New and totally lost. Need myself back

[luckyclover]

My story. But ofc just very short.

She was so in love and yes she was all in our relationship talking about marriage and babies only few weeks after we meet it was unbeliveble how much she was in love with me. Her soulmate. I was in heven luckyest man on the planet. Then one day all out of sudden she was gone so quicke she had no interest but did not dumped me i should just wait or something. I did always try and try to convinse her but everything i said was bad and she was so angry. But at the same time she was talking to other boys. And if i mention that i was calling her slut and whore. Then she dumped my finally and few days later she sent me letter that she had no feeling for my and i should look in a mirror to find out why and she never want to see my again. She said she have no feeling for me and if i were the only man left on earth she would not tuch me not even with gloves. So mean so so mean. She were in a relationship now and have never been happyer somehow found her soulmate. Just few days after she finally break up with me.

I have talked to doctors beacuse it was hard for me but he said to me i should be most worried about when she come back.

Will she ?

It is soo much relife finding this side after i have been big questionmark since last november.

2 months ago i was hoping she contact me every day. Today i hope she will never contact but i’m afraid she will after few months when she give up on her soulmate. This is the worst feeling i have ever felt. I love this persone soo deaply but, yeah last thing she said to me was i should go to hell but look in mirror first to see how ugly i am.

I was the best ever happen to her and she never want to lose me but one day everthing gone.

I'm so lonley and noone understand me.

Have been NC for two months now.

[heartandwhole]

Hi luckyclover,



I'm sorry to hear about your breakup. I know how devastating it can feel; it certainly felt that way for me. You have come to the right place for support. We have lots of tools that will help you get through this, and members who understand. Hang in there, you are definitely not alone. 

Was your ex-girlfriend diagnosed with BPD? How long were you together?

The rapid changes in your ex-gf's feelings sound very familiar. That is common for someone with BPD/traits. It's very hard to cope with, especially if you were very focused on her happiness, as many of us were. She may or may not try to re-engage. If you follow the lessons on this site, if she does try to re-engage, you will be in a much better position to decide if you want her in your life.

Here's a link that helped me tremendously to understand how to let go with grace:

Surviving a Break-up when Your Partner has Borderline Personality

It sounds like you have spoken to some therapists? That is a really good move. I know it helped me a lot after my breakup. What else has been helping you get through the last 2 months, lucky? For example, do you exercise, eat well, and get enough sleep?

Again, welcome to the site. Keep writing, and let us know how we can support you. We are here to help.

heartandwhole

[luckyclover]

Thanks for answer First i want to say my language is not english. I live in very small country in europe. The realationship was long distance for 6 good months(june-november). Bad for 2 months and then end in february... .near my birthday. She said she have ADHD and i know she was meeting doctors. I did never know she was diagnosed with BPD and did not acctually know about BPD untill my doctor told me about it. Borderline or marmaid syndrom. When i start google i wad everywere reading my story over and over again unless maybe she never showed any sign of coming back. She just one day woke up and was finished with this realationship but forgot to tell me. I should just wait.

I saw she was hidding on another mens but i could nothing do she was always mad. In the end i did mistake terrible mistake i totally admit but she was waiting for them for 3 months. My mistake was fake profule one facebook trying to get some answears. I know it is wrong but after i did that she got the reason to dump me. And month later... .realationship on facebook with new guy. I sent her email  before she was officially in another realationship but got the answear from her when she have got new boyfriend. I stalker ugly never want to see me again and so on.

[luckyclover]

One question after i have been reading. After you have been painted black and blocked on every social media. Will it happen like my doctor said. Out of the blue she stands one day on my doorstep asking me to love her?