The Cats well and truely out the bag

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Apprently she thinks we are evolving and we will never truely be "over"! The more she speaks the nuttier she sounds.

Ladies and Gentlemen, im am out of this and running to the hills hahaha...

How mental can a persobn be to treat someone with such hate and distain that they think you'll be there and happy to work at things? Yes i love her but im starting to realise i love myself a bit more than i do her.

She there tapping up fresh supply yet still expects me to be there at her beck and call. Nope not this time.

Bloody nutjob

DazedD40


I'll take blame for my stupidity for continuously taking her back in my life, when I had plenty of opportunities to make the right decision and cut her out of my life. I continuously gave her the opportunity to toy with me. I knew I was painted black. I confronted her too often, accused her of cheating (never had any physical proof) but yet like an idiot I went back for more. I did this despite knowing all the dangers of being involved with a mentally ill person. I did it despite my friends and family telling me to stay the ''F'' away from her. She knew this. She knew she had me, when I accused her of so many faults, but yet she could always get me back, I was thrown into the heap of useful objects conditioned to be at her beck in call when no others are around.

It just boggles my mind that she's willing to repeatedly sleep with me despite painting me black. I guess she will use any tool available to keep me hooked. Granted, I'm not any better as I thought I could sleep with her, no strings attached. I couldn't, and I now realize that I do need some specialized help. The feelings are still there. Every successive recycle was just a 24 hour window to rekindle the the idealization stage, after that there is hell to pay.


Here is the order of events;


1. She broke up with me in late April, when she probably found a replacement.

2. I was doing well in my recovery, I was realizing how this could never work. We would go weeks without speaking, and as I was beginning to feel better, I allowed her to reel me back in.

3. I was painted black. Too many accusations that hit too close to reality for her. She can't have this. I was just a mouse to play with. See if she could snare me, despite me knowing that she is toxic for me. This is narcissism at it's finest. Her dialogue must have been something along the lines of, I could still get him back despite all his accusations.

4. I know a lot about t BPD. I've done months of research. Heck I thought I was an expert. At the end of the day, I was just a guy, who refused to go no contact.

5. She resented me, and used are time together, just to work on painting me as being unworthy of her. I was defective,  and this last discard gave her the opportunity to allow her to list more reasons why she look for someone else. It's a mind ''F'' preparing me for an even deeper fall into the gutter.

6. It's the cat and mouse game. She's going in for the kill. She has a new replacement all lined up. What greater opportunity to have her cake and eat it too.

As far as sex is concerned, to her I'm a vibrator who keeps on giving even when the battery is low. She would use me to kill time until my replacement is available.

[Rayban]

Apprently she thinks we are evolving and we will never truely be "over"! The more she speaks the nuttier she sounds.

Ladies and Gentlemen, im am out of this and running to the hills hahaha...

How mental can a persobn be to treat someone with such hate and distain that they think you'll be there and happy to work at things? Yes i love her but im starting to realise i love myself a bit more than i do her.

She there tapping up fresh supply yet still expects me to be there at her beck and call. Nope not this time.

Bloody nutjob

DazedD40


I'll take blame for my stupidity for continuously taking her back in my life, when I had plenty of opportunities to make the right decision and cut her out of my life. I continuously gave her the opportunity to toy with me. I knew I was painted black. I confronted her too often, accused her of cheating (never had any physical proof) but yet like an idiot I went back for more. I did this despite knowing all the dangers of being involved with a mentally ill person. I did it despite my friends and family telling me to stay the ''F'' away from her. She knew this. She knew she had me, when I accused her of so many faults, but yet she could always get me back, I was thrown into the heap of useful objects conditioned to be at her beck in call when no others are around.

It just boggles my mind that she's willing to repeatedly sleep with me despite painting me black. I guess she will use any tool available to keep me hooked. Granted, I'm not any better as I thought I could sleep with her, no strings attached. I couldn't, and I now realize that I do need some specialized help. The feelings are still there. Every successive recycle was just a 24 hour window to rekindle the the idealization stage, after that there is hell to pay.


Here is the order of events;


1. She broke up with me in late April, when she probably found a replacement.

2. I was doing well in my recovery, I was realizing how this could never work. We would go weeks without speaking, and as I was beginning to feel better, I allowed her to reel me back in.

3. I was painted black. Too many accusations that hit too close to reality for her. She can't have this. I was just a mouse to play with. See if she could snare me, despite me knowing that she is toxic for me. This is narcissism at it's finest. Her dialogue must have been something along the lines of, I could still get him back despite all his accusations.

4. I know a lot about t BPD. I've done months of research. Heck I thought I was an expert. At the end of the day, I was just a guy, who refused to go no contact.

5. She resented me, and used are time together, just to work on painting me as being unworthy of her. I was defective,  and this last discard gave her the opportunity to allow her to list more reasons why she look for someone else. It's a mind ''F'' preparing me for an even deeper fall into the gutter.

6. It's the cat and mouse game. She's going in for the kill. She has a new replacement all lined up. What greater opportunity to have her cake and eat it too.

As far as sex is concerned, to her I'm a vibrator who keeps on giving even when the battery is low. She would use me to kill time until my replacement is available.

[DazedD40]

She doesnt need me! She knows she can get laid with the drop of her knickers and she has been doing exactly that before and since we broke up. How she thinks we can still salvage something obviously comes from her need to control me and know im still there as a source of supply. Well that supply is well and truely cut.

She has ripped me apart to the core and im not sure how im managing to function.

[DazedD40]

Scary thing is, although i think and feel this was the final discard i get the horrible feeling she hasnt finished with me and theres more to come.

[Leonis]

Scary thing is, although i think and feel this was the final discard i get the horrible feeling she hasnt finished with me and theres more to come.

Then, enjoy the downtime without her before she strikes again. I figure my ex will only approach me if she needs something again, and that can very well be getting bored with the new roommate that moved in mid-May. It happened with her other roommates. Eventually, she only has judgmental comments about them.

[DazedD40]

Now ive reread that back as well as your post, i have reminded myself she can only come back for another bite if i allow her.

I have the power to stop this dont i?

As well as reading this i spoke with someone at work and said im having an off day. I havent even spoken with my ex today and i found myself letting her have power over me in my work place where i could feel myself bubbling up.

I can stop this and i can keep my power. How do i do that?

[DreamerGirl]

DazeedD40 we seem to be both at a very similar place right now.

Like you, I went back in and took another sip of the poison.  I have been lied too, cheated on and treated like his object that he can play with whenever he feels empty or bored. 

I am now on day four NC.  I have been feeling more angry this time than sad.  Which is good because when I'm sad, I am in a much weaker head space and more likely to listen to his BS and take him back.  He will be in the process soon, of working out his next tactic, lie, to reel me back.

He has nearly destroyed my self respect.  It's hard to respect myself, considering how much I have allowed him to get away with, and I've always swept it under the carpet and made excuses in my own mind which allowed me to believe in him.  Not this time. 

I feel a bit different at the moment.  I'm not sure if it's the anger, but I feel a little bit stronger than I've ever felt before with him.

This time, I don't want to hear from him.  I usually crave that.  The love and attraction I have for him is still there, that I know will not go away overnight.  But I can see, for those brief moments of believing we have the perfect relationship, I then have to pay dearly for the rest of the time, via cheating, lying, disappearing acts and always walking on eggshells, so I don't upset him and a general sense of, even when I think I'm happy, feeling insecure.  Always worried that I might upset him or say something wrong.  I don't want to live like that anymore. 

I hope I can give you some strength, and maybe you can give me some too.  We can do this!

[DazedD40]

Dreamer Girl you are right we are in the same place. I remeber recently trying to offer you words of support when the charming was happening to you and i took great stregnth from what you were posting about but then, i allowed myself to get charmed right back in only to allow her her final dicard moment where she let rip and told me about all the lies and cheating.

Im so angry too although i can feel i need to allow that to come out in a calm manner as opposed to kicking the hell off. Thats hard, i want to tell her everything im feeling but theres no point, it acts as a source of ammusment for her to see me like that and she gets off on it.

She can f&*k and die for all i care right at this minute.

Strange thing to say seeing as i love her but as ive learnt, love isnt enough anymore.

[DreamerGirl]

DazedD40 I know how hard this is, I'm right there with you.

I did the same, I allowed him to charm me back.  But, I truly believe I wasn't quite at the end, the end of the dream that I had built up, four years ago, and which he also contributed too... but his was mostly in words, he is very good at words, and now when I look back at the actions of love in our relationship, he really hasn't shown a lot of action.  And when I think about how he has treated me, by lying and cheating behind my back, then lying to me that it didn't happen, even though I know it did, I can't help but say... .Is that the sort of love that I want?... .No, I deserve an honest and loving man, and you also deserve the same.

I know I wanted to call and text mine last night and tell him exactly what I am thinking, tell him to go to hell and much more than that.  But, I thankfully stopped myself.  Because I remember how much joy he got, years ago from his ex girlfriend who did that.  And he labelled her the Crazy Stalker!   

[DazedD40]

Mine has not only been cheating but tapping in to old sources of supply in the shape of two of her ex boyfiriends. She's lining one up as the new partner due to his wealth as he can provide her with financial stability. Muppet has been drawn back in to it as well and this was happening whilst we were still together. Shes been stalking me on social media sites and advised she wants to sleep with my next girlfriend/s and claims we will never be done and this is all part of our relationship evolving. Hmm let me think about that for a second hahaha...

I finally saw behind the mask! She scares the living daylights out of me now. Ive been sleeping with the devil.