Is Dad a Psychopath ? Takes Child cont'd

[nona]

Our History:

2011 Split CRAZY 5 years shared custody of D13 with UBPDAD. Email contact only with UBPDAD …for obvious reasons. D13 has BPD traits.

August 2014 , D13 (11 at that time) could only “grunt” at me when with her UBPDAD , no eye contact. Alienated. UBPDAD filed false allegations (abuse, cutting, SI, suicide ideation, “mom rages”) with police and child protection authorities, and papers with the courts to take full custody. I was investigated. The report cleared me as I had roommate/witness 24/7, no scars, etc. Child Protection (CP) recommended “high level counseling”, but no DEMAND, Just reccommended. D11 was lying to them. Report stated “child’s perception” repeatedly.

August 2015 , I hired a Forensic Psych. Eval. of family. Psychologist hid all the dirt on UBPDX and recommended 50/50 custody, parenting. SO THAT’S ALREADY BEEN DONE.

$14,000.00.  The psych eval was HOKEY. He told me if I wanted to prove UBPDX Mental Illness, “You will not get it from me, you will have to make your lawyer do it”.

Sept. 2015 UBPDX withdrew the demand for custodyfollowing Foresnic Investigation.


March 2016  , D13 started DISCLOSING….see thread “Mom, Is Dad a Psychopath?”

“All the things psychopaths do, Dad did to me all week.”

“Dad does porn in front of me, cannot stop like a normal person would”

“Dad nvents, blames me for weird sexting, I did not do. Punished me, until I thought I was crazy.”

“Dad Always starts his invented blaming with ‘I don’t know if I’m imagining’, but believes his illusion, blames, and punishes me anyway”

She has seen the book NMWOE at both of our home x5 years , has asked about it a couple times and I “did not tell” , but she now Knows. She read it’s not her fault.

She researched BPD obsessively. Can tick off his behaviors…he is textbook……all 9 criteria. She asks if she has it :-(.

Just like us Nons. Wants to help.

UBPDAD has her convinced she is in charge of all her own decisions. Re: medical care, counseling, courses, out of control screen time/social media behaviors etc. keeping her destabilized.

March 2016 The day after DISCLOSURE, she had a counseling appointment. ( I am not allowed to communicate with counselor without D13 approval. ) I trusted she would disclose to counselor, and we would soon hear from the authorities. But nothing happened , and I do not know if she told her counselor. She refuses counselor now.

Since March DISCLOSURE: The underlying tension of the “secret” being gone. D13 and My relationship is healing and WAY better. I understand she dysregulates, and bounces back quickly. I validate and use the tools. They WORK. I told her “I would support her now that she has this new information about her situation. Know she loves her dad, and will want to help him, etc.”

I have been waiting for D13’s next step. Hoping more counseling would bring the disclosed facts to authorities somewhere ?

I am thinking it is better to come from HER than ME ! Right?

I have been wondering since March, Should I call the child protection people?

New behaviors have surfaced since the last time Child protection interviewed her 2 years ago. EG:

Dresses in Black

Black dyed hair

Piercings

self harming and says Mom did it (since 8)

stealing alcohol now

smoking pot  now

lies a lot

skipping school

out of control social media behaviors

files false police report (with UBPDAD Last week).

…DISCLOSURE

Last Friday morning D13 was rushing to finish her chore before school, and finished in time. I was Thrilled !

Although she screamed “I hate you, you F*** toddler, your brain doesn’t work, You toddler whore !” I was amused at the new terms. I was  not the least bit  triggered, I’m used to a couple minutes of screaming crazy. Followed by apology. She left for school screaming  "now dad is gonna yell at me over the tardies on my report card, and it's all your fault. They are all your fault because you make me late for school everyday by fighting with me". (None true. I WORK at the school. I drop her before the bell, if she’s late I send note, and I don’t fight.)

After lunch that day UBPX phone message. “I’m taking D13, more details later”

After school UBPDX and D13 arrive and get a bag of her things. I quietly ask “Is this over the dishes?” D13 replied “NO, it’s something much worse.” I did not see police on my side yard until 5 minutes after UBPDX and D13 left with a bag of her things. I walked out and invited him in to learn I was reported for abuse by D13... and her dad. She alleges “grabbed child by the shoulders shook her and threw her up against the wall.”

This week UBPDX’s lawyer threatens to file court documents to take full custody of D13, because Mom is an abuser if I don’t meet all his demands.

I wait for the Child Protection to come investigate or to be arrested. UBPDX brings D13 to my house repeatedly to get things………….He sends her into my house alone, watching in the window.

I run out of the house to the neighbors for a witness so no more allegations……….I changed the locks last night.

I Text a love note to D13 each nite. She cannot respond to me, as he monitors all our communication. PA.

My lawyer is sending this  letter: “false allegations followed by frequent visits to mom by dad is crazy. the law cannot help this situation or this child. Lists child behaviors, Get her a child psych eval. Period. ”

This will make UBPDX flip. As he controls all.

BPDX is looking real bad. He is under investigation at work. He crashes every few years due to the brain/immune system damage from the porn addiction. He is looking like parkinsons actually, along term side effect. He is LATE STAGE.

He rage texted my poor 75 yr. old mother last night for hours. Her husband died 6 days ago.

Get them while they are down is how he rolls.

We are all worn down.

Love you all for stickin here for Nona for so long.

[Herodias]

Gosh, you are really dealing with allot! So sorry... .the  thing that stood out to me is your daughter. The behavior and dress is usually to appear tough when inside they are longing for attention and rules. I know this from my sister being the same way in the past. She was a middle child and got the least attention. My Grandmother said she felt sad for her because she would run up to my dad and he would ignore her. She has issues with him now but she gets more attention than my youngest sister and I. We are all late 40's and I am 51- the oldest. I see this allot with kids and I know because we did similar things in the 80's , I can understand it. Its a call for attention. Her Dad must be getting all of the attention and she feels left out. Bad attention is better than none. I suggest you embrace her look, but punish the behavior. She sounds like she is in allot of pain.  I think you are starting to get somewhere. I wouldn't let her know too much about her dad... .my Mom told us too much info! I would explain that  he has some problems he needs to deal with that has nothing to do with her. I would try to get involved with her the best you can. She is now a teenager, so she is going to want to start distancing herself from you... .but get her quick if you can. Have dinner together- go to movies... .something you can share. Not sure you can get her in therapy. My sisters son is having issues- his father died 4 years ago. He is doing all of this too. He calls his therapist, The rapist... .I can kind of see it. It is tough! You are having enough trouble with your ex and your poor mother. It seems when it rains, it pours. I know it too. Make sure you do things for yourself as well. Maybe get manicures or pedicures with your daughter... .something that can help you both spend time together and feel good at the same time... .but only rewarding good behavior. Boundaries for her are important. I am also telling you to embrace her look because I know someone who went through this and she didn't accept any part of her daughter. The daughter ended up being killed by people she thought were her friends (worst case scenario). It was really sad. I am not blaming the mother, but I am saying I think you have to accept something you may not approve of  or they will rebel even more. Her looks are on her-she has to deal with the back lash of it.  Sorry if I am not allot of help... .

[Turkish]

One wonders how the system can fail you, and more significantly, your daughter so utterly.

Exposing a child to pornography is sexual abuse. If she never tells anyone (or denies it when interviewed), there may be no consequences. Given the false allegations towards you, her credibility may be damaged.

What was the deal with your mom? Did she engage in the text conversatioin? Regardless of that, can you retrieve the evidence? He may have broken the law here...

Elder Emotional Abuse—inflicting mental pain, anguish, or distress on an elder person through verbal or nonverbal acts, e.g. humiliating, intimidating, or threatening.

Turkish

[nona]

Thanks for your support.

L and I are writing a letter.

stating this is not a legal issue but a mental health issue. and the absurdity of bring her to my house and sending her in, AFTER he has

THe Nurse practitioner can make a referral to a pediatrician who specializes in mental health.

Request D13 be seen by a psychologist for a MHE, period.

D13 has Auto immune issues, trying to get her seen and diagnosed is a gong show. her father has changed her doctor s 4 times in the last few years, he's a doctor.

I am in the process of gathering documentation from everyone who has seen her. to get a paper trail in order and take it to the health authorities.