can onset be later in life

[ALMIGHTY]

Hello - I have been struggling the last few years of a 30 year marriage with someone who is displaying behavior identical to what BPD is described as. What I can't seem to find is any evidence that this can occur later in life. My husband who I have been seperated from for 2 years due to his verbal and eventual physical abuse started changing at around age 50. There were small episodes leading to dramatic irrational ones that he sometimes wouldn't remember the next day or forget. He recently had a stroke and I fell into the caregiver role in hopes it would make him realize he needed to change his ways - it has not. He is not accountable for anything he does and everything is my fault. He thinks I'm out to get him one day and says he knows how much i love him the next. His actions seem narcistic at times and they are not reality based. This has destroyed his once close relationshi with his three sons. The oldest sees that he is mentally unstable and has almost come to blows with him because he challenges him. The other two try to remove themselves and dont want to see that there is something deeply wrong. How can I help them and how can I get the man I married back to the caring man he used to be?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

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[Mutt]

Hi Almighty,



I'm sorry to hear that. I have read accounts from some members where BPD traits surface after a life event or very stressful period. 30 years is a long history, it must be  hard to see this change in your H. 

BPD is a persecution complex where the person believes that their circumstances are caused externally by somebody else. A pwBPD will project their feelings feelings on others. To answer your question about if he's going to change, it depends how aware is he? Does he sense  that there's something off? Does he want to help himself?

BPD BEHAVIORS: Projection

We're glad that you have found us. Many members here can relate with you and offer you guidance a.d support. It helps to talk to people that have a family member, partner , friend that suffers from BPD.

I suggest to read as much as you can about BPD.  The behaviors from a pwBPD can feel like crazy making behaviors to the non disordered partner. It helps understand why a pwBPD behaves the way that they and we have r/s tools that I can help you. You'll find the lessons to the right side of the board.

You're not alone. Welcome to the family.

[Henry II]

My W of 22 yrs started showing signs about 10 yrs ago . She is 63. I think she always had signs and masked them. Today we are living like brother and sister who are mad at each other. I have tried all the tools found on this site over the past few yrs and it just goes on and on. You are fortunate in that you are separated. I don't know how to counsel you but feel your pain. Please keep posting as needed and people here will help you. There are several in long term R's with BPD's.