Has anyone actually moved on?

[RighteousAnger]

Glad to see there is hope! I've been on and off with my uBPDgf for about 2 years now. We are currently broke up again. The fights and demands are getting worse. We have been recycling literally every couple days for the past few weeks and I am feeling drained. Prior to that I had gone a month NC, but obviously I broke down my own wall. Sometimes I look in the mirror and wonder what happened to the guy that wouldn't take crap from anyone. A couple years of mental, emotional, and psychological abuse (and physical on a few occasions... .but always the threat of it). She prayed on my compassion... .compassionate people make for easy pray. I know I am at fault too... .I'm codependent which is odd because for many years I went the opposite direction (maybe it's the getting older thing?) and have an addictive personality... .I have become addicted to the ups and downs (more the ups) she brings and have worried I'll find "normal" women boring after her. So seeing that others are finding "regular" people wonderful to date again brings hope. I've forgotten what it is like to disagree with a partner about something and it not meaning I am a horrible person who should just agree with her or lose her number and never contact her again... .followed by her calling me names and telling me I never do anything for her and surely don't and never did love her... .to the next day "Hey, what you up to?" text like nothing happened. Rinse, repeat, recycle... .

[gotbushels]

Has anyone actually moved on to a more stable overal better relationship? Especially with children ?

Moved on, yes. Better relationship, yes. Children, no.

Life is fantastically better without my upwBPD ex. Both single and dating. I have felt a vastly greater sense of both foresight and control (personal and relational). It's also much easier for me to avoid partners I don't want to be around.

  ForeverDad
I definitely agree with what ForeverDad said: Recovery is a process over time, not an event.

It takes time, I think it's one of those put-in-what-you-get-out things. That can be positive or negative. It took me many months before I was ready to date. I learned to really spoil myself so you can make it easier if you want to 

pwBPDs (a serious mental illness) have been documented to leave residual effects on nons so it's important to deeply question what happened. Therefore, we could well require time to recover too. Rape victims require recovery--while not the "same" thing--why shouldn't we?

Recall that a pwBPD's behaviours are greatly enabled between certain combinations of people. You want to ask "What kinds of people?" and explore that. Then you'll have done some housekeeping. Being able to fix the damage from a relationship before taking yourself to the next relationship is this great gift we have. Even then, while exploring, if you dig up a skeleton in your backyard that was responsible for haunting you (that existed before the relationship) as a result of your exploration, then all the power to you. Some of us here seemed to have something like this. Go for it!

  fromheeltoheal
LOL BPD school. Isn't it just. Rofl.

[Dontknow88]

Thank you all for the  reply's. Yes, I guess like any failed relationship it takes time, getting to know the new you, assessing that, recover and better yourself (even if you don't think you need to better yourself) everyone will always need to elvolve then moving on to a new relationship, healed, ready & fully emotionally  available

[FallBack!Monster]

I feel I have. The key, start thinking of her as an object not a person. That's what I represented to her, that's why it was easy for her to hurt me.

[FallBack!Monster]

I feel I have. The key, start thinking of her as an object not a person. That's what I represented to her, that's why it was easy for her to hurt me.

[mitchell16]

yes, I have and life is good again. Next month will be two years since I spoke to my exBPDgf. After I told her I was done and I never wanted to hear from her again. I got the usual, her blowing my phone up with texts and calls all hours of the night, emails, stalking. alternating between telling me one day I was the greatest and when I didnt respond, to her telling me via text how I was the lowest form of life. I just kept sticking to NC no matter what she said or texted and she just finally stopped after about 5 months. What I relized was, I was really the one in control, when I complained the she said mean and hurtful things to me I had all the control. and that was by going NC and sticking to it no matter what. It just came to me one day that the only way she really could hurt me was by me listening to her and if i was NC I could no longer hear what she was saying. But, by the time all this happened we had been on about our 12th recycle in 3 years. our longest seperation had been about 8 months and I had already knew that life was better without her. Prior to the 8 month break up, our break ups never lasted more then 3 or 4 weeks, I never contacted her, she always started the break up and always initionated the recycle, but I was always there waiting for it. When the last break up happened I already had my mind set to go NC I was just waitin for the normal to happen and I knew it would, it got to where I could just about predict when she was gonna start the break up and when she was gonna start the recyle. I had it down to a science.

But to answer your question yes, I moved on and my life has returned to how it was prior to BPD and Im in a wonderful realtionship that is so normal its scary. I do still have a little shell shock from my BPD ex but as time goes on it gets to be less and less. NC is really the Key!

[Pretty Woman]

Moved on. Well I've dated a few people yet over a year out and I still think of her daily. I'm still "jealous" of my replacement even though my ex was terrible for me and treated me badly (cheating, lying, smear campaigns, etc.)

I think I am at the point I want her to suffer. That's a horrible feeling to have. I am sure she suffers daily (in her head). I work with my ex's sister and this has caused me embarrassing issues at work. I've been threatened and intimidated. I can't believe I dated this idiot and could have lost my job, my livelihood.

I think I am more angry and spiteful. I did take a big step yesterday and delete all our mutual contacts on FB. She has blocked me, and I her. Still, I think I held onto these people as a security blanket. They ARENT my friends. I think this was a critical step for me to give myself closure of sorts.

PW

[Dontknow88]

yes, I have and life is good again. Next month will be two years since I spoke to my exBPDgf. After I told her I was done and I never wanted to hear from her again. I got the usual, her blowing my phone up with texts and calls all hours of the night, emails, stalking. alternating between telling me one day I was the greatest and when I didnt respond, to her telling me via text how I was the lowest form of life. I just kept sticking to NC no matter what she said or texted and she just finally stopped after about 5 months. What I relized was, I was really the one in control, when I complained the she said mean and hurtful things to me I had all the control. and that was by going NC and sticking to it no matter what. It just came to me one day that the only way she really could hurt me was by me listening to her and if i was NC I could no longer hear what she was saying. But, by the time all this happened we had been on about our 12th recycle in 3 years. our longest seperation had been about 8 months and I had already knew that life was better without her. Prior to the 8 month break up, our break ups never lasted more then 3 or 4 weeks, I never contacted her, she always started the break up and always initionated the recycle, but I was always there waiting for it. When the last break up happened I already had my mind set to go NC I was just waitin for the normal to happen and I knew it would, it got to where I could just about predict when she was gonna start the break up and when she was gonna start the recyle. I had it down to a science.

But to answer your question yes, I moved on and my life has returned to how it was prior to BPD and Im in a wonderful realtionship that is so normal its scary. I do still have a little shell shock from my BPD ex but as time goes on it gets to be less and less. NC is really the Key!

Im glad you moved on!
I wish I could go NC but we have a kid together. I can just see if we live that long in going to have pointless downs and drama for the next 18 years

[FallBack!Monster]

Dontknow88,, you said the magic  words.  I met someone about 2 months or so ago. We been taking since. I keep looking for weird signs. It makes me nervous how normal she is. So after the last BPD Stunt my worst experience pulled, I started to pay more attention to this new friend. She knows when to go home too. She texts me normal words. We go to the movies and do stuff we both like to do. The best part, she is responsible with her money. I noticed it.

I saw my ex for hopefully the last time last week. I had to make sure I was done with that & was done with wanting $3x with her bc I didn't want to toy with this normal woman's heart.  After seeing her, I knew.  I think Im ready to again start dating an adult.    
New wo.an is funnier than me too. I like that. 

[Dontknow88]

Dontknow88,, you said the magic  words.  I met someone about 2 months or so ago. We been taking since. I keep looking for weird signs. It makes me nervous how normal she is. So after the last BPD Stunt my worst experience pulled, I started to pay more attention to this new friend. She knows when to go home too. She texts me normal words. We go to the movies and do stuff we both like to do. The best part, she is responsible with her money. I noticed it.

I saw my ex for hopefully the last time last week. I had to make sure I was done with that & was done with wanting $3x with her bc I didn't want to toy with this normal woman's heart.  After seeing her, I knew.  I think Im ready to again start dating an adult.    
New wo.an is funnier than me too. I like that. 

YAY I'm extremely happy to hear that, I truly wish you all the best! Theirs a saying that goes "you don't destroy people you love"

So happy for you! Take it easy!