Breaking NC : Advice. Is it me, or?

[Mars22]

So, very quick back story.

My uBPDxgf discarded me about 3 months ago. In typical fashion, irrational behavior when all I was trying to do is help resolve yet another issue or frustration she was having in life. Sadly, it triggered her, she called me D**k!  and she slammed down the phone on me, never to be heard of again. I emailed her a couple days later (to let her cool off) to try and open the dialogue up to ‘us just trying to be friends’, thinking she was ‘healthy minded” and could understand that concept. However, she replied a few days later. She blamed me for all the problems in her life; how she feels, and how she acts etc. and said she deleted my phone number and ask that I never contact here again. That was 3 months ago.

Now, we have never shared ANY social media sites in common with the exception of one : Flickr : A photo based web site only, it was the first of its kind to share photos on the web. We became  “friends “ on Flickr early in our relationship because we both enjoy photography. HOWEVER, she never used it during the entirety of us being together (all on 2015 one year) because she photographs in an iPhone based camera app Hipstamatic and likes Instagram more because she has ‘more friends and a bigger following there’.  99.9% of her photos are always posted there — until a week ago.

Now, she fully knows Flickr is the only place where i post all my recent photos, as i do not have Instagram account. . And, suddenly out of no where she has now begun to post her pictures to Flickr now as well. I will add she has not posted a photo to Flickr since January 2015 - over a year ago now... .Regrettably, I checked her Instagram account and she is in fact double posting her photos there as well.

So, I ask — Am i going crazy to think that she’s trying to get me out of the woodworks? After going NC for 3 months and having no way to reach out , she suddenly shows up in my Flickr feed? Now, she must see my photos on her end and she must know I’m going to see hers as well?

Is this some attention thing directed at me?

I’m so tempted to reach out because, she sorta walked back in my life here it feels. Would't she know that this action would get some attention from me perhaps? Why would she double post her photos when she’s fully admitted to liking Instagram better because its more based for her photography and she has 5x more followers and friends on there? More importantly - If she discards me and asks me not to reach out to her, why would she suddenly start making herself visible in my life again knowing full well I’d be there?

Why do I feel this is suppose to roust me to “like” and photo or comment?

Feeling very tempted.

[Mars22]

So, very quick back story.

My uBPDxgf discarded me about 3 months ago. In typical fashion, irrational behavior when all I was trying to do is help resolve yet another issue or frustration she was having in life. Sadly, it triggered her, she called me D**k!  and she slammed down the phone on me, never to be heard of again. I emailed her a couple days later (to let her cool off) to try and open the dialogue up to ‘us just trying to be friends’, thinking she was ‘healthy minded” and could understand that concept. However, she replied a few days later. She blamed me for all the problems in her life; how she feels, and how she acts etc. and said she deleted my phone number and ask that I never contact here again. That was 3 months ago.

Now, we have never shared ANY social media sites in common with the exception of one : Flickr : A photo based web site only, it was the first of its kind to share photos on the web. We became  “friends “ on Flickr early in our relationship because we both enjoy photography. HOWEVER, she never used it during the entirety of us being together (all on 2015 one year) because she photographs in an iPhone based camera app Hipstamatic and likes Instagram more because she its easier for her to post directly out of the app  + she claimed has ‘more friends and a bigger following there’.  99.9% of her photos are always posted there — until a week ago.

Now, she fully knows Flickr is the only place where i post all my recent photos, as i do not have Instagram account. . And, suddenly out of no where she has now begun to post her pictures to Flickr now as well. I will add she has not posted a photo to Flickr since January 2015 - over a year ago now... .Regrettably, I checked her Instagram account and she is in fact double posting her photos there as well.

So, I ask — Am i going crazy to think that she’s trying to get me out of the woodworks? After going NC for 3 months and having no way to reach out , she suddenly shows up in my Flickr feed? Now, she must see my photos on her end and she must know I’m going to see hers as well?

Is this some attention thing directed at me?

I’m so tempted to reach out because, she sorta walked back in my life here it feels. Would't she know that this action would get some attention from me perhaps? Why would she double post her photos when she’s fully admitted to liking Instagram better because its more based for her photography and she has 5x more followers and friends on there? More importantly - If she discards me and asks me not to reach out to her, why would she suddenly start making herself visible in my life again knowing full well I’d be there?

Why do I feel this is suppose to roust me to “like” and photo or comment?

Feeling very tempted.

[HurtinNW]

Regardless of her motives, what do you want? If you want to engage with her you might try posting on the saving or improving boards, where you can study tools.

That said, this is what you are in for should you reengage: someone who slams the phone down after calling you names, vanishes, tells you to leave her alone, and then insults you with passive aggressive overtures in order to entice you into contact.

My ex did the same sort of stuff. Each recycle his abuse got worse, the silent treatments longer, and his overtures increasingly passive aggressive and absurd, including social media posts he knew would hit a nerve with me. It was like he was offering increasingly moldy table scraps just to see if I would nibble.

Quite frankly, I think this sort of overture, if it is one, is a form of abuse. It is a way of communicating to you that you are not worth an apology or even a direct communication. It is establishing that she has the right to treat you however she wants, and you will come running back at the slightest hope.

Depending on what you want, you may consider setting your own boundaries. What is it you want and need? What will you accept or not accept? If you are going to reengage, again, it may help to the read the other boards and lessons, if you haven't already done so. That way if you do contact her you will have a clear vision of exactly what you want and how you plan to proceed. You'll need to radically accept this is who she is and this is the behavior to expect.

Best of luck and hugs!

[Mars22]

HurtinNW - you do bring up some excellent points. And perhaps it maybe time to put up boundaries. But, i really thought i have been dong that until I started seeing her photo posts of flowers and sunsets in "my" photo posting web site... It feels like she is trying to, yes - see if i will nibble.

So, i have in fact been reading this entire web site and its pages for about 3 full months now. And it makes all logical sense to me what i should be doing. However, it's the overwhelming emotional sense of this is what I'm struggling with.

What do I want? truth is, Closure. And, I know that's an irrational thought having read many post here on 'what closure really means'... .and how it will never most likely not happen with her.

As, this possible 'overture' as you stated may or may not be real. However, in my mind it feels like she's reaching out to me. But, as was our relationship she could NEVER actually make the first contact after a blow out. So, as per usual I make contact first and open set the tone of the conversation. Then,  I play the scenario in my mind that I email her in the photo web site, it goes well, we meet and finally talk like two adults. Maybe cry a little, hug and come clean and move on in a more positive direction.

That's what I want.

[Lifewriter16]

Hi MARS22,

As, this possible 'overture' as you stated may or may not be real. However, in my mind it feels like she's reaching out to me. But, as was our relationship she could NEVER actually make the first contact after a blow out. So, as per usual I make contact first and open set the tone of the conversation. Then,  I play the scenario in my mind that I email her in the photo web site, it goes well, we meet and finally talk like two adults. Maybe cry a little, hug and come clean and move on in a more positive direction.

That's what I want.

It seems to me that BPD relationships tend to be about POWER and CONTROL, who has it and who hasn't got it. And, basically, pwBPD do anything and everything to ensure that they have it. All the crazy tantrums and dysregulations are about re-establishing control when they feel it sliding away from them. It's quite possible that she is trying to reconnect, but it must be you who does the crawling back because that ensure's that she's got the power. To me, boundaries are an attempt to re-gain control over our own lives not over them, but that isn't how they perceive it. To them, they are a massive threat. Boundaries have never worked well for me because when push came to shove, my BPDxbf could always leave or threaten to leave if I did something he didn't like. And he did that frequently. If your pwBPD is a leaver, be assured she'll do it time and time again. She's trying to bring you into line. Are you prepared to handle it?

A final thought:

Who 'wore the trousers' in your family of origin? Are there any parallels here?

Love Lifewriter

[Leonis]

As, this possible 'overture' as you stated may or may not be real. However, in my mind it feels like she's reaching out to me. But, as was our relationship she could NEVER actually make the first contact after a blow out. So, as per usual I make contact first and open set the tone of the conversation. Then,  I play the scenario in my mind that I email her in the photo web site, it goes well, we meet and finally talk like two adults. Maybe cry a little, hug and come clean and move on in a more positive direction.

That's what I want.

In my experience, my ex and I only get together talk like adults during/slightly after the breakup. You'd think it'll be a nice "final thoughts" moment. Nope, more emotional bonds are created through words or physically; only to set the stage for the next re-engagement/cycle in the future.

[Mars22]

Hey Lifewriter, thanks for your reply and helping me work through this one.

Yes, i really think you helped me validate somethings here. And i have to agree, relationships with pwBPD do indeed feel like a power struggle. I read once that these relationships are more about competition rather than cooperation. All that being said, I feel now there is a game being played, Ala through visual communication. As in, what we now chose to post with our pictures is going to say things to each other. A photograph competition with abstract meaning; so WE'RE left trying to decipher what each are doing, who were with... etc. It's an endless game really... one that will drive me nuts until eternity if I let it.

Maybe I should post a really beautiful photo I took of her while we were dating for my next share... that might change the course of things?

But, I guess one way to stop the game is cut off the contact and 'unfollow' her on Flickr altogether . But, that sentimental part of me can't help but to enjoy her photo for what it is.  I by no means want to give her control after I've been NC for 3 months and reach out. Though it could be nothing, it feels a bit sneaky and disrespectful she has just appeared ... so in that sense, I will not fall in line 'cause I'm happy with my progress thus far.

As for 'who wore the trousers in my family?... lets just say there are no parallels there... This is my first time dating a girl like this and she kinda took me off guard at a vulnerable time in my life I'm thinking. I fell in love with a fantasy and pictured for us a great future together ... only to have it suddenly stripped away in a flash after giving so much of myself to her... .and getting really nothing at all back. Thats unacceptable.

[Mars22]

As, this possible 'overture' as you stated may or may not be real. However, in my mind it feels like she's reaching out to me. But, as was our relationship she could NEVER actually make the first contact after a blow out. So, as per usual I make contact first and open set the tone of the conversation. Then,  I play the scenario in my mind that I email her in the photo web site, it goes well, we meet and finally talk like two adults. Maybe cry a little, hug and come clean and move on in a more positive direction.

That's what I want.

In my experience, my ex and I only get together talk like adults during/slightly after the breakup. You'd think it'll be a nice "final thoughts" moment. Nope, more emotional bonds are created through words or physically; only to set the stage for the next re-engagement/cycle in the future.

Isn't there ever a way to just say goodbye, mourn the relationship together and move the heck on?

[Hadlee]

Glad to read your post MARS11.  I am going through a similar thing right now.  All sorts of strange online activity.  I've locked down my privacy and deleted online accounts yet the BPD just seems to find another way to engage indirectly.

Apart from becoming a hermit on a deserted island, I have no idea how else to make this stop

[Leonis]

Isn't there ever a way to just say goodbye, mourn the relationship together and move the heck on?

We are not dealing with normal folks here, my friend.

[bAlex]

So, very quick back story.

My uBPDxgf discarded me about 3 months ago. In typical fashion, irrational behavior when all I was trying to do is help resolve yet another issue or frustration she was having in life. Sadly, it triggered her, she called me D**k!  and she slammed down the phone on me, never to be heard of again. I emailed her a couple days later (to let her cool off) to try and open the dialogue up to ‘us just trying to be friends’, thinking she was ‘healthy minded” and could understand that concept. However, she replied a few days later. She blamed me for all the problems in her life; how she feels, and how she acts etc. and said she deleted my phone number and ask that I never contact here again. That was 3 months ago.

Now, we have never shared ANY social media sites in common with the exception of one : Flickr : A photo based web site only, it was the first of its kind to share photos on the web. We became  “friends “ on Flickr early in our relationship because we both enjoy photography. HOWEVER, she never used it during the entirety of us being together (all on 2015 one year) because she photographs in an iPhone based camera app Hipstamatic and likes Instagram more because she has ‘more friends and a bigger following there’.  99.9% of her photos are always posted there — until a week ago.

Now, she fully knows Flickr is the only place where i post all my recent photos, as i do not have Instagram account. . And, suddenly out of no where she has now begun to post her pictures to Flickr now as well. I will add she has not posted a photo to Flickr since January 2015 - over a year ago now... .Regrettably, I checked her Instagram account and she is in fact double posting her photos there as well.

So, I ask — Am i going crazy to think that she’s trying to get me out of the woodworks? After going NC for 3 months and having no way to reach out , she suddenly shows up in my Flickr feed? Now, she must see my photos on her end and she must know I’m going to see hers as well?

Is this some attention thing directed at me?

I’m so tempted to reach out because, she sorta walked back in my life here it feels. Would't she know that this action would get some attention from me perhaps? Why would she double post her photos when she’s fully admitted to liking Instagram better because its more based for her photography and she has 5x more followers and friends on there? More importantly - If she discards me and asks me not to reach out to her, why would she suddenly start making herself visible in my life again knowing full well I’d be there?

Why do I feel this is suppose to roust me to “like” and photo or comment?

Feeling very tempted.

This is being done deliberately, but if she's anything like my ex she'll probably never admit it.

She definitely wants your attention, don't ask why cause likely you'll never know, since any assumption on your part will probably be denied by her.

I say ignore and don't take the bait, will only make you look desperate and her feel validated. In fact don't even look at the pictures. If she wants to reach out to you she would do so in a direct manner, and that's what she should be doing instead of trying to get in your head. Until then don't overthink this.

[Mars22]

Yes bAlex, it certainly does feel deliberate to me for sure. And, I agree with you telling me not take the bait. Its just so darn difficult given these attachments we form with these people.

I guess after reading confusedbloke post about him and his ex getting back together and managing the symptoms and agreeing with your post about getting too emotional at times and trying to fix her... has made think perhaps anything is possible but. The only way that can happen is if , yes — SHE does the reaching out first... which, if history serves me right... she never could do, or did or, has the tools to do...

[bAlex]

Yes bAlex, it certainly does feel deliberate to me for sure. And, I agree with you telling me not take the bait. Its just so darn difficult given these attachments we form with these people.

I guess after reading confusedbloke post about him and his ex getting back together and managing the symptoms and agreeing with your post about getting too emotional at times and trying to fix her... has made think perhaps anything is possible but. The only way that can happen is if , yes — SHE does the reaching out first... which, if history serves me right... she never could do, or did or, has the tools to do...

Yeah man I know, really really difficult. You're right, anything is possible but what you need to think about is whether or not you honestly think you'll be able to deal with the crazy this time round. Are you still in the same headspace as before? Are you afraid? do you genuinely think you're better equipped to handle things now knowing what you're dealing with?

Also, realistically I do think that what happened with him is the exception and not the rule, I think he got incredibly lucky. Going to work on healing, improving and enjoying your life is probably best. Ignore the games and if she shows up take it from there. If not, continue going forward, but don't sit around with nervous expectation - it will literally cripple you.

My ex made some pretty big efforts in the past to reach out to me but I kept doing the same thing over and over - I kept bringing up the past and blaming her for it, I stayed mad. Bad move. Don't ever do that.

You have my sympathy, I know how hard this can be and I hope everything works out in your favour.

[HurtinNW]

As, this possible 'overture' as you stated may or may not be real. However, in my mind it feels like she's reaching out to me. But, as was our relationship she could NEVER actually make the first contact after a blow out. So, as per usual I make contact first and open set the tone of the conversation. Then,  I play the scenario in my mind that I email her in the photo web site, it goes well, we meet and finally talk like two adults. Maybe cry a little, hug and come clean and move on in a more positive direction.

That's what I want.

In my experience, my ex and I only get together talk like adults during/slightly after the breakup. You'd think it'll be a nice "final thoughts" moment. Nope, more emotional bonds are created through words or physically; only to set the stage for the next re-engagement/cycle in the future.

This is my experience. My ex is at his most mature and thoughtful post break-up. It doesn't last.

Mars, I understand that is what you want, but I don't think you will ever get it. A person with a PD cannot let things end without blame.

Also, not to jinx anything for anyone here, but for the best long-term picture of what recycles look like try reading the improving boards. Few of the honeymoons of reengagement last. The most positive long-term relationships here are so because the member is managing with tools, not because the person with BPD has acted meaningfully to change themselves. I know this because I was once the one posting how my ex had recognized he had a problem and was dedicated to change. It didn't last. Most people with BPD lack the ability to self-reflect, or maintain self-reflection, especially once back in relationship.

[findingmyselfagain]

Hi Mars,

It's been about 6 years since I was with my exfiance. I found out about BPD maybe 2-3 months after the b/u when I was really trying to figure out what the blank happened. Google was my friend until I narrowed it down. I read up on BPD as much as I could. I even joined a BPD support group. I more than suspect that the woman who led the group was romantically interested in me. She was really impressed by how much work I was doing to understand it. The group happened to be all women at the time, and they all told me to run.

I started following a blog written by someone who was working through BPD. A lot of what she wrote hit the nail on the head with my experience. I'm pretty sure mine was the quiet/waif type. I made friends with the blogger and she helped me write a letter to my exfiance. We emailed back and forth a few times. I asked her if we could hang out. She agreed, but she seemed rude and standoffish. Here I was, the guy who she was so in love with and practically adopted her baby daughter, just kicked to the curb like so much trash. She could be friendly at times, but then sometimes I wouldn't hear from her for weeks. And then she finally sent a very hateful email and that's when I finally realized it would never work and that it had absolutely NOTHING to do with me, my actions, or my feelings. She was just that out of control.

Your situation could very well be different. But I think waiting on her to make a move is definitely a good idea. Tread slowly and carefully and ask yourself constantly if this is what you want.

[Mars22]

HurtinNV - You are right in that, what i am perhaps hoping for is this cinematic meeting where all is well that ends well. We embrace, talk, cry and hold each others hands and part ways amicably. Which, yes - only works if we can self-reflect. Something, I'd be surprised she has worked on in these past months... most likely not, I'm sure. I'll check the improving site and see what I can apply to my story.

Findingmyselfagain - My xgfwBPD was in fact a quiet/waif as well, I figured out after all my researching . So, there is no way she really ever would feel comfortable speaking to me openly enough to reach out. Besides, ALL of our communication was either text or email... she would rage in there and project and nothing ever really got accomplished towards healing or solving our 'problems'. SO — I'm 99.9% sure she will never reach out now.

bAlex- I am not afraid and have no ill will against her. And, during our relationship I never yelled or belittled her... I just got frustrated and even this made her close up. So, I would treat her like always did perhaps, with sympathy and kindness... and understanding. But, its tough to say how she would act at the point... .after so much blame has been placed on me... And you see, in here lies the torture of WHY NOW she has decided to make her way back into my life with these posting of pictures. Its awful cruel it feels. As why part of me wants to 'call her bluff' and show her I'm in control and can knowledge that its perhaps good to see her back on the photo site and ask hows she's been doing. Proving, I'm being the gentleman I always was. Don't corner her but ask about her life... as i always did.

On a side note:

The sad thing about some of my story is, we met a bar that we BOTH love to frequent and she, apparently still goes in there regularly, where I've kinda backed off going. I know when and if I see her, eventually that its going to be super strange for both us. Like a bright light is on emanating out from where she is sitting. How can not see her? NOW, if we had a mature break up, i feel things would be easier in these occasion... as, i honestly want to know how she is doing... As I always did! But sadly, I guess I'm realizing that she never gave a hoot about me so, any interaction will probably be about her... as always.  So, to that end — why should i even care?

[Herodias]

Personally, I think it is just a way to try and remain on contact or to remind you of her... .If she wanted to contact you, she would. It is hard to tell why they do what they do. There is the whole push/pull thing too. She may want you to chase her... .like others have asked, what is it that you want? I will share some weird thing I haven't mentioned about mine... .We were both on his Netflix account.  In the "recently watched" section, it shows what I watch and what they watch... .First of all it is really fascinating what he is watching, secondly, he has to know I am watching these things and I am really surprised he hasn't changed the password. You would also think, his gf would be mad I am still using the account and can see what they are watching. Who knows what he has told her... .If he changes the password, I will simply get my own account, but in the meantime, it's free! I think this is his weird way to be in my life however so small... .does that makes sense? That's what I see yours doing... .She can see what you post, correct? You can see her as a reminder of her.  You could say I am the one staying in his life by watching this... .I suppose I am since he is watching things about giving up everything and moving to Alaska or faking his death and starting over, I just wonder if he wants to do this with or without the gf,   It is interesting tidbit to add to my psychology education and  since I know he takes his stories and ideas about life from movies. It is weird, I know... .but try not to read too much into it. They are just strange... .I am sure they think we are too,

[Mars22]

Hey Herodias... I always know when I see Wilma commenting in here, there usually is good advice and/or insights to read. So, thank you.

What do I want? ... you ask. Perhaps the impossible.

I want closure.

I want her to see that our lack of communication, which I repeatedly SO MANY TIMES brought up as something that we both need to work on time and time again... Or else our relationship will not grow... And for her to see that it ultimately caused the lions share of the problems between us. With the big ones being — intimacy and a sense of emotional closeness / connection.

I want her to remember the good times we had, and there were many.

I want her to forgive me and know that anytime I tried to talk to her I always had "US" in mind and was not blaming her or saying she was the problem. The focus was purely on resolve and understanding to move forward and learn from our problems so they dont happen again. (which they always did)

I want to hug her one last time and tell her she will always be important to me.

I want to tell her I never EVER cheated on her as she always suspected of me on several occasions.

I want to cry together and mourn our relationship and know that, we are just 2 good people that maybe did not belong together. And hate and a divisive attitude does not allow for and promote proper healing.

I want to move on... Herodias.

I want to makes amens,  finish the healing process and get on with my life. So, when i do see her again ( and I will)  we can smile across the room knowing that we gave it shot and it failed. But, that's no reason to hold a grudge.

[Lifewriter16]

Hi MARS22,

Hey Herodias... I always know when I see Wilma commenting in here, there usually is good advice and/or insights to read. So, thank you.

What do I want? ... you ask. Perhaps the impossible.

I want closure.

I want her to see that our lack of communication, which I repeatedly SO MANY TIMES brought up as something that we both need to work on time and time again... Or else our relationship will not grow... And for her to see that it ultimately caused the lions share of the problems between us. With the big ones being — intimacy and a sense of emotional closeness / connection.

I want her to remember the good times we had, and there were many.

I want her to forgive me and know that anytime I tried to talk to her I always had "US" in mind and was not blaming her or saying she was the problem. The focus was purely on resolve and understanding to move forward and learn from our problems so they dont happen again. (which they always did)

I want to hug her one last time and tell her she will always be important to me.

I want to tell her I never EVER cheated on her as she always suspected of me on several occasions.

I want to cry together and mourn our relationship and know that, we are just 2 good people that maybe did not belong together. And hate and a divisive attitude does not allow for and promote proper healing.

I want to move on... Herodias.

I want to makes amens,  finish the healing process and get on with my life. So, when i do see her again ( and I will)  we can smile across the room knowing that we gave it shot and it failed. But, that's no reason to hold a grudge.

I too wanted all the things that you describe and in a normal relationship, that is exactly what we would get. I have spent 9 months trying to bring that about with my BPDxbf. Sometimes I felt I achieved that, but close on the tail of a closure discussion, he would dysregulate saying I no longer loved him and we'd either recycle or he would go nc. We recycled time and time again with things getting progressivesly more abusive.

One warning, I have recently realised that I have really allowed myself to be damaged in chasing this closure. I have far more signs of trauma bonding now than I had 9 months ago when I first started pursuing this for myself. I opened myself up to further abuse and it happened. The closure came at a price AND the rider is that my BPDxbf has done therapy for a couple of years. A pwBPD who hasn't had therapy is probably incapable of giving any of us this.

If I were you, and if I'd known then what I know now, I'd grieve alone for being unable to have what I wanted. You could write a letter telling her everything you want to say but instead of sending it, read it to a friend or to a photograph of your pwBPD and let yourself emote. The pain is dreadful but there's only one alternative to going back into the situation, and that's through it.

Love Lifewriter

[Leonis]

One warning, I have recently realised that I have really allowed myself to be damaged in chasing this closure. I have far more signs of trauma bonding now than I had 9 months ago when I first started pursuing this for myself. I opened myself up to further abuse and it happened. The closure came at a price AND the rider is that my BPDxbf has done therapy for a couple of years. A pwBPD who hasn't had therapy is probably incapable of giving any of us this.

WOW! I begin to wonder if I'm starting to have that. During my whole breakup process, almost every time I tried to talk to her face-to-face, it has ended up us being physically intimate. In complete honesty, I really wanted it and she complied. Even our last meeting was like that, except she seemed to be prepared with new blinds in her room and attires underneath her normal clothing.

It just dawned on me that maybe all the times she's said "I just want to rape you" didn't mean what I thought she meant. 

[Mars22]

Thanks Lovewriter for sharing your closure journey... And it is one for sure... I guess what I'm getting form this, to cut my losses while i can. Which, I was trying to do until she started appearing in our one and only shared social media web site, one she hasn't used in years. So odd they are... it has set me back a bit...

[HurtinNW]

MARS, I am coming to terms that I will never get the respect and kindness and closure I want either. Like Lifewriter, I traumatized myself by continually reengaging with my ex, hoping for a different outcome. I am finally recognizing he won't change. And this is who he is.

Your ex has made it clear who she is, and she doesn't sound like someone willing to treat you as you are worth, with decency and kindness. It is really painful to realize someone we loved so much is not capable of treating us with basic decency.

But that's her journey. That's on her. You can't control or change that. She is making her own destiny, and it sounds like a shallow one. What you have control over is your future. What do you want moving forward? How can you create a life that will fulfill you?

[Mars22]

MARS, I am coming to terms that I will never get the respect and kindness and closure I want either. Like Lifewriter, I traumatized myself by continually reengaging with my ex, hoping for a different outcome. I am finally recognizing he won't change. And this is who he is.

Your ex has made it clear who she is, and she doesn't sound like someone willing to treat you as you are worth, with decency and kindness. It is really painful to realize someone we loved so much is not capable of treating us with basic decency.

But that's her journey. That's on her. You can't control or change that. She is making her own destiny, and it sounds like a shallow one. What you have control over is your future. What do you want moving forward? How can you create a life that will fulfill you?

Yes, yes HurtinNV... these are the questions for sure... and ones I will always be pondering ...

Thank you.