First post here - just got BPD diagnosis

[wemoon]

I have personally known my daughter has BPD for about the last 6 months, but everyone is so afraid to diagnose it under the age of 18. She is currently in the hospital, the 3rd hospitalization in the last year, with 2 other emergency room visits.

She is so out of control, I don't even know that I could explain. I have put into place every possible service I can think of: therapist, psychiatrist, art therapy, county mental health case manager. I have tried parenting from every angle I can think of: being more restrictive, less restrictive, trying to enforce rules, allowing her to learn natural consequences. I've been learning DBT skills to try to help me work with her. Nothing works.

I am literally scared for her to come home from the hospital. They started talking about discharge yesterday and I woke up in the middle of the night with panic. I don't know how to keep her safe. Her behaviors are so dangerous that if she manages to not kill herself by a suicide attempt, she'll kill herself accidentally by doing what she is doing.

I've been poking around on this forum for a good few months and so much of what others say fits my daughter exactly. I decided that now the diagnosis is official, I need to try to find support.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Skye1947]

You are doing the best thing you can now in finding support.  In the long run I have found that is the best solution.  Reading all you can on borderline will help too. Practicing communication skills will eventually help but it does take time.  I have been doing it for 20 or more years and still learning every day.

[need a break]

I am not new to the problem but am sort of new to the site.
I have received great comfort from people here. You and your D are in for a long haul.
I remember all the time my D was in treatment facilities I felt so much better. Then when i had to pick her up and bring her home
the fear and dread would begin.
I understand your fear of killing herself accidentally. I used (and still do) feel that way due to her lifestyle . The fact that she is still alive is miraculous.
I also understand the feeling on nothing works . 
You are not alone  just keep talking it does help

[Bright Day Mom]

Your story sounds similar to mine. My D 16 was hospitalized 5 times in 16 months. We had every service imaginable, PHP, IOP, inhome therapy, alternative high school w/social services / therapy and we felt like a hamster on a never ending wheel, we weren't making any progress and her moods were out of control.

After meeting w/the hospital social worker, talking with their staff psych, we made the difficult decision that she needed a higher level of care.  At that point we began looking into Residential programs.  BEST decision to date!  My daughter has even said it SAVED her life!

Do not let the hospital "bully" you into taking her home. Let them know you do not feel comfortable and know you cannot keep her safe. BTW, how old is your girl?

[wemoon]

Bright Day Mom- My daughter is 16, will be turning 17 in September. The ironic part of this, is that I am a social worker who worked in a hospital for 4 years and have been the "bully" in getting people out of the hospital. I am learning so much from the patient side of this and it makes me so angry that I was pushed by hospital administration to get people out of the hospital as quickly as possible. I now work in a outpatient family practice clinic and enjoy it so much more because I can advocate for patients to get what they need, not just a bandaid and then sent home.

Due to my experience as a social worker, I am so fearful of the future. I have worked with many adults who have BPD and they are the most difficult patients I have. I want so much for her - she is bright, funny, smart. She really can do anything, but right now, she can't even get herself to apply for a job (she got fired from her last job).

[Mutt]

Hi wemoon,



I'm sorry that you're going through this. A reason why adolescents are not diagnosed with BPD is because adolescents have black and white thinking. I would feel sacre about keeping a loved one safe and worried about the future.  I understand how helpless that would feel when you have dealt with pwBPD but not all pwBPD are the same, BPD is a spectrum disorder, everyone is different, with different traits and severity. It helps to learn as much as possible about the disorder, you'll quickly see the benefits and become proficient over time. You can find the lessons at the top of the board.

Some experts say that a pwBPD is a shame based disorder and a pwBPD feel a lot of shame, low self worth low self esteem. Feelings are facts to a pwBPD, it's facts followed by feelings for the non. It helps to validate what your D feels.

Validation: Encouraging Peace in a BPD Family - Alan Fruzzetti, Ph.D [Video]

Many of our members here can relate you and can offere you guidance and support, you'll see that you'll fit right in, it helps to talk to people that have walked a mile in your shoes. Hang in there.

[Bright Day Mom]

I think sometimes professional experience often adds to the stress of situations. You are educated and specialize in something that has become too close for comfort within your own family.  And now you are experiencing the mental health sector from a different perspective.  I know it is difficult, try to stay in the present.  None of us have crystal balls and unfortunately cannot predict the future.  Our D's are still young and may have very promising futures. The goal is to provide them with as much education, treatment and tools so they can become better thinkers and heal.