here we go again...he moved out again

[blackorchid]

Hi,

a bit of background: me and my uBPDp have been together for 12 yrs with many a turmoil.  have been ok with no changes for a while now i have learnt the techniques and what to do when he starts raging.

i live in turkey but am english, on friday i was flying back into turkey after being back home. i landed in south turkey just 20mins after the coup had began. I was scared at the airport, my turkish phone is broke so couldnt call anyone. had no idea what was happening in my city re the coup and when i went outside there were no taxis due to the curfew. i had to wait around 35 mins for one to come. the driver was a perve and hitting on me the whole time. so my mood was brilliant when i walked into the house, mainly scared.

i rang the bell he came out and we were ok for all of 30 seconds. i came into the apartment my dog was all over me so i was giving her some love. his cousin was here i said a quick hello and that i need to call my family so they know i got home ok. i changed the news channel to english to see what was happening. that was trigger number 1. why are you changing the channnel? just for a min i said so i know whats happening. i spoke to my family and went to get changed. when i was in the hallway he shouted at me "are you not going to say hello" i said i did he said no someone else is here too. i said wait im just getting changed
that made him flip
when i came back into the living room he was shouting and going crazy that i was rude and disrespectful and hadnt acknowledged the guest (Guests are very important in turkish culture)
i said i didnt know he was here he was on the balcony when i arrived.

he went into full rage and they started getting ready on his command to leave the house. I started shouting are you crazy theres a curfew outside. i just got back to the house you havent seen me in 1 month and youre leaving. i know my reactions were bad but this was an extraordinary night as i landed into a coup

he left and returned a few hours later. when he came back he continued arguing and hit me. i called the police. i didnt press charges as they were saying i would be charged too and i dont trust turkish police.
the next day he came and wanted all his belongings and shared belongings. i refused.  i just gave him his personal belongings

when he has done this before he takes everything that we bought together eg tv and leaves me with nothing

this time i stuck to the boundary of not letting him in and just putting his things outside

now i am recieving hateful messages from his family saying if  i dont hand things over they  will call the police

as per standard i have been blocked across all social mediums and he has also blocked both my phone numbers

i am feeling lost and confused. i just landed into hell
i think that calling the police made his reaction worse.

he has a rage like this around the same week of july every year

thoughts please

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Meili]

Normally, I'm all for people who want their r/s to work, trying to make it work. But, once physical violence is involved, that is a game changer. No one should ever hit someone that they claim to love IMHO.

What is it that you want to do about the r/s at this point?

[blackorchid]

hi Meili the sane part of me agrees with that, but then the other part of me doesn't.

im questioning everything i did that night and desperately want to talk to him. but cant as  I am blocked everywhere... .

[zonnebloem]

 

Hello,

Do you have family you can return to?
I have walked out a relationship where I got hit very often and where love was non-existant.

I was very Lucky to be able to leave before I had to have his kids!

I didn't have family to return to, I went on holiday (abroad) and could I care less about a TV when I had to save my skin! I like to travel light!
Saying that, I was able to work in Israël in a Kibbutz but I don't think nowadays this is possible.

[Meili]

I truly get the conflict between the head and the heart. It is a horrible battle that we fight with ourselves.

Perhaps this period of NC can be turned into a good thing? Maybe you can use it as a period rest and to recharge?

Examining your actions from that night is fine as long as you aren't beating yourself up over them. You can't change what you did; if you did anything wrong.