Hard pill to swallow

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Growing is a lot of hard work, it's worth it, I guess I need to be paitent. S9's mother is going along in life so nice. She seems to have it all. I feel like the horrible a hole ex husband that held her back all these years and now she finally has the good man she deserves. That's how I feel. But I tell my self she wouldn't be using her BF as a flying monkey, a position he seems to relish. Around here the answer for everything is what do you expect, he's a Frenchman. That's cultural. But mentally that type of thinking doesn't help me. I don't think along those lines. My ex seems to have a skill at making me look like a deadbeat dad. I know woman who are divorced with children and make it very clear they are not looking for a father for there children. She's making look like she needs a father for our son. When does all this come crumbling down around her? My life isn't terrible but I'm alone, I'm lonley. I miss having a partner. She finds a good man and I'm finding no one, not even a second date. I am seeing after a year out of her life and lots of NC the full effect of the NPD/BPD r/s. I am getting it, what it means to be mirrored, to be an extension, my son is an extension, her BF is, her family is. She seems to be the grand puppet master. I guess I just hit a negative bump in recovery this morning.

[bus boy]

Growing is a lot of hard work, it's worth it, I guess I need to be paitent. S9's mother is going along in life so nice. She seems to have it all. I feel like the horrible a hole ex husband that held her back all these years and now she finally has the good man she deserves. That's how I feel. But I tell my self she wouldn't be using her BF as a flying monkey, a position he seems to relish. Around here the answer for everything is what do you expect, he's a Frenchman. That's cultural. But mentally that type of thinking doesn't help me. I don't think along those lines. My ex seems to have a skill at making me look like a deadbeat dad. I know woman who are divorced with children and make it very clear they are not looking for a father for there children. She's making look like she needs a father for our son. When does all this come crumbling down around her? My life isn't terrible but I'm alone, I'm lonley. I miss having a partner. She finds a good man and I'm finding no one, not even a second date. I am seeing after a year out of her life and lots of NC the full effect of the NPD/BPD r/s. I am getting it, what it means to be mirrored, to be an extension, my son is an extension, her BF is, her family is. She seems to be the grand puppet master. I guess I just hit a negative bump in recovery this morning.

[UnforgivenII]

Are you seeing a good therapist? The one you feel empowered with?

[bus boy]

Yes. I have a very good therapest. In such a rural community, I am lucky to have her. She lived through the BPD nightmare. She can relate so much.

[woundedPhoenix]

Bus Boy, i often land in these moments as well, where i compare my stand with hers.

And on the outside it sometimes all looks to work out much better for them then for us. But you see... .that is what is is... .the outside... .

Meanwhile we are working hard to shovel away the debris it left in our lifes, and are healing our soul, and life has never been that hard doing so.

But... .we are rebuilding from the ground up. When they move on, they just are investing in a new facade, with all the same unstable construction work still inside.

So... .in the long run, who do you think will be better off?

[bus boy]

WP, I am rebuilding. Thank you for reminding of that. I am looking inward and accepting the sour with the sweet. It really does help, and I do feel the best in years. My ex continues to lie and manuplate so did she move on mentally or just to a newer source. My friend is getting the finger from my ex's BF, they were friends for years and out of the blue he starts getting the middle finger. She must have some kind of control over her BF to get him to do that. I have went NC. Only text if I must. It feels so good to have her toxic poison out of my system. I was sick, depressed, confused all the time. I no longer have to deal with her talking in circles and telling things she said that she didn't say or do. What I'm trying to tell myself is normal people don't manuplate and deceive.