Daddy issues here we go, making the public confession.

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Why public? Because I am sick and I want to get well. I have gone to confession numerous times. Short of shouting out in church "I HAVE DADDY ISSUES" I don't know what else to do. My parents are still married. They were living together when I was born, my mom was still married to her husband when she got pregnant with me. Note that husband was not my dad. My dad is now her husband. They got married when I was 2, I was at the wedding, being held by the same aunt I am now suing for my inheritance. Good gracious can we say DRAMA?


My dad is  NPD not BPD.

----------------

I am having major "daddy" issues. When my ex told me I had "daddy" issues I broke off our DD/lg relationship. So now the sin has grown  7 times: my ex's father, my attorney, the 72 clinical psychologist who told me he either wanted to have sex with me or marry me, the older man who gave me my new bike which he gave to his ex and she left, my painting teacher. Note: three of these relationships are clean: ex's dad, painting teacher, attorney because they are in solid, stable marriages.  Then I have my sober older male friends in recovery who are numerous to count. My dad is not that old. He is 68 and looks like he's 49. He's fit, handsome, sharp as a knife. So what's with the older men in my life? The last man who wanted to marry me before my ex was older then my mother! I gave his ring back to him, it was not custom made, and not even the right color. Actually I've lost count of the number of men who proposed or suggested because they were to chicken to propose marriage to me. I was single for 7 years before I got involved with my ex boyfriend who I was involved with for 4 years. I don't want my daughter to have a father and two step fathers like my grandmother did, and then her third husband left her! She's the borderline queen, she's my father's mother.

Note: when my ex called me a borderline queen on Facebook on his profile, I unfriended him. Then he used that as evidence against me that I was borderline! I'm PTSD not BPD. Never been BPD. Goodness gracious. Then my ex claims he is PTSD and not BPD. So much drama.

I don't ever want to go through that again. I want to purge my daddy issues for good.

Actually there are so many older men in my life I can not count. I think that's because I'm a strong single mother and have to act on behalf of my daughter in the world. I am the leader of my family as another member said on another board. So I am doing the things that men do problem is I am single, younger and attractive so everything is filled with sexual tension.

Ok, so that 72 year old forensic psychologist with the Ph.D. who proposed either sex or marriage to me actually interested me, but he lives two states away so that's a no go. I won't say the age difference but that's over 30 years! What is my problem? He is the one who suggested exposure therapy to me. Then he asked me if I was sexually abused by my parents, I was like no! I wasn't.

*sigh*

This is really gritty ugly stuff.

As I mentioned on the detaching board I am meeting with a new therapist a week from Saturday.

Now I am wide open as I am 3 days out from my relationship.

Geez.

Last time I was single for 7 years (after my marriage), by my own choice. No man met my standards. My ex met my standards but it turned he was borderline married.

So now what?

I just got checked out loving the self absorbed for the second or third time. I'm reading the people of the lie for my mother, got to read loving the self absorbed for my father. I'm impatient. I want to recover now! Unicorn does not slow down, does not take it easy, works from morning till evening.

[unicorn2014]

Why public? Because I am sick and I want to get well. I have gone to confession numerous times. Short of shouting out in church "I HAVE DADDY ISSUES" I don't know what else to do. My parents are still married. They were living together when I was born, my mom was still married to her husband when she got pregnant with me. Note that husband was not my dad. My dad is now her husband. They got married when I was 2, I was at the wedding, being held by the same aunt I am now suing for my inheritance. Good gracious can we say DRAMA?


My dad is  NPD not BPD.

----------------

I am having major "daddy" issues. When my ex told me I had "daddy" issues I broke off our DD/lg relationship. So now the sin has grown  7 times: my ex's father, my attorney, the 72 clinical psychologist who told me he either wanted to have sex with me or marry me, the older man who gave me my new bike which he gave to his ex and she left, my painting teacher. Note: three of these relationships are clean: ex's dad, painting teacher, attorney because they are in solid, stable marriages.  Then I have my sober older male friends in recovery who are numerous to count. My dad is not that old. He is 68 and looks like he's 49. He's fit, handsome, sharp as a knife. So what's with the older men in my life? The last man who wanted to marry me before my ex was older then my mother! I gave his ring back to him, it was not custom made, and not even the right color. Actually I've lost count of the number of men who proposed or suggested because they were to chicken to propose marriage to me. I was single for 7 years before I got involved with my ex boyfriend who I was involved with for 4 years. I don't want my daughter to have a father and two step fathers like my grandmother did, and then her third husband left her! She's the borderline queen, she's my father's mother.

Note: when my ex called me a borderline queen on Facebook on his profile, I unfriended him. Then he used that as evidence against me that I was borderline! I'm PTSD not BPD. Never been BPD. Goodness gracious. Then my ex claims he is PTSD and not BPD. So much drama.

I don't ever want to go through that again. I want to purge my daddy issues for good.

Actually there are so many older men in my life I can not count. I think that's because I'm a strong single mother and have to act on behalf of my daughter in the world. I am the leader of my family as another member said on another board. So I am doing the things that men do problem is I am single, younger and attractive so everything is filled with sexual tension.

Ok, so that 72 year old forensic psychologist with the Ph.D. who proposed either sex or marriage to me actually interested me, but he lives two states away so that's a no go. I won't say the age difference but that's over 30 years! What is my problem? He is the one who suggested exposure therapy to me. Then he asked me if I was sexually abused by my parents, I was like no! I wasn't.

*sigh*

This is really gritty ugly stuff.

As I mentioned on the detaching board I am meeting with a new therapist a week from Saturday.

Now I am wide open as I am 3 days out from my relationship.

Geez.

Last time I was single for 7 years (after my marriage), by my own choice. No man met my standards. My ex met my standards but it turned he was borderline married.

So now what?

I just got checked out loving the self absorbed for the second or third time. I'm reading the people of the lie for my mother, got to read loving the self absorbed for my father. I'm impatient. I want to recover now! Unicorn does not slow down, does not take it easy, works from morning till evening.

[BabyBat]

I'm sorry to hear about everything you're going through. That sounds like a lot. I don't know how much I can help, I can tell you I understand. Years of damage doesn't heal overnight, but I know it works if you work it. Being apart of this forum will help. I also found it helpful to take note of what makes daily life stressful. What really gets you worked up? Where do you feel out of control? Taking that, then finding an alternative. I know this sounds oversimplified. I am often overwhelmed when I'm with my sister. Being around her makes me anxious, so I plan out a day and time to see her, that is AWAY from my home. When I'm done, I can leave it all there and walk away from her baggage. That helps me keep her negativity from coming into my personal space. But she still gets "sister time". Taking notes may or may not be for you, just something that worked well for me. Also, daddy issues don't go away. They don't stop hurting you and you wont stop loving them. The best thing I did was to set boundaries that helped me protect my heart. I had to cut ties and figure out a way to rebuild my life. Still in the process, but I'm getting closer. I suggest starting with something that'll help you slowly unpack the stress that's sitting on your shoulders. Something small. Start little.

Thanks for sharing, BabyBat.   

[unicorn2014]

It's my ex that's actually triggering my daddy issues. A member of the leaving board said I had a trauma bond to my ex. I read the book, I don't. I even told my sw yesterday I don't. I guess I'm going to have to wait to meet my new therapist next month. When I see men on the street I think candy. I check to see if they have a ring and I avert my eye if they do. My ex didn't wear a ring and he's married. Then he tried to get me to wear his ring and he wore my ring and I said no. Things are out of control. I haven't seen my ex in a year. I want a boy toy but I did that in 09 before I met my ex and that was a disaster. Now I'm stuck. I'm not physically attracted to the 72 year old who proposed sex/marriage. I'm young and fit and most men my age are married. I'm sexually frustrate and I'm a Christian so there's no out. I hate this. The men in my church told me to exercise the men in my program told me to have an orgasm with a man!

[BabyBat]

I know it feels like you are stuck, but if you would really like something different, you aren't stuck. There is a way.

Do you have any hobbies, things you enjoy doing? Do you have anything you are good at that you or that you do for fun?

~Babybat

[unicorn2014]

I know it feels like you are stuck, but if you would really like something different, you aren't stuck. There is a way.

Do you have any hobbies, things you enjoy doing? Do you have anything you are good at that you or that you do for fun?

~Babybat

I actually I have a job, I just got my first commission check today and my ex's father just gave my second job today so I have to print out some cards and mail them to him so he can buy them. I am talented enough to make a living off my art so that is what I need to start working on today. I sold some cards back in 06 or 07 but haven't been able to work since then due to my PTSD. This is my first commissioned painting however so I am very excited and my client is giving me until October because she knows I have a lot on my plate! I want to get started today but I'm exhausted so I'm going to eat a late lunch, and take a bath.

[polly87]

Thanks for sharing your story. It must be hard to feel that way. I remember I used to have daddy issues and they were directly related to not knowing my dad at all. I only met him in 2014, when I was in my mid-twenties. All that time up till then I was simply looking for a father figure who loved me and wanted to take care of me. I realise now that my previous relationship was also about being taken care of (long story that I won't bother you with now... .)

Maybe in your case it has something to do with an emotionally absent dad. Can you tell something about your relationship , past and present, with him?

By the way, I wouldn't take the advice on having an orgasm with a man seriously. I think you will learn to trust and open up emotionally to a SO in good time. But just having sex with someone isn't going to help you at all.

Do try to take it easy. 

[unicorn2014]

Hi Polly
That advice was in 2009. I had a fling with a surfer. Bad idea. I'm a Christian and that's against my religion. Men don't tell me that anymore. I will type a separate paragraph on my dad in just a bit. Thank you for reading.

[unicorn2014]

Thanks for sharing your story. It must be hard to feel that way. I remember I used to have daddy issues and they were directly related to not knowing my dad at all. I only met him in 2014, when I was in my mid-twenties. All that time up till then I was simply looking for a father figure who loved me and wanted to take care of me. I realise now that my previous relationship was also about being taken care of (long story that I won't bother you with now... .)

Maybe in your case it has something to do with an emotionally absent dad. Can you tell something about your relationship , past and present, with him?

By the way, I wouldn't take the advice on having an orgasm with a man seriously. I think you will learn to trust and open up emotionally to a SO in good time. But just having sex with someone isn't going to help you at all.

Do try to take it easy. 

Hi Polly,
First of all the title of this thread was snarky. I don't think I have daddy issues. I know my ex does. When my ex told me I did I broke up with him. Then I recycled.

My father was emotionally absent and is still.

Yesterday I saw my primary care doctor. She asked me if anybody in my family had a history of heart disease. I said no and then when I got home I remembered my paternal grandfather had a heart attack. I called my father and he said his father had a heart attack at 49 and a stroke at 73 that killed him. My father did not his answer his phone. Then I remembered my father passed out after the marathon so I called him back and asked him if he ever had any other incidents of passing out. He never got back to me.

I am so angry with him.

This is my life we are talking about.

I was diagnosed with lightheadedness and emotional stress yesterday.

It might be due to exhaustion.

My doctor asked me to contact her with any new physical symptoms and I had a whole list to give her today. I know there is 1% chance I might have to be hospitalized and I already prepared my daughter  for this. I asked her who she wanted to take care of her if that happened and she said her uncle.

My family is so dysfunctional the only person my daughter trusts is my brother and he is a jerk.

My brother slandered behind my back to my father, telling him I was contacting my aunts through Facebook when I wasn't supposed to.

I am so angry at him too.

I am a very strong woman. People have likened me to the next possible woman president, Margaret Thatcher and other very strong women. Even my ex's father said I am a very strong woman. Even my mother admires my strength albeit in a dysfunctional way.

Even my ex told me to calm down and let it go.

This is the same person who told me I had daddy issues.

What if he's right?

What if I do?

That makes me furious.

[polly87]

Hi unicorn,
I can see why you're angry with your dad. It's annoying he doesn't answer your doctor's questions.
Maybe I'm wrong, but reading you prepared your daughter for your hospitalisation which has 1% chance of happening makes me think are you afraid of losing control of the situation ... .do you find it hard to deal with sudden changes?

I believe you are a strong woman too, trying to deal with the difficulties of your past and present. Your emphasis on your being strong does make me think you need to be comforted too. Are there any people in your life that can comfort and console you? And I don't mind if they're older men just kidding haha.

Do I get it right that you are angry because your ex may be right about you, or is it just because you might have daddy issues after all?

Take care.

[Fie]

I'm sexually frustrate and I'm a Christian so there's no out. I hate this.

I know it's easy for me to say because I am not a Christian, but do you think that your God feels you have the right to be happy ? And if so, he'd understand that sometimes, when everything else is going *not our way* we just have the feeling that we want to be touched by someone ? As a basic human right ?

I have a friend who's very religious and who says he does need sex, even if he's not married. His thoughts about this are that God knows that people are 'sinners' (his  words, not mine). Every person has his/her own sins. You just pick a few - the ones you really cannot do without. God will forgive you, he says, because for the rest you are trying to be a good person.

Just some food for thought   ;-)

[unicorn2014]

Hi Polly
I'm just preparing for all possible outcomes.
I have a whole stable of older sober men to rely on for support.
I did not like the way my ex was talking to me. Daddy issues is an insult and it blames the victim. It was a projection. My ex has issues with his father.

[unicorn2014]

Fie: I live with my daughter who already issues to deal around men. I am living a life of abstinence until I am at least properly engaged, and even that is not following the rule however in my case I live in a very high rent so my husband would have to either be really wealthy so he could buy a condo or house  or lower income for our complex which would be $52k for a family of 3.
I am a professional painter. Gardening is my hobby. I am very physically active