Interested observer

[JerryRG]

Hello everyone

Heard something interesting in our AA meeting that kinda explains why I got into so much trouble with my BPDexgf.

My friend said, and this was in generalities and not specific to me.

"All the love in the world will not fix you, you must come to that place yourself, when you are miserable enough, it is only then you will seek to change.
As for the time being I can only be an interested observer in your life.
I do not nor will not ever possess the power to change another human being."

I must remember this, my exgf will only change when she's ready, I offered her all the tools I have today and she wasn't ready. Instead she wanted to keep her misery and find an enabler to keep her in this state. For this I feel no guilt, no shame, I chose to not be around someone who wants to be miserable. I had had enough.

She lied to me this morning and today with no signs of remorse. My expectation is she will continue to lie until the day she decides lying is wrong, maybe never.

Not my problem, the only person I can control is myself. The only people who depend on me are my son and myself.

I hope everyone is doing better, I hope your pain is easier tonight and tomorrow is a better day.

God bless you all and thank you.

[gotbushels]

Not my problem, the only person I can control is myself.

Right on.   

The only people who depend on me are my son and myself.

I don't know why but I like the sound of this a lot.

I hope you're feeling better. God Bless Jerry 

[Sadly]

  me to you Jerry    and me to me   x

[cherryblossom]

Yes jerry! And I find it applies to me - only now after this particular failed relationship am i miserable enough to finally make changes to all my outdated coping and defence mechanisms - im finally facing my pain, my triggers and my self loathing, not running away from it or desperately trying to control everything around me - glod bless to you too Jerry xxx