Hi kaj19
Being the partner of a pwBPD can often be a difficult role to play.
Over the years we have had many dramas and splits, which he blamed me for and I willingly shouldered the blame for things over the years.
Being able to
identify our roles is a very mature step that often goes in-step with a healthy solution. Well done!
After we split up I got to thinking about that time last year and put two and two together and realised it wasn't me... .I hadn't done anything wrong! he was in fact struggling with the facts his mother (inappropriately shared with him!) Thinking back over the years now I see this behavour over and over. Any big argument we have had over the years it's because things have been going on behind me and he didn't share, most of the time things to do with his mother.
Again, well done on correctly seeing that
you don't bear all of the blame. Also, well done maintaining your focus on the
behaviours. Oftentimes they hold the key when you're trying to figure out issues in the relationship.
I don't realy know what to do now, I sent him they texts to get my frustration and anger out.
If your partner has pwBPD behaviours--diagnosis or no diagnosis--it often serves the non well to
monitor ourselves instead of venting upon the partner. Venting upon a person is often more counterproductive than normal with a pwBPD. There are ways of keeping ourselves levelled while a pwBPD dysregulates.
I thought hell I've tried to tell him it's up to him if he acknowledges it or not. Now I feel conflicted again as in should I offer support or leave him to it. It's the biggest step forward in years and I feel responsible for him I guess too. I just feel like I'm leaving him hanging over a drop after telling him he has mental health problems.
This is important. You really touched many things that can help you in your first post. From here, you can use this as a basis to question why you feel so responsible for him. Is that really your role?
Detachment stage 1. →→→ (other stages on right side)
This may help you understand your role. SOs of pwBPDs often have additional roles to play in addition to being a partner.
Topic: 1.01 | The Do's and Don'ts in a BPD RelationshipI encourage you to look after yourself. What you described sounds difficult to deal with. This area will help you to stay focused on what's often healthier in a dialogue with a pwBPD, especially when you're finding you're having a difficult time. It will also help you stay levelled.
Topic: 1.06 | Radical Acceptance For Family Members (DBT skill)I encourage you to work more with the lessons on the sidebar to the right of this page. Do take your time, be kind to yourself, and look after yourself in the process. It can be difficult at times. I look forward to hearing how your story develops.
The site's acronyms are
here.