Where to go from here? One direction.

[FallBack!Monster]

Atm, confused about my feelings. But now sure it's BPD. She literally split me, detached, abandoned the relationship b/c of imagined fear of abandonment. Tried to say she hung around b/c she knew i had money. The one thing she denies is cheating. Im unable to want to believe that's the one and ONLY symptom she doesn't have. Or the one thing she didn't or doesn't do. It doesn't make a difference.

She invited me to eat at an expensive restaurant, at ber expense. She wore my favorite dress and as always looked beautiful. After the restaurant, she wanted to walk and talk. It got verbal very quickly. I had to leave and go process it. This is a lot. This might be my last post.
I have to go NC and thats that.

[married21years]

good luck

i believed and was convinced mine would never cheat

i was wrong she has been doing it for years behind my back!

there is nothing off limits for someone with BPD

sorry NC is the only way 

[Mutt]

Hi FallBack!Monster,

I'm sorry to hear that. Did you confront her about cheating on your walk and talk?

[FallBack!Monster]

Did you confront her about cheating on your walk and talk?  

Lets just say it came up but i quickly changed the topic

[Mutt]

Lets just say it came up but i quickly changed the topic  

That's good to hear. My exBPDw has always denied having an affair and will rationalize that she didn't. She'll say that she told me that she was leaving me so it wasn't an affair but she kept it hidden and we were living under the same roof. Why did she have to hide it if it was OK? If I ask her it will trigger feelings of shame and she can't cope with negative feelings, as a defense mechanism to protect her ego she will project or dissociate those feelings. It was frustrating because I wanted to have my feelings validated but her behaviors and actions told the truth, I found that helped.

No contact is a tool not a weapon when we feel hurt, it gives us adequate space to heal our emotional wounds, it helps us to detach and it's an opportunity for self care and I completely understand how hurt we feel when our ex partners act in a way that invalidates our feelings because of their bad behaviors. I hope that you stick around, it helps to share. Hang in there.

[FallBack!Monster]

The walk and talk was closure for me.  I might be wrong but I thought since we talked about so much, if she was honest about that we could discuss it and could understand her somewhat better.  But I couldn't stand looking at her face lying once again. I don't care if she's ashamed.  She should be. How many time do you have to commit that disgusting act before you know it is a NASTY A*S thing to do.  She's not even young.  Imagine how many passerby been in that.  Got the nerves to tell me people have cheated on her.  Nope! you're the nasty cheater, baby.

See? that's the reason why I changed the topic.  I don't want her to own any of my emotions any more and she doesn't.  I do.  That's why "I" make myself mad when "I" bring it up in my mind.  But really, if she said yeah I did and went from there I would have respected her better.  But nope! deny deny deny.  Everything else she could talk about.  Of course NOTHING in the whole world is her fault.  haha

[Mutt]

See? that's the reason why I changed the topic.  I don't want her to own any of my emotions any more and she doesn't.  I do.  

It helps to talk about it. I trusted my ex wife, probably a little much and I had never thought that she would end up cheating on me. That really hurt because she betrayed my trust, I didn't want to salvage the r/s at that point because if I trust my partner, it's a shaky foundation for a relationship. Our values are different and that was my limit, cheating. I'm sorry that that happened to you.

[FallBack!Monster]

I'm sorry that that happened to you.

That didn't happen to me.  She did it to herself.

Her personality in a nutshell: she lies, she cheats, she steals, she sleeps (and around), eat, sh*ts.  The rest, she destroys.

At this point, with no doubt, I know my direction.  There's one thing that has been lingering in my mind for about 4 months now is her level of understanding.

We use to use to engage in very interesting topics of conversations.  I did initiate most, but she didn't seem to have a problem feeding it and following.  My question is, did she understand the point of the conversation.

I ask b/c I doubt she knew/knows the meaning of life.  The meaning of why people do the things they do to her and for her.  I know she doesn't understand that.  Well, I know it now.  I thought she was weird but I guess she was very good at convincing me she was following.  I don't think she was.

I feel like I was in my bed sharing intimate moments with my baby doll and didn't even know it.

If I don't find humor in it, i would probably feel ashamed that I couldn't tell that she wasn't coherent.