How often does NC bring them back around to you?

[Oncebitten]

Alright I know this is the wrong board... .but assuming I want to try this again... .how often does NC bring them back around to you?





Mod note: This post was split from https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=297468

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[once removed]

hi Oncebitten,

i dont see no contact as conducive for a stable foundation on which to build a relationship. perhaps you mean either a time out/cooling off period or a therapeutic separation?

[Oncebitten]

How should I go about talking to my ex then?

[once removed]

whats the subject matter and current level of communication? is there a need to contact her?

[Oncebitten]

we are trying to work through some issues with the hope of getting back together... .her emotions are out of control at the moment and she is being unreasonable... .talking to me then refusing to talk to me constant back and forth

[once removed]

okay. lets start here: what was the nature of the most recent conversation? how long ago, who initiated it, what was said?

[Oncebitten]

talked yesterday... I initiated, it went well... .she took something out of context got offended and told me it wasnt going to work and she was done... .keep in mind she has said this 100x

[once removed]

forgive me Oncebitten, as im not familiar with your story; more detail is needed to walk through this, stop the bleeding, and find potential solutions. the nature of the conversation (topic), what she took out of context, and how you responded will help me have a clearer picture of the situation.

things have obviously broken down, but it sounds like youre still in relatively regular contact and theres hope. it would also help me to know: has there been a significant split of more than a few days? if so, initiated by whom and what was the reason given?

[Oncebitten]

She made a joke that was self deprecating, I simply laughed and repeated it and agreed.  She took great offense and said she didn't want to talk anymore.  I tried to apologize and she wouldn't have any of it.  She hasnt spoken to me today or replied to the text I sent.

A little background we broke up about a month ago and I spent sometime with another woman while we were broken up... .still trying to repair that damage at the moment.  But everyday she finds something new to be angry about.  I know that some of this behavior is her way of trying to get me to chase her.  But I don't want to push to hard with her and drive her away.     

As far as hope there is on my side... .she switches back and forth between saying we can move forward and that its just to broken to fix.

[Cosuffer]

Hi Oncebitten.

I just resently came out of a very turbulent relasionship with a PTSD/BPD girlfriend.

I've been exactily where you guys are now. And it may sound harsh, but you got to give yourself some space, and heal. If you want to give it another try, it's very important that you are 100% in harmoni and balance, and learn to set boundaries   !
Also your girlfriend should seek some professional help. Right now you'r only ending up with her hurting you, and that way you'r to no help for yourself or her!

I finally broke all contact with my x, after 3 months of her playing push/pull with me. I serious started to get depressed and miserable.

you can read my post here, and I garentee that you will se yourself in a lot of  what I went through!

Wish you the best. And remember often she will project her guilt and anger over on you. So that she'll have a "good" reason to behave irrationally and hurtful towards you!

[Cosuffer]

My story!

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=297316.msg12789872#msg12789872

[once removed]

She made a joke that was self deprecating, I simply laughed and repeated it and agreed.  She took great offense and said she didn't want to talk anymore.  I tried to apologize and she wouldn't have any of it. 

sometimes its easier to speak about ourselves with humor, but when someone agrees with us, we get sensitive and defensive. not your fault, but something to watch for in the future. youve apologized, its probably best to let her cool off.

im guessing that even though you were broken up, she experienced you seeing another woman as a betrayal. this is only a month old and probably pretty fresh and raw, as other wounds probably are for you as well. so this probably explains her heightened sensitivity and on again off again behavior. it will take work to over come.

have you had the opportunity to learn the stop the bleeding tools? if we can get things to a smoother place with less fighting more stability and trust may follow.

[Oncebitten]

i understand why she has the heightened sensitivity... .and I know it will take a while to regain trust... .I suppose the best thing to do is to back off and let her come to me.

please share the stop bleeding tools where can I find them

[once removed]

essentially all of the lessons centered around improving the situation on this forum (Saving board, Improving board, some on the Deciding and Conflicted board) begin with stopping the bleeding, so to speak. here are some specifically labeled "stop the bleeding": https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=111890.msg1099713#msg1099713

i think going forward its important to examine how you feel about the on and off again behavior. its to be expected, for sure. is it something that you can emotionally handle? is there a limit (time length), for you?

[Meili]

You can find more information (or at least a reiteration of it) on stopping the bleeding here.