New Group Home-Same Bad Behavior

[Slwinner]

My 19 year old DD has BPD and bipolar disorder. She's been in treatment of some sort for three years. She is currently living in a new group home for people with serious mental illness and addiction.

She was on restriction for the first two weeks and not allowed to leave unless accompanied by staff. She was off restriction this past Wednesday and went missing Thursday night. Friday morning I was notified that she did not return to the home after leaving with another resident that did return. I guess my daughter found some friends and was drinking and refused to return with the other resident.

What happens next is horrifying. In a panic Friday morning I am calling and texting her. When she finally responds she tells me she's at a motel with people she does not know. She does not know where she is. She is alone in the room however she's been told by two men not to leave or they will hurt her. There is a plan to take her out of state to sell her into the sex trade.

I beg her to leave the room and stay on the phone with me but she won't, she's too afraid. I call the police but they won't help me because she's 19 and has not been missing for 24 hours. I explain that she's mentally ill and went missing from her group home. I say she's being held against her will. I am told unless I have an address they won't send a car. At this point I am screaming at the dispatcher who puts me on hold.

I finally convince my daughter to leave and she goes to a grocery store where some good Samaritan drove her back to the group home and I took her to the ER to be checked out. Physically she's fine. Emotionally she's destroyed.

The police never even sent a car to my home. No help.

We meet with the people from the group home tomorrow. It seems no one can keep her safe. I really don't know what to do.

Her extreme behavior and lack of impulse control is going to lead to a tragedy.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[landslide]

I am so terribly sorry you were met with systems failures when you were trying to keep your daughter safe.  There is no more helpless feeling than literally screaming at someone to help you when you know your child is in peril.  I sincerely hope something can be worked out a.s.a.p.  I wonder about civil commitment if you have not already tried or been down that path.  I imagine states differ, but I used to be a social worker for young adults and occasionally my facility or a family member would petition the court to mandate more restrictive treatment for one of my clients.  It is understandably a high bar of proof to say that the person is not competent to make decisions due the severity of their illness, but it was an important safeguard for some people.  Not sure if that would be relevant or appropriate for your daughter.  My heart goes out to you, and I hope you are able to rest and get lots of support while things are figured out.  My daughter is currently hospitalized and on a similar path.

[Bright Day Mom]

Can you request a higher level of care facility?  My d (16) is currently in an RTC and it is the highest level of care, 1:3 ratio, 5 max occupancy, all girls, always accompanied, lots of restrictions, rules, structure.

Your D's current placement may have their own recommendations based on their experience.  I know it is different that she is 18+

Good luck and know there are lots of us here if you need an ear.

[lbjnltx]

I'm so sorry to hear this!  How terribly frightening for you both. 

I'm glad that she got out of that situation and hopefully this will be an important lesson to her that she needs personal boundaries to safeguard herself.  Would she be open to a more intensely therapeutic environment?  A dual diagnoses program for women 3+ months?

Is there a pathway to provide this to her?

lbj