Will she come back to me at all ?

[Ashwin]

Her topic came up my folks asked me about her and I guess that's what did me in ... .they asked me if I was okay ! Well that brought on a wave of pleasant memories ... .then I found myself asking them about the probability of her ever coming back to me?
         

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[livednlearned]

When they asked you if you were ok, how did you respond?

[Ashwin]

I told them that I wasn't okay because they wanted to introduce me to someone new and get engaged to that person ... .that's when I told them that I wasn't over my ex  

[SoMadSoSad]

I feel the same way as you Ashwin. I feel I could've handled things better in the relationship and I would love another chance to show her how much she meant to me. If you want to know if she thinks about you here is what I gathered from my ex. On Facebook she was liking posts of quotes saying things like God protects you from things you want because it isn't what you need. Or quotes like sometimes you have to burn bridges to keep from going back. Based on the quotes it seems like she does think about me and maybe even want me, but she can't bring herself to contact me because of the pain I gave her.

[Ashwin]

Somadsosad thank you I guess we both are in the same boat  my girl she has put this up on her fb "god will make a way when there seems be noway"
     But in ur case she may still want you that's not the case with me ... .she does portray herself to be a religious zealot but she isn't ... .as far as hurting her was concerned I never did that ... .but I did confront her about her past. ... .it all seems so stupid to me now... .
      Will I ever get her back again I know that's a 99 % NO and probably a 1 % yes ... .but then again I am forced to think about an alternate scenario just to pacify myself ... .what if
                                   1... .had we continued her dramas would have driven me crazy ?
                                    2... .1 year ago things were different she was pushing me to get married. ... .had I done that 1 year later would I have regretted the whole thing?
            3... .would she have mooted the idea of a possible conversion and using the marriage as leverage would she have tormented me with that
            4... .finally the big one  WHY DOES MY MIND KEEP RRMINDING ME OF ONly the good times we had together ? Why is it portraying my ex as an angel and me as the counterpart. ... .
               
       

[livednlearned]

WHY DOES MY MIND KEEP RRMINDING ME OF ONly the good times we had together ? Why is it portraying my ex as an angel and me as the counterpart. ... .   

Often the most intense feelings, the ones that are hard to comprehend, are buried deep in our family of origin experiences. Unresolved grief and deep feelings go underground and gain strength. Our pwBPD bring those feelings to the surface. They may trigger the original wound and because we have suppressed those feelings, we cannot easily see their origin.

If you experienced a significant loss when you were a child, that may help guide you to those original feelings. Some adults do not have the skills needed to help a child grieve. Your family wants you to get over your ex quickly, with a snap of the finger. Perhaps they were the same growing up? Your feelings were dismissed?

It's worth looking at these early stories and trying to reprocess the feelings. That helps you get centered so that you can be the emotionally stable person in whatever relationship comes next, BPD or otherwise.

[Ashwin]

Well if what I heard is true ... .she has someone now and they are going strong ... .well that's it I guess , leaves  all whys and won't s to rest ... .seems she spent the last 5 days with that chap. .good for her I wish her the best.
   

[livednlearned]

Are you doing ok?

[Ashwin]

Thank you livednlearned ... .I'm not all okay ... I just feel sad , I really don't know about BPD although most of her mannerisms perfectly fit  all the traits of a pwBPD ... .I jumped in too fast into the relationship ... I don't like to condemn my ex ... .I have emerged a bit enlightened but deeply hurt ... .it's just too much for me to bear that I was once yeah once upon a time her true love ... .and now I'm just a crazy stalker who if ever tries to stumble before her or contact her or get any info about her will be thrown behind bars...
        Sometimes I feel that there is no point in living anymore ... .I've seen people die day in n day out there is no meaning I feel ... .
        Many people over various forums have penned down their positive experience of their exes reaching out to them some have made amends and have successfully lead a not so turbulent lives... .for the others it was disaster all over again. . I TOO HOPED AGAINST HOPE THAT SHE WOULD REACH OUT TO ME DESPITE ALL THE THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED. ... .but I have been terribly let down by fate...

[SoMadSoSad]

Thank you livednlearned ... .I'm not all okay ... I just feel sad , I really don't know about BPD although most of her mannerisms perfectly fit  all the traits of a pwBPD ... .I jumped in too fast into the relationship ... I don't like to condemn my ex ... .I have emerged a bit enlightened but deeply hurt ... .it's just too much for me to bear that I was once yeah once upon a time her true love ... .and now I'm just a crazy stalker who if ever tries to stumble before her or contact her or get any info about her will be thrown behind bars...
        Sometimes I feel that there is no point in living anymore ... .I've seen people die day in n day out there is no meaning I feel ... .
        Many people over various forums have penned down their positive experience of their exes reaching out to them some have made amends and have successfully lead a not so turbulent lives... .for the others it was disaster all over again. . I TOO HOPED AGAINST HOPE THAT SHE WOULD REACH OUT TO ME DESPITE ALL THE THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED. ... .but I have been terribly let down by fate...

I feel exactly like you. It's so stupid that one minute someone could mean the world to someone then the next they want nothing to do with you. It's like if we meant less to each other like if we were just friends we would still probably be on good terms but because we meant more we can never speak or see them again .