Hello again. Thank you all for the responses to date it is helpful. One of the things I am struggling with most beyond the idea that she is having sex with another guy which I almost guarantee is the fact that I thought she was my best friend. We talked about everything for hours on end. We discussed kids a family a cottage so many times I can't even count. It feels like that was a lie now. All a lie. I am at a loss because the person I spent every day with is gone. Typically when it was good it was amazing and the smallest thing would paint me black. I admit I got angry and freaked out but what should I have done? It just kills me that of course she will run now... .of course I'm the enemy now. She did it to everyone else in her life so why not me? I guess I believed it all the lies. Running is part of the problem and by her doing this it just exemplifies it. I miss her. All day every day. But at the same time I'm so hurt and angry. We broke up and 3 weeks later met and had amazing sex. That same night she lied to me about something insignificant... .why? She tried to explain but nothing makes sense.
I miss my ex also soo much but I will never hear from her again. I'm too "disrespectful" for her I guess.