hi everyone. heres my story. I suspect my ex may be uBPD. 18 month relationship. the beginning- first 6 months together couldn't have been more perfect. she moved in after 6 months. 6 weeks after moving in was valentines day. I had the flu and while lying on the bathroom floor sick she kicked me in anger because she went through my phone and saw a female friend of mine had wished me happy v-day. after that fighting began frequently, I was accused of cheating almost daily and along with each fight so did a theme of her leaving and not coming home for days at a time (and not knowing where she was going). after a few months of this I began to threaten to end r/s if she couldn't talk things through. then the physical abuse started. raging, pushing, hitting she even kicked in the bathroom door one day when I locked myself in there. after telling her I couldn't do it anymore she cried, begged, pleaded, had panic attacks etc. she convinced me that this was all caused by her birth control so for a few days we discussed alt options. then 1 day a fight started over my employee texting me. she demanded to see my phone so I asked for hers. well she left. for 2 days. then called me to meet to talk so I agree to meet her at a restaurant. she asked if I think we will work I said no. she threw something at me and got up and walked out. it was a pregnancy test. she was pregnant. the next month was hell. she wouldn't even sleep in the same bed as me. wouldn't talk to me. devalued me. I wasn't allowed to doc appts. she terminated the pregnancy after a few weeks and blamed me (even though I did want to keep it). 2 weeks later she moved out. we were off and on for about a month after that but I knew something wasn't right. NYE she called me crying because I spent it with my family and not her. so I went to her apt next day. she said she never wants to see me again and she has a date that night. so I go out on a couple dates the next few weeks. well somehow she called me or texted me at the exact times I was out with other girls. couple weeks I don't contact and she reengages me she says she made a mistake and wants to come home and is still in love with me. after hanging out for a couple weeks she asks me to stay over at her apt but when I get there she says she cant do it anymore I don't make her feel better and that she never said she wanted to move back home and I should leave. so I told her if I left I wasn't coming back this time and to stop contacting me because she kept hurting me. her response was "
goodbye"
her fam is a mess. drugs, alcoholics, parents cheated, father was in jail etc. she told me she cut herself when she was young. moved away from fam when she was 14. I told her at one point I thought she was bipolar. her response was that I was autistic and had multiple personality disorder
red flags all over the place but I loved her. more stories and incidents that could fill a novel.
I found out after the final break, from friends, that soon after the v-day incident she had began a smear campaign telling people that
i was physically and emotionally abusive to
her!
I went NC after the final break and was completely confused, feeling depressed, hurt, devastated and looking for answers. then I found this site a few weeks ago. I believe now that she has BPD. this site has helped me stay NC and understand things a lot better.
it has been 2 months now since ive gone NC and havnt heard from her. the longest NC previously was about 3 weeks. the big problem is I still love her. im worried about what may happen now and what to do if I hear from her again. knowing about the disorder leaves me torn. she has said goodbye so many times and seduced me back more times than I can count.
ive read SWOES and "i hate u don't leave me" and begin T this wknd.
wondering what anyones thoughts are on all of this.
