Looking for HELP

[lost and afraid]

I am the father of a 15 years girl who is diagnosed with BPD.  In the past three years, we have done therapy, 7 in-patient stays (usually 7 days or less) and most recently, a long term stay of roughly 2 months.  We have seen all the behaviors and a continued escalation of the severity of the behavior.  Last week, our daughter finally took the last step and tried to take her own life by consuming over 250 prescription pills.  We are now in the never ending saga of case management, social workers, doctors all telling us yes, she is sick - yes, she is a danger to herself, but we don't know what to do to help you because your insurance won't budge. 

So, having done everything I can think of as her father, I am now reaching out to anyone and everyone to see what I can do next.  We live in Kansas City, Missouri and I am trying to find something long term for her.  I would like it to be close so I can keep in touch, but at this point, just looking for help. 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

Hello lost and afraid,

Welcome to the Parenting Board, we are glad that you found us and are sharing your story with us and looking for help.

I'm so sorry that your d15 has attempted suicide, it is all of us parents' greatest fears. 

I want you to know that regardless of what the outcome of continued care is we are here for you to support you in the struggles and decisions that you make as her loving parent.  None of this is easy and it helps to have people to talk with who understand because they have traveled the same path.

I took my daughter to longterm inpatient care at age 13.  She was there for 10 months.  None of the outpatient or short term inpatient stays achieved meaningful and lasting results so inpatient longterm it was!  Never regretted it for a minute and now, 5 years after graduation she still maintains her skills and takes care of herself.  We have a great relationship.  Funding longterm inpatient care can be difficult.  We ended up paying out of pocket for all of it at $7200/month.

I am going to provide you a list of options that I am aware of and for you to contemplate and explore. Hopefully others will be able to add to the list and you can find a way to make this happen for your d and your family.  You may discover that a combination of options can get this done.

School portion of RTC paid for through her school/IEP

Negotiate with the Insurance company (be sure to have a doctor's directive)

Low Interest Inpatient care loan (there are companies that do only medical loans)

Educational savings account (RTC qualifies to use the funds without penalty)

Second mortgage on your home

State funded inpatient care (use your contacts with case manager to look into this)

Also, a good RTC will work with your insurance company to get funding in place (even if partially) so choose the top 3 from a well vetted list of places and start calling them.  This is not going to be an easy process and it will be worth it!

lbj

PS... .location is not the most important criteria in your search, choose the program that you believe will best help your daughter.

[wendydarling]

Hello lost and afraid   welcome

Following up lbj to say hi and send you a warm welcome. I'm in the UK so I can't provide advice around your health system. My daughter is 27, diagnosed last July following a year of many self harm attempts.  Like others on this forum we have learnt so much from the lessons, tools, resources, moderators and fellow members. 

From what I have learnt from this wonderful BPD family, BPD is a broad family, as is the criteria of BPD and the journey to diagnosis.  My daughter suffered eating disorder from 14, following by anxiety ... and ... .

10 years of symptoms building and our medics were not prepared to step out and diagnose and help us!  ... .A student ... gained her BA degree, work and then she shouted out for help last year. My daughter is in DBT and working hard, she is in a good place I hope that helps you to know life can be good.


My heart goes out to you and other parents of young teenagers. Bless lbj, our moderators and forum members with teenagers who can guide you.

You are not alone, everyone is here to learn.

WDx