sometimes feeling alone

[Depression = 72% of members]

I read a lot of posts on these boards and they help in a great way. Between here, my T, lots of reflecting and time in general I have come a long way. When I read posts and read on line about npd & BPD I can see things clearly, I can read my own story, to a certain extent. When I proposed to my ex wife I told her I was going to be a good husband, she said I know. That was all, no I will be a good wife or any kind of positive feed back. I feel alone on here in that aspect, maybe it's better I was never promised anything, maybe I have to put another twist on this. It is my stumbling block. I was devistated by her insidious emotional, mental and verbal abuse and her complete denial of it but maybe I would be worse if she did profess her love or planned a future with me or any number of things that couples say to each other. I didn't walk marriage blind, my family was surprised, my friends were scratching there head. She made it clear she never wanted a future with me, she made such demands of me in regard to having children that no human could ever meet them, she was always threatening to leave, she told me 3 days after we were married that the marriage meant nothing to her and she wasn't afraid to divorce me, she threatened me with violence countless times, she never shared her life with me, past or present, never would open an account with me, I never knew how much money she made, she got very jealous when I shared my account balance with her and it was more than hers, said it wasn't fair, I tried to tell her it wasn't my money it was ours but nothing I could do or say would ease her mind, she insulted me my family on a daily basis, I had my bad points there is no doubt of that but I was always willing to look at me, willing to go to a councillor and change. She sent me to counselling, forbidding me to bring her up in discussion and was furious when I told her I did and refused to join me. She hated my family, said the most sinister, hateful things about them, to the point where they wouldn't talk to her and she turned it all around and said see, they won't talk to me, my sister stepped up to the plate and said let's end what ever is going here, clean the slate and start over. She was willing to forgive my wife for all the inhuman things she said. I was very eager about this and saw healing on the horizon. My than wife, went off the wall, I was so confused so mentally broke. So the list can go on but you get the point. I am stuck, can't move past the horrable treatment, can't move past how she started a new life with another man like I was a nothing. Maybe it was better I was promised nothing, she made good on her word, to crush me, she didn't expect me to rebound. Her only promise ever was to leave me and keep our child out of my life as much as possible and she made good on it. I had every chance to walk away and I hung on turning my self inside out for her. I feel the alone part bc I don't recall reading my story on here about only being rejected. It reinforces in me, what is wrong with me. It's like everything she hated in life was all rolled up into me.

[bus boy]

I read a lot of posts on these boards and they help in a great way. Between here, my T, lots of reflecting and time in general I have come a long way. When I read posts and read on line about npd & BPD I can see things clearly, I can read my own story, to a certain extent. When I proposed to my ex wife I told her I was going to be a good husband, she said I know. That was all, no I will be a good wife or any kind of positive feed back. I feel alone on here in that aspect, maybe it's better I was never promised anything, maybe I have to put another twist on this. It is my stumbling block. I was devistated by her insidious emotional, mental and verbal abuse and her complete denial of it but maybe I would be worse if she did profess her love or planned a future with me or any number of things that couples say to each other. I didn't walk marriage blind, my family was surprised, my friends were scratching there head. She made it clear she never wanted a future with me, she made such demands of me in regard to having children that no human could ever meet them, she was always threatening to leave, she told me 3 days after we were married that the marriage meant nothing to her and she wasn't afraid to divorce me, she threatened me with violence countless times, she never shared her life with me, past or present, never would open an account with me, I never knew how much money she made, she got very jealous when I shared my account balance with her and it was more than hers, said it wasn't fair, I tried to tell her it wasn't my money it was ours but nothing I could do or say would ease her mind, she insulted me my family on a daily basis, I had my bad points there is no doubt of that but I was always willing to look at me, willing to go to a councillor and change. She sent me to counselling, forbidding me to bring her up in discussion and was furious when I told her I did and refused to join me. She hated my family, said the most sinister, hateful things about them, to the point where they wouldn't talk to her and she turned it all around and said see, they won't talk to me, my sister stepped up to the plate and said let's end what ever is going here, clean the slate and start over. She was willing to forgive my wife for all the inhuman things she said. I was very eager about this and saw healing on the horizon. My than wife, went off the wall, I was so confused so mentally broke. So the list can go on but you get the point. I am stuck, can't move past the horrable treatment, can't move past how she started a new life with another man like I was a nothing. Maybe it was better I was promised nothing, she made good on her word, to crush me, she didn't expect me to rebound. Her only promise ever was to leave me and keep our child out of my life as much as possible and she made good on it. I had every chance to walk away and I hung on turning my self inside out for her. I feel the alone part bc I don't recall reading my story on here about only being rejected. It reinforces in me, what is wrong with me. It's like everything she hated in life was all rolled up into me.

[Leonis]

Take a step back.

You know it's not your fault. You are battling because of your son, for his welfare.

She's not moving on with her life with another man, she's off to sink another ship. You should feel sorry for the next guy. It's only a matter of time before the something similar happens to him.

We are here for you, but you must take steps to alleviate your pain, especially with your physical health issues as well. Don't feel alone because you have friends and family who should be supporting you.

The only thing that's wrong with you right now is believing all the negative attributes your ex have pinned on you.

[Thrive]

Hi bus boy,
Here is the one thing you need to know---the next guy is in for exactly the same thing.

It was not something lacking in you that made her forced to only treat you this way. She is a toxic person. She will treat everyone within arms reach the same. I promise you. She has utilized this set of behaviors to get what she wants for far longer than you have known her. This next man will be looking for answers to his own heartache soon enough. And the next guy after him, and the next guy after him.
You don't see it now, but you were given your freedom.

Aaannddd... .I just realized I wrote nearly the same thing as Leonis
That's because it's true--you'll see

[bus boy]

Thank you. The BPD family really helps me put things in perspective.