Giving myself the no checking her facebook challenge

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi KC

Sympathies with the FB challenge. It's tough.

After the split I found FB very difficult. He continued to occasionally like posts of mine, liked a couple of public posts of mournful music and was posting his own photos. Nothing personal. But I was second guessing all the time. It was keeping me tethered.

I unfollowed him but couldn't resist peeking. I also saw his likes and comments on mutual friends' posts. I was beginning to feel addicted and slight crazy.

I blocked him and don't regret it. Not only does he not exist for me, but I don't exist for him. After the break up I felt so disempowered, addicted to a man who was no good for me. Blocking him gave me a sense of autonomy, that I was regaining the lost authority over my life. I needed to feel that.

No more second guessing, no more FB push/pull, no more wondering. Well, that's not strictly true, I still wonder a bit but by blocking I put him out of reach. :-) It made me feel better for myself and I was also sending him a tacit message; that I wasn't available. It was hard but worth it. As others have said, the FB need to know diminishes over time.

Whatever you choose, good luck.  

[troisette]

Hi KC

Sympathies with the FB challenge. It's tough.

After the split I found FB very difficult. He continued to occasionally like posts of mine, liked a couple of public posts of mournful music and was posting his own photos. Nothing personal. But I was second guessing all the time. It was keeping me tethered.

I unfollowed him but couldn't resist peeking. I also saw his likes and comments on mutual friends' posts. I was beginning to feel addicted and slight crazy.

I blocked him and don't regret it. Not only does he not exist for me, but I don't exist for him. After the break up I felt so disempowered, addicted to a man who was no good for me. Blocking him gave me a sense of autonomy, that I was regaining the lost authority over my life. I needed to feel that.

No more second guessing, no more FB push/pull, no more wondering. Well, that's not strictly true, I still wonder a bit but by blocking I put him out of reach. :-) It made me feel better for myself and I was also sending him a tacit message; that I wasn't available. It was hard but worth it. As others have said, the FB need to know diminishes over time.

Whatever you choose, good luck.  

[kc sunshine]

Starting day 2 on the FB challenge. Instead of facebook, today I will:

work some
laugh with my kids
visit a friend
go to a doctor's appointment with my mom
try to think positively about my life and choices

[Hopefulgirl]

I found out about my replacement from Facebook.
 Woke up one morning, browsed through some friends and a mutual aquaintance of his and mine was posting old love songs. Next day she was talking about how love had changed her. Thought oh how nice, she been single for awhile and Im kinda happy for her. Few days later my guy sends a Facebook message saying that he wishes me well but the two of them are deeply in love. I still cant get over a man in his forties discarding someone via Facebook.

Next day the woman posts they are "in a relationship" and about 50 people start writing about how happy they were for them and how lucky they were to have found their true love etc. I literally fell on the floor when I read that. Any anquished words from me to him met with silence. Said he didnt have the patience for it.

I defriended her not him. Just couldn't disconnect my only tether to him. Reading about the two of them making plans on FB and posting about spending their life together was the most devestating thing Ive been through. He told me much later how upset he was with himself that he put me through that, but the damage is done.

 After the honeymoon phase was over she "friended" me and every woman fb friend he had who was single, to try to figure out why he had grown cold suddenly.

Its awful when you are still in the phase of hanging on to that connection with someone online... .you kinda want to see whats going on in their life but then you start studying it and trying to get a read into how their relationship is going etc. Then there's that lurch in your heart when they post something that bruises your heart all over again.

[Herodias]

Well I learned allot from Facebook. It helped me with catching his cheating, his lies and I got all of my adultery evidence for court. I am able to see nothing has changed with him. The last post his gf has before she changed her settings to private was a picture of a cat with a Santa hat on, chasing the little white puff on the end of the hat that is dangling in his face. The cat quickly bobs his head back and forth, back and forth, up and down... .up and down... .you get the idea I hope. The top of the meme says. " When You Don't Know What the heck Is Going On!"  Well, doesn't that about sum up our lives with pwBPD?  LOL -Nothing changes!

[kc sunshine]

This is very helpful-- now that the other foot has fallen in terms of being replaced, I definitely don't need to know anymore details about their fun times together! That would only be me hurting me at that point. Thanks gang. Here goes day 3.