Starting to freak out and don't know what to do. (dating for 3 months)

[Americansplendor]

So it's finally over. I got a message from her last night, right after seeing the shrink.

However, I did tell her that it was obvious there was no relationship and that it was doomed from the start since our personalities are too different, hers being self-destructive. I told her I was worried about her and wish she would seek help.

She was like, no worry, everything's good... .
 

Now she wants to know when she can bring me back some of my stuff. Well, I'm not going to reply to that because I know that seeing her wouldn't do me any good.

Gotta stay strong.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[wheretostart0]

this reminds me so much of what I went through with my BPD ex... it was a weird dating / fwb thing with her.

I was exactly where you are at last December... .
I had a lil needy moment and she knew she had me.

You need to pull back HARD... .don't ask her to see you when she contacts you. Act indifferent. Wait for her to ask you to see her and say your busy at least once. Pull back man.

I literally had sex with mine only one more time after that meltdown and she lost attraction and used me as an emotional backup for the next 5 months. Then I lost it on her again and she cut dumped me from our unofficial thing we had. You must stay in control and be unaffected by all of her actions. Be strong brotha.

[Americansplendor]

I'm seeing her tomorrow night after a month, she's coming to give me my stuff back.

My plan is to keep it really short and act polite.

Obviously, I would love to have ''break-up sex'', but know deep down that would be a disaster.

Gotta stay strong.

[BowlOfPetunias]

"Look, I understand that she'll never be my girlfriend and I'm fine with that.
However, I can't see what's wrong in wanting to keep hanging out like we used to."

There is plenty wrong with that approach.   She told you she does not want a relationship.  You need to add "at the moment" to that in your mind.  BPDs can get very attached and they can also change their minds/emotions very, very quickly.  Just because she does not want to be your girlfriend now does not mean she won't be convinced that you are getting married and having kids a little down the road.  While that might not sound like a problem now, you may not to marry her and have kids after you have had a full taste of her BPD behaviors.  In that case, you will most definitely be the bad guy who led her on and then abandoned her.  She may lso deny ever having told you that it wasn't going to be serious.  

Generally, it is a good idea to add "at the moment" or "right now" to ANYTHING a BPD says about his or her feelings.

[Americansplendor]

No I don't think that would've worked.

She told me clearly: I'll never love you cause you're too easy.

Whatever, I don't want to waste my time playing games. I'm 29 years old, she's 21.

[BowlOfPetunias]

I did not write that something "would have worked."  I am not encouraging you to continue to see her in hopes of having a long term relationship.  I indicated that remaining involved with her could lead to delusions on her part that would be a train wreck.  The best way to avoid such a disaster would be to disengage in order to decrease the likelihood that you would become the target of such delusions.

Stay friends?  Maybe.  Keep dating/having sex with?  Very bad idea.

"She told me clearly: I'll never love you cause you're too easy."

By the way, it is quite common for BPDs to assume that anyone who would love them must be worthless because they devalue themselves so much.  How could any good person love someone like them? 

[Americansplendor]

My plan is to politely give her back her stuff tomorrow night and then never look back.

I really don't want to engage in any chit chat. She's the worst and I don't want to get hurt anymore.