Were you stalked/monitored/harassed after being discarded? How did you cope?

[GreenEyedMonster]

I was just spending some time thinking about this.

In three weeks, it will be one year since I broke up with him.  Or he broke up with me, to be technical.

Other than a brief hiatus earlier this year, my ex has checked my whereabouts online 1-3x per day on average -- that I know of.

He is terrified of being a criminal, and he is well aware of the stalking laws in my state since he has used them to unjustly accuse me.  I don't think he would cross those lines because he doesn't want to be accused.  Also, I have moved since our relationship ended and we are NC, so he no longer knows where I live.  Sometimes I worry that he will file a PPO against me and I will have to go to court and fight it, which would be costly and time-consuming, but other than that, I don't worry much about what he will do to me.

My ex is probably BPD but with a very heavy dose of Paranoid PD mixed in as well.  He is extremely afraid of being hurt, injured, or killed during sex -- a really odd fear that his mother instilled in him to keep him *hers* -- so he is not quick to jump into bed, or even another relationship, with other people.  He has a deep fear of dominatrixes.  The last time I spoke to him in any sort of civil conversation, he was going on and on about that episode in Season 1 of Downton Abbey where the man dies in bed with Lady Mary and how terrifying that would be to watch.  Thanks to his disturbed mother, he tends to view women as being very threatening and dangerous, people he needs to protect himself against.  Even though he came to view me this way in the end -- it was inevitable -- I don't doubt that he still misses me, too, and I think his stalking is a way to keep a connection.  I've also noticed a huge uptick in strange Facebook friend requests and especially anonymous hang-up phone calls in the last year, but all of that is just circumstantial.

His views on women range from extreme attraction and trust to total mistrust and even homicidal thoughts on revenge.  I do miss him once in a while; I'd be lying if I said I didn't.  But he obviously has some very severe psychiatric and FOO issues that make us permanently incompatible.

[sweet tooth]

I share similar feelings (and circumstances) to you, Green. Spike in Friend Requests and messages to the point I had to log off FB, spike in unknown caller/unfamiliar ID phone calls, spike in anonymous LinkedIn views.

This stuff has put so much stress on me that it has rocked my core. It's affecting my work and school. My dog died, I have a lousy job, I'm over 30 and living with my parents, and grad school is a major stressor. I can't take it anymore.

[GreenEyedMonster]

I share similar feelings (and circumstances) to you, Green. Spike in Friend Requests and messages to the point I had to log off FB, spike in unknown caller/unfamiliar ID phone calls, spike in anonymous LinkedIn views.

This stuff has put so much stress on me that it has rocked my core. It's affecting my work and school. My dog died, I have a lousy job, I'm over 30 and living with my parents, and grad school is a major stressor. I can't take it anymore.

I'm sorry you've been so deeply affected, sweet tooth.  I have an anxiety disorder so I have been using the strategies I learned in CBT to cope with what has happened to me.  I can't control this individual, only how I respond to him.  If I must meet him in court, I will, even if it costs me a lot of money.  I don't spend a lot of time thinking about nightmare scenarios because there is no benefit to me; I just try to keep living my life as much as I can while trying to act wisely to protect my safety.  When he does react to me, he seems to react with frustration that my life has moved on and that there is not much more interest to offer him here.  He likes drama for drama's sake, even if it's negative attention.  I think he actually enjoys the feeling that he is being stalked because it gives him something interesting to anticipate in an otherwise bleak life.  In light of that, I ignore him aggressively.

[sweet tooth]

Thank you, Green. This has easily been one of the worst years of my life. I'm probably having a major depressive episode. Mind you, all of this stuff went down as I lowered my dose of anti-depressants. It's been a very hard adjustment.