What kind of thinking pattern is this?

[Lilyroze]

I am not sure what to think of this.

UBPD had to fix his car, and worked on it at other place. Fine, great, glad he dealt with. Again had to find him parts, pdf, instructions, just to get it all taken care of. Other wise left to devices would have spent three times amount. I just want LC so did it, done. Quite awhile ago so not sure why has take so long for him to do. Again his business.

He supposedly did all this work, cost a lot, which fine will give credit where credit is due.

Instead of doing on long holiday weekend or when he had time. Started late on a Sunday, ( was suppose to take 10 hours, told him to plan extra lot extra as hasn't done before). Then had to call work take off 5 days, yes 5 I guess as said took longer then 5 days.

Again fine, his business, his work, his boss, and well his time bank or vacation. We are not together doesn't affect me. Just why would you put yourself in that position at work, and to your boss? Then tried to blame me that took longer then 10 hours, or some other nonsense.

I just listened and said I needed to go and take care of things. Tried to validate that he did it, how good to have done.

Now NEEDS to be here tomorrow, he has a wrecked car in the back of my far property ( hidden). Let him know after crash needed it towed and gone, have asked, pleaded, and then ignored as he has to sign it off. So I can't do it on my own.

I have tried to be kind and let him leave ( with understanding needed gone within week of crash been forever)it so he could grab parts needed off for his other. Told him needed gone again, don't want here, doesn't need to be, if anything take to other home. Can't, won't.

Now needs to get wires as he left the hood open while working on for 5 days. Huh? It is now wet, burning and arching.

I just don't get it. Why do the work, spend the money, then leave open with hood for 5 days in rain?

I have been trying to deal now with knowing the creepy spying is for sure, get the kids and I safe. Have someone coming in to visit and don't need him here.

He won't be coming in, but here on property. I am just sick and at a loss. I can ignore, again ask for car to be off. Would have pushed but seemed least of priorities with all I have been dealing with now.

[Lilyroze]

I realized it is what it is. Life is precious, I will honor that and having read a few books and the tools it has let me see some things from childhood that led me to put up with the relationship with he and my Mom to a point. I take responsibility for my part in taking it, or trying to fix it.

I can choose to be the best person I can be, and will do so.

All is good, healing is good, and truly they are where they are at. I can't cure it, control it or didn't cause. I will try to see the good in all, have compassion, sorry if seemed liked I complained.

As I said before will be happy on my journey, care for my children, meditate, find peace and joy in the day.

I thank those whose posts have helped me, the tools I have learned from, the books that have enlightened me. I will continue on in my life with joy, learning for my business and make my health and life full of joy.

Thanks for those who have reached out and touched my heart, were caring or the PM's.

I wish I could delete my posts but can't so hope they didn't trigger anyone.  I know we are all here for support I do thank you for having this board and for those it has helped.

Be blessed on your journey. I wish you all well. Carpe Diem!

[gotbushels]

He supposedly did all this work, cost a lot, which fine will give credit where credit is due.
(... .)
Instead of doing on long holiday weekend or when he had time. Started late on a Sunday, ( was suppose to take 10 hours, told him to plan extra lot extra as hasn't done before). Then had to call work take off 5 days, yes 5 I guess as said took longer then 5 days.
(... .)
Now NEEDS to be here tomorrow, he has a wrecked car in the back of my far property ( hidden).
(... .)
Now needs to get wires as he left the hood open while working on for 5 days. Huh? It is now wet, burning and arching.

... .Wow. This seems to me a very incapable person.

I just listened and said I needed to go and take care of things. Tried to validate that he did it, how good to have done
(... .)
I have tried to be kind and let him leave ( with understanding needed gone within week of crash been forever)it so he could grab parts needed off for his other. Told him needed gone again, don't want here, doesn't need to be, if anything take to other home. Can't, won't.

I really like how you responded when he tried to blame you about the 10 hours and after you already told him to budget more time. If I let my ex do this to me all the time I would have had a bigger nightmare of a relationship.

Thanks for helping me to recall that yes I took blame for some ridiculously nonsensical things  just because it was easier than handling a tantrum / rage / sex-with-other-men threat. I remember the sun going down and coming up.

I would keep away from thinking about it. My summarised thoughts are that his behaviours are screaming, "Save me, save me, save me, please, please, please, I am so incapable at my life that I'll crash and burn a car into your back yard. Please save me? Maybe if I puppy face you, you'll fix my car for me? (unspoken: I learned not to tell you about all my problems at once)" 

I'm in awe of your responses.

[heartandwhole]

Hi Lilyroze,

Such confusing behavior, and frustrating! I think you handled yourself well. And I agree with gotbushels: your ex is trying to get you to solve his problems for him. You can't, and I commend you for not getting sucked into trying to do that.   I like the way you say "his business." That is a very wise attitude to take.

I don't find your posts triggering at all; I'm not sure what you mean by that? Could you tell us more? Breaking up with someone with BPD is really tough, and I hope you are honoring the pain and hurt that it generates inside of you. I only say this because you write that "you will be happy, etc." and I hope that is your goal for the future and not some kind of "putting on a happy face" so that others are not bothered by your pain or confusion. Does that make sense?

It's okay to express it if something is hurting you. We are all here to listen and support you. You don't have to be strong and "happy," you can just feel exactly what you feel in the moment and share it with us.  We care.

heartandwhole