One year later

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Thanks guys. Reforming, I have put a lot of work in. I know I would never have contacted her if she didn't ever text me. Lexisdad , I read your story last year when I was going through my stuff. Im sorry about your daughter. I have a daughter also who will be 11 soon. I went through everything you did except the physical attacks. She could be so evil one minute and charming the next. She made me crazy. She destroyed me. I cried all the time for a week and lost 15 lbs. it was bad. It makes me wonder why I have an ounce of compassion for her.

[Bigmd]

Thanks guys. Reforming, I have put a lot of work in. I know I would never have contacted her if she didn't ever text me. Lexisdad , I read your story last year when I was going through my stuff. Im sorry about your daughter. I have a daughter also who will be 11 soon. I went through everything you did except the physical attacks. She could be so evil one minute and charming the next. She made me crazy. She destroyed me. I cried all the time for a week and lost 15 lbs. it was bad. It makes me wonder why I have an ounce of compassion for her.

[Lexisdad]

Well first off. For the final year of my relationship i couldnt understand what was happening to me physically. In October my weight was 290 pounds. I had high blood pressure and low testosterone. Pre diabetic and a condition with my eye that literally felt like i had sand paper in it every day as well as it looking disfigured.Doctors couldnt figure it out Chest pains constantly from the stress.

After the breakup i decided to focus on myself. I was diagnosed with adtenal fatigue. My Testosterone level was down to 95. I decided to take control of my life. Fast forward to today. Ive gone from 290 pounds to 210 pounds. 44 waist to a 34 waist. I hit the gym hatd 6 days a week. I took up spin classes and spin at least 7 times a week. I no longer have pre diabetes or low testosterone. The adrenal fatigue is finally subsiding. Miraculouslly my eye condition cleared up. No more high blood pressure or chest pains.

I am no where over what this woman did to me but im doing much better. Ive stayed out of the dating game so far except for one woman who i saw red flags and nexted after 3 weeks.

I'll make no bones about it. I thought i was tough as nails. Ive worked the roughest neighborhoods in the biggest city in this country. Been thru more ___ than one can imagine between my career and my daughter. This relationship was no match. To this day i think of this woman every day and miss her like a junkie misses his hit. Between the psychological and physicall damage she did to me its amazing im still here to talk about it.

The truth of the matter is they are all so similar in their actions and what we were subjected to. Mine was a violent rager and a compulsive liar. Im talking 3 or 4 days a week full blown rage almost every week.The accusations of infidelity and jeoulosy was never ending  I'm 49 years old. She was 37. At this stage of my life i cant do this anymore. Hopefully i'll meet someone and fall in love with and enjoy life to its fullest. There are good women out there who will appreciate a gentleman in their live who treats them with love, dignity and respect. As far as her, i've committed myself to never having any contact in any way, shape or form for ever and ever.

[Moselle]

I decided to take control of my life. Fast forward to today. Ive gone from 290 pounds to 210 pounds. 44 waist to a 34 waist. I hit the gym hatd 6 days a week. I took up spin classes and spin at least 7 times a week. I no longer have pre diabetes or low testosterone. The adrenal fatigue is finally subsiding. Miraculouslly my eye condition cleared up. No more high blood pressure or chest pains.

Well done, it sounds like you are really looking after your physical health. Its fantastic that you have taken control of that.

It sounds like she was dangerous. I can imagine that the emotional scars run deep. Its been an interesting journey for me too. I have found the emotional scars are deeper and more difficult to heal.

Hang in there

[Bigmd]

Lexisdad, sounds like you have been through a lot. Congrats on the retirement. It's a good time to get out haha. I have about ten years left. Anyway just a quick update. All these times my ex would text me she would tell me how unhappy she was with our relationship.Now I know what's going on but I had to ask her. It was bugging me. Somsaturday night I texted her and asked why the hell was she so unhappy. She told me it was a bunch of little things. When asked to explain she said she had to go and would text me later. She never did, I said don't worry about replying and bye.
      She contacted me the next day saying she didn't understand why I said bye and said I still sound angry . I told her yesterday I was looking for some explanation about why she ended it,(I know this won't happen), and as usual she gave me double talk. I told her I'll always love her and and will never quite be over the relationship. Haven't heard from her since.

[luckyclover]

Hello Bigmd. I have one question for you. Now i have been deating a girl again first time after my BPD realationship. And i see you are in new realationship i know this feeling... .feel like you are in real realationship somekind of normal. I really like my new girl and she is totally diffrent from my ex. We have talked something about our ex.

But my question is. Have you told your new girl the whole story about your ex? What happend and how you felt? It somehow bother me that i have not tell my new girl about it but at the same time it does not metter. If you have done it how was it?

[Bigmd]

Yes , I told her the whole story. We both came from toxic relationships. It was very hard at first to move into new relationship. I pushed my new gf away at first. I felt scared and vulnerable.

[Reforming]

Hi Bigmd

I told her I'll always love her and and will never quite be over the relationship. Haven't heard from her since.

I think I can understand how you feel. Though it can be very hard it is possible to recover from a relationship. Have you discussed this your T? In my case there were fundamental beliefs underpinning these feelings that needed to confronted. Why did I think I would always love someone who wast able to love me back in the way that I needed. Not easy but worth doing

Reforming

[LadyEm]

This is my first response ever so I hope I'm doing this right.

Bigmd,
You cannot under any circumstances allow your ex back into your life.

She doesn't miss you, she misses the feeling you gave her.

When she finds out you are seeing someone else (and if you continue contact with her long enough she will find out) she will do everything in her power to break up your relationship.

Once she finds someone new she will go from warm to ice cold so quickly you will have no way to prepare for it. You will go from valiant knight to the waste from the horse faster than you can text "Our relationship is over. I'm sorry I cannot be the person you need me to be. Please don't contact me again." Blame yourself, she will anyway.

When she turns into The Ice Queen, the change in her attitude toward you will leave you reeling. As you try to wrap your head around it and the feelings it causes in you, your new girlfriend will begin to wonder (as any sane person would) "If the relationship was so unstable he is so glad to be out of it, why can't he let her go? Does he really want to be with me when he is continuing to spend so much energy on her?"

Even the most understanding partner will begin to struggle with why you're unwilling to remove such a toxic person from your life. If you are completely open and honest with your new girlfriend, she will begin to resent every time you bring up your ex. And if you hide your conversations... .well we all know how that will end.

Be thankful that you are out. Direct your ex to this website. I'm sure there is a forum here to help her. I know it's hard to accept but you can't help her. You never could and you definitely can't now. The only outcome of allowing her back into your life is pain for you.

I know this may sound weird but if you do not have a therapist, find one, preferably a doctor with experience in treating PTSD. Explain the relationship, where you are in your life, and your unhealthy compassion. Yes, you read that correctly. Fear protects us. Anger gives us strength. Both emotions bring adrenaline for either fight or flight. You survived the fight, now it is time for flight.

Godspeed,
LadyEm

Please do not go through what I went through. Please trust me.

[Bigmd]

LadyEm thanks, I'm well aware of how she can be. As typical she has gone silent. I'm sure she heard what she wanted to from me or maybe it was something she didn't want to hear. She brought her daughter back to college this weekend so I'm sure she was feeling some kind of abandonment. I just realize this is how she is and there is no helping her. She will be alone for a long time.

[Lexisdad]

A quick update! I received the how are you email and can we be freinds email 2 weeks ago. I have been strict NC since march 1st. Although in her email she made it clear she's moved on. I didnt reply.

I awaken today to an email that she s tried to reach me and it's sad i wont reply and she needs to know that my daughter is ok.Like i've said i will never answer this woman ever again. I'm not on social media, have no mutual friends and have basically ghosted her. It mustve been a very restless night's sleep for her to be up typing an email at 5 am. For the most part everyone is right, they always try and keep you on the backburner.

After the abusive tirade she unleashed March 1st over an operation my daughter was having that was it for me. I refuse to have any contact from such a toxic woman who nearly killed me.   Stay strong everyone.

[gotbushels]

I decided to take control of my life. Fast forward to today. Ive gone from 290 pounds to 210 pounds. 44 waist to a 34 waist. I hit the gym hatd 6 days a week. I took up spin classes and spin at least 7 times a week. I no longer have pre diabetes or low testosterone. The adrenal fatigue is finally subsiding. Miraculouslly my eye condition cleared up. No more high blood pressure or chest pains.

Wow! I just wanted to join Moselle in this. This is amazing! Well done Lexisdad.