So I drop my son off Saturday and hear one word since

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Talked to my sponsor this morning and told him I was angry and worried about my son. I think my son's mother is punishing me for keeping him two weeks for her to go get help and or recover from her "feelings of suicide".

Her mother upset her and my exgf thought hurting herself was the solution.

Anyway I digress, my sponsor told me to ignore my exes texts about her health and relationship issues, I told him I have asked her a few dozen times to refrain from indulging herself at my expense and to please stick to the topic of our son and leave it at that.

I cannot get her to stop soo I just ignore her pleas for attention from me. And now she's playing it on the other extreme and not saying anything but "fine"

Sponsor said I cannot change her, can't control her, can't understand her, I could hear his wife in the background, she's a big Alanon person (love her, well both of them) she said, didn't cause it, can't control it, cant cure it.

My exgf says she's clean but her extensive drug and alcohol abuse will get to her eventually, dry drunk we call it.

Anyway, sponsor says I will never understand my exgf and since I'm not God, that won't change.

And great, just got a text from my son's teacher saying his mother won't respond to calls or texts! She don't care one bit about our son.

Another thing is I'm feeling sorry for myself because mom won't do the best thing for me or our son. Hey, can't argue with someone with +30 plus years of sobriety and a leader in our city's AA

[JerryRG]

Talked to my sponsor this morning and told him I was angry and worried about my son. I think my son's mother is punishing me for keeping him two weeks for her to go get help and or recover from her "feelings of suicide".

Her mother upset her and my exgf thought hurting herself was the solution.

Anyway I digress, my sponsor told me to ignore my exes texts about her health and relationship issues, I told him I have asked her a few dozen times to refrain from indulging herself at my expense and to please stick to the topic of our son and leave it at that.

I cannot get her to stop soo I just ignore her pleas for attention from me. And now she's playing it on the other extreme and not saying anything but "fine"

Sponsor said I cannot change her, can't control her, can't understand her, I could hear his wife in the background, she's a big Alanon person (love her, well both of them) she said, didn't cause it, can't control it, cant cure it.

My exgf says she's clean but her extensive drug and alcohol abuse will get to her eventually, dry drunk we call it.

Anyway, sponsor says I will never understand my exgf and since I'm not God, that won't change.

And great, just got a text from my son's teacher saying his mother won't respond to calls or texts! She don't care one bit about our son.

Another thing is I'm feeling sorry for myself because mom won't do the best thing for me or our son. Hey, can't argue with someone with +30 plus years of sobriety and a leader in our city's AA

[HurtinNW]

Jerry,

Sometimes we have to take ourselves and—firmly—point our chins in another direction. It's natural for you to focus on your ex. She hurt you tremendously, you have a child together, and she causes all sorts of drama.

But for your emotional health you have to forcefully redirect your emotional attention to a different future. I know it is hard, we all deal with this! Your sponsor is right. This is who she is. Your focus needs to be on you and your son. You know texting your ex to ask her to stop texting you won't work, it's just feeding into her issues.

What can you do that focuses just on you and your future, along with son? What are your dreams for a future? Education, career, moves? If you picture your ideal life in ten years, what would it look like? I find it helpful to make such plans, because then you can put the focus on all the steps you need to get there. Do you want to be living someplace different with son? Then start the steps of getting yourself rock solid and go the custody route. Do you want to have a certain kind of career? Then start those steps.

It is so very hard to detach from these relationships. But that's what we are here to do, and one of the key steps is right over there, to your right... .taking creative action. We process what has happened to us, and then we start finding enthusiasm for something new that has nothing to do with the ex. We create a new life and new future that is detached from the ex. What does your ideal future look like? What steps can you make in that direction?  

[JerryRG]

Oh my gosh, thanks HurtinNW

I got a texts a few minutes after posting this and went to pick up our son, mom comes out in short shorts and before I leave has to show me bug bites on her behind. Lol she never stops! Thanks for the show anyway,

I just ignore her attempts to get attention from me, not interested

[seenr]

I am drained from the mind games collecting and dropping S3.

Last week, being quiet and non confrontational led to her asking me to change where we do the handovers. We did that, then something I did upset her again. Then she sent me emails, then today she had witnesses when I dropped him off.

I just don't react but am sick of the mind games.

[Thunderstruck]

Your sponsor is a smart man! 

You can't understand her, nor would you want to! The inside of her mind must be a sad, scary, chaotic place.

I agree with HurtinNW, focus your energy on your own goals.

[JerryRG]

Thanks seenr and Thunderstruck, HurtinNW

Took our son to the pool after picking him up, his mom said she didn't receive a call from our sons teacher, excuse me but I will trust the teacher in this situation and believe she did call.

And what's up with flashing your bare bottom at me? Seriously I've seen it enough times but aren't you with a guy right now?

No bounderies for sure.

[HurtinNW]

It's very sad and desperate, isn't it?

Your precious son has the opportunity to grow up with a fine dad for a role model, and you can help him over the years while his mom probably will not. This can be an exciting opportunity for you to move beyond her in ways that will astound you.

Good job keeping it cool in her escalations! I am sure your son will pick up to the mature zen you are emanating and it will be so awesome for him! Keep it up, Jerry! 

[JerryRG]

Thank you HurtinNW

Those are very kind words of encouragement and so appreciated, I am doing my best, some days I feel like I'm running as soon as my feet hit the floor. A lot yet to do and so far to go. God is so good.