Interesting topic Looking forward to your replies

[KarmasReal]

I'm having interesting thoughts this evening about not only my but your exBPD relationships as well. I know everyone of us is different, in many ways, age, ethnicity, married, divorced, single, man, woman, etc. but we all share the commonality of being in a relationship with a pwBPD.

I know this is an anonymous web forum, but this is strong emotional bond as you are the only people who know what I'm going through, family nor friends nor therapists, etc. truly do. In fact we are the only ones besides extremely close friends or relatives who even get to see what true BPD is. My ex has basically everyone fooled on her craziness besides me and her other exes.

So as I'm working on detaching and becoming a stronger person from this ordeal, it makes me wonder kind of what your guys back story is. Really what I want to know is you and your exes age, whether you are man or woman, the length of your relationship, how many break ups were there, and how long it took you to fully heal or how long in the healing process you are.

I think although these are broad generalized answers they still will give us all a better understanding of where you are coming from and other commonalities. Just seems like an interesting topic and only takes a short reply.

Anyways for me I'm 31 a male, my ex was 30, we were together for about 19 months, and including this have had 4 break ups lasting from 2 weeks til 6 weeks, and I'm 5 weeks into basically NC and the healing is going very slowly so far. Hope to hear from you guys. Thanks!

[Phoenix41]

Hi KarmasReal

I'm 41 female my ex was considerably older. We were together for 15 years.  No break ups but countless threats on his part to leave (or telling me to leave). I was his emotional and often physical caretaker d/t his health conditions., surgeries, etc. I left him a little over a mth ago. I didn't tell him I was leaving.

LC. he keeps texting and asking to talk. I told him I needed time and space. Bc I won't talk, he texts his frustration - alot of verbal abuse/blame. Scary mood changes from one text to the next. I still reply- trying to break free from conditioned care taking and placating behaviors. Not yet successful! Why I left: he broke the only boundary I ever set. Which I know this will surprise no one- he blames that on me. And a real doozy- my father cried and told me he couldn't continue to see me live the way I was living. Which broke my heart, to see my father cry. Healing status- cry several times a day losing weight insomnia depression want to go back even though i know I almost lost myself completely. Btw- my ex has basically everyone fooled too. Bc he never showed his behavior in front of anyone but me.

I agree about the strong emotional bond. My friends and family don't really understand- how could they?

[Dhand77]

I'm 38 and my exBPDgf is 36. We work in the same building, but different departments. We were together for 4 years. At the time, it was what a I thought was an amazing relationship. Then in January, she left me for a replacement she groomed the month prior.

When I met her, I had just moved back home to help my mom raise my nephew. During the idealization phase, this was a great thing to her. That I was the kind of guy that would sacrifice his own life to help raise a toddler. She always came off like she admired that. During the devaluation phase, this was always passive aggressively thrown in my face, because I wasn't moving in with her and her 3 kids.

Then she pulled the rug out from under me and I discovered she cheated throughout our 4 years together AND she's done this to EVERY GUY she's been with. Now, now she's like a completely different person.

It's been almost 6 months now, the healing has certainly begun. But, I still ruminate, I do miss that old person I was with. Unfortunately, that person became a heartless, unremorseful monster and forever altered the person I used to be.