Fell foul to the charm

[DazedD40]

Ok I've sat on this for over a day now and feel I must put it out there.

So after 3 weeks following my split with my ex girlfriend (still weird saying ex) I have read and learnt a lot about BPD/npd and it's been scary how close the similarities are to others stories and other descriptions of someone with pd traits are to that of my ex. I've had myself in a right old tailspin recently hence why I have sought the support of this board.

Over the past week there's been communication between us and her asking for friendship etc and although I still love her and miss her I felt I had enough evidence in front of me, both from my experience with my ex and from what I have read up and learnt, to be honest with myself and try to bend my head around us splitting up and although it's so painful I felt I had made a descsion to go full no contact with her. This was on Saturday where I spent the day crying so much due to missing her. I started to recognise that although I hate what I'm going through I needed to accept that this time it was really over.

Now we have split on a few occasions in the past and on these occasions, as painful as they were, a pattern would kind of unfold where she would start pushing and pulling me about, dipping in and out of contact, working things out, me pleading and begging her to come back, her being abusive and angry towards me and then begging me to support her. This time though that's not the pattern so I honestly feel that this split is the final one and I say that because this time I know it is. That's what's been different this time around. In the past I turned a blind eye to the red flags and really bought in to the illusions that we could push past things and grow. This time I don't feel like that as the heartbreak is to much and I have to be true to myself.

I was so true to myself that when she txt me asking me if I was home on Saturday night I did what any sane person who knows he doesn't want any more contact nor feels the same about things would do, I invited her over

[DazedD40]

Ok admin I'm having issues posting and half my post is missing. Can you please remove?

[C.Stein]

There comes a point in when you finally see how unhealthy a relationship is for you.  As hard as it is to see this it is even harder to remove yourself from it, particularly in the case of a relationship with a borderline.  

I think we can all related to wanting some type of closure, to end things with grace and dignity.  The realization that you will almost never get this from a borderline keeps you stuck ... .and you do things like inviting your ex over.

Perhaps one of the most difficult boundaries we will ever set for ourselves is the one where we decide to not allow people we love who treat us with a fundamental lack of respect and caring into our lives.   What do you need to do for yourself to set and enforce this boundary?