Mediation

[SES]

Three sessions of mediation with a lawyer.  Ex has agreed to some things, now seems to want to change things. Mediator doesn't seem to appreciate that the detail of the agreement is crucial as ex needs clear boundaries. Apart from the mediation I have been no contact for 13 months... .  But I am finding it a constant struggle with enforcing boundaries with the mediator and even our children's school. All of whom seem completely sucked into ex's manipulation.

Recently ex sent me mildly threatening texts, texts criticising me, and also a text telling me she has a fathers day gift for me in her car! Plus emails referring to our children's family...   ie. Ex and her affair partner.  I don't reply to anything unless it requires a response.  I'll give the gift a skip. No contact has really helped me... .but it is amazing how she creates problems via other people and agencies.

Any top tips? From experience, does this ever settle down?

[ambivalentmom]

It does settle down.  If her texts are all over the place, she might be testing the fence, looking for that key phrase or action to get you to break.  She will also say that your lack of response is why you don't care about the kids and don't want to see them, blah blah and may try to use this in mediation.  Just make sure you take screen shots of the texts to show that they did not require a response or they are not regarding visitation.  You could also ask your lawyer about mentioning irrelevent, excessive texts/emails to the mediator. 

It is also good to always have someone to talk to about the texts.  They can help keep you grounded and objective until things settle down.  It might take a while, but there should be less texts when she sees she is not getting the response she wants/finds someone else who plays into her drama.  You are doing very well on handling this situation and recording the exchanges is smart.

We had one mediation, ex was all over the place just hinting at accusations that were off.  Instead of arguing, I suggested that we each email a list of what we wanted to have in the visitation order and go from there.  Never went back in, but I did get a call from the mediator saying if I don't agree with him I will have to go to court.  I said I guess we'll have to go to court.  Never happened because he has more visitation time than usual. 

I wish you well.