from the feelings of 1,5 years ago that I can manage.

When you can step back and objectively look at it and say to yourself ... .more of the same, nothings changed then it won't sting much if at all.  As you said you are far enough out there should be almost no emotional entanglement anymore and this will keep you "honest" with yourself.   Smiling (click to insert in post)
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CloseToFreedom
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« Reply #68 on: June 01, 2016, 07:25:50 AM »

yea so I'm unblocked... .probably was for safety measures. Oh well.

Do you folks sometimes fear they're actually reading here? I sometimes think about that. These people can make you paranoid af.
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Hadlee
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« Reply #69 on: June 01, 2016, 07:34:24 AM »

yea so I'm unblocked... .probably was for safety measures. Oh well.

Do you folks sometimes fear they're actually reading here? I sometimes think about that. These people can make you paranoid af.

ALL THE TIME!  With the recent online stalking I've had, I'm quite paranoid at the moment Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

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CloseToFreedom
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« Reply #70 on: June 01, 2016, 07:36:35 AM »

yea so I'm unblocked... .probably was for safety measures. Oh well.

Do you folks sometimes fear they're actually reading here? I sometimes think about that. These people can make you paranoid af.

ALL THE TIME!  With the recent online stalking I've had, I'm quite paranoid at the moment Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

Yeah I often feel like a paranoid crazy person for thinking this, but then again I felt the same way when I suspected she hacked my instagram account and she made a new profile on fb with a random photo of a woman just to follow me. Turned out at least the first one was real.

I haven't really placed anything here that identifies me and I never gave her a reason to suspect Im on an internation forum about BPD, but then again if she would read enough of my story on here she would without a doubt identify me and herself.
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Hadlee
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« Reply #71 on: June 01, 2016, 07:41:05 AM »

Yeah I just don't know if they really would.  Mine is VERY BIG on online stalking, and also VERY smart when it comes to IT stuff.  So I really don't know.  Couldn't say for sure not, but also couldn't say for sure yes Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)
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C.Stein
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« Reply #72 on: June 01, 2016, 07:47:13 AM »

Do you folks sometimes fear they're actually reading here?

Nope.  I actually would like her to read my posts and have even thought of sending her a link to my profile.   Even if I didn't, it wouldn't be hard for her to make the connection.
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gotbushels
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« Reply #73 on: June 01, 2016, 09:38:37 AM »

Thanks for the thread CloseToFreedom. Educational  Smiling (click to insert in post) Well done on your boundaries, I'm happy you saw this situation with a good thinking head on your shoulders this time around. I'm glad to see that your life has improved a lot since the breakup.

I think the advice and conversation is a really great example to everyone here. It's really applicable when faced with the "returning BPD" situation. I think that's valuable so thank you.

You've had some great contributions here and I've actually bookmarked this thread for reference. Thanks again.

As additional support I just wanted to add these cuttings as highlights that I think are important.

... .

Let this be a lesson for everyone: they can always come back. The difference is what you do with it.

... .

Well, guess not. Since that e-mail she has been chatting on a phone chat program about every month or so. Yesterday she asked if there was a chance we would ever get back together. I asked why. Which led her to tell me that she actually wasn't happy in her relationship. She is very unhappy and she says she's pretty much certain her current relationship will end. And that she sometimes thinks about getting back with me, if such a thing was possible. And that she has learned a lot and would appreciate a lot more of all the things I did in the relationship now that she has learned.

... .

She is actively soliciting another intimate relationship while she is in an intimate relationship. Don't let the strawberries and cream fool you  Attention(click to insert in post) my baggage

I politely told her today that I didn't feel comfortable with this situation, us talking while she was with someone else... .  She responded very short and emotionless. That she can decide for herself who she talks to.

So she doesn't have that perspective, that she ought to have respect for her current BF.

... .

Rock on ForeverDad. Thank you!

She is acting out like a child would.  It is a clear signal that nothing has changed with her.

Demonstrable recovery almost always requires long term therapy and application over many months and more likely years.  Rebounds, recycles and the like aren't good indicators.

... .

... .now that she's had some distance.

I've often quoted what someone said years ago... .BPD is a disorder most evident in close relationships, the closer the relationship, the more evident it is.

With her more distant now, she may appear less abnormal.  But get close again and if she's not well along on her way to recovery (through intensive meaningful therapy applied throughout her life) then the crazy will soon resume.

Also, note that she is still in another relationship yet she is in contact with you.    Sounds like you're on the back burner, simmering on hold so she has a backup when this relationship ends.  That's common.  many disordered people jump from one relationship to the next, it's the instability.  If you let her jump to you, understand that she isn't done jumping.

Just because it's quiet doesn't mean a voracious leech isn't crawling into your sock.
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Rayban
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« Reply #74 on: June 01, 2016, 03:06:31 PM »

Blocking and unblocking you is just another ploy to solicit a reaction, or at the very least have you thinking about her.
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Turkish
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« Reply #75 on: June 01, 2016, 04:30:24 PM »

This topic has been locked as it's reached its post limit. Please feel free to start a new discussion.
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