New here

[Xstang77]

Hey I'm new here but not to BPD my current ex has very strong BPD and we've recycled over 5 times in the past 2 years,last week was one of the worst break ups yet to where she called the cops on me trying to make false accusations and has turned my downstairs neighbors against me and is currently living there in the same house in the apartment below mine,I'm very hurt/angry and I don't feel comfortable in my own home due to

Her being here and I avoid my house and it's causing me horrible anxiety, could use some people with similar experiences to talk with,thanks.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[livednlearned]

Hi Xstang77,

Five recycles in 2 years is a lot! No wonder you are struggling with horrible anxiety. It sounds exhausting, and now there are false accusations to make matters even harder for you. She is dealing with her feelings in the only way she knows how, which is to act out. Unfortunately, that acting out is affecting you, especially since she still lives in your building.

How did things go with the cops? Did they take any action?

Maybe we can help you figure out what precipitated this last round of acting out. What led up to the break up?

[Xstang77]

There were no actions taken luckily since the cop has been through 2 divorces himself and knows what it's like,to make matters worse I checked her page today and she's with someone else now with a picture of them kissing,a week ago to the day she told me she loves me more then anything and was kissing me,if you see my other post its explains the situation,I just feel so used and abandoned and I can't even be comfortable at my house.

[livednlearned]

Living so close to her after what you've been through must be so hard, Xstang. I can see why you would feel so uncomfortable.

What good fortune that the cop had been through divorce too, someone who could understand how emotionally raw and volatile people can be when the relationship is rocky.

People with BPD tend to have a history of unstable relationships, and those of us who find ourselves in these relationships tend to be susceptible to the ups and downs. We get on the emotional roller coaster with them, and that leaves no one standing tethered and stable on the ground.

She is unlikely to have boundaries, and yours are likely weakened. And yet, she actually needs you to have strong boundaries, even though it often feels as though she tries to torpedo them relentlessly. You have to be the guy who stays rooted to the ground.

The key is to get you back to feeling stable. Seeing her come and go, and checking her FB status is likely preventing you from stabilizing. Any chance you can stay with someone for a while until your emotions are back to baseline?

Glad you're keeping us updated. Check in when you have a chance so we can hear how things are going for you.

LnL

[Xstang77]

I tried setting boundaries because I read of that helping as well, a little update she is now in a relationship with some other guy when exactly a week ago she was telling me she loved me,now has pictures of them on her fb, I've kept no contact even after she sent me those texts,last Saturday apologizing for what happened, then today she messages me for the first time since Saturday asking if I can please put the rest of her stuff downstairs for her,I don't know if this will recover this time she's never actively gotten into a relationship during painting me black in the past,and yes the anxiety was horrible to where this last time together I was checking with her everyday making sure she's not leaving, thinking about it it's like things always are going extremely well right up

To minutes before she leaves, I know in my heart I can never trust her again, my question is do you think her current relationship will last being she got into it so fast and should I keep no contact and leave her stuff downstairs or should I reply and then leave the stuff down there and just wish her good luck,I know no contact is a big deal but I also

Wonder if that'll keep me painted black forever maybe it's better to not have so much bitterness in my heart.

[livednlearned]

Bitterness is a tough foundation for a good relationship.  

Is the bitterness something you can work out, or do you think it's going to permeate any potential relationship with her going forward?

What was her relationship history prior to meeting you?

[Xstang77]

I could eventually let the bitterness go I just don't think I'll ever really trust her again, her relationships before there were many and she even said her ex used to beat her,she's a low functioning BPD,I just am on the fence of if the text would kill the no contact rule or if me not saying anything gives her the upper hand,she's never gone this far before to involve police and publicly date another guy.

[Xstang77]

I had communication and a meeting with her...