She Vanishes

[aristan2000]

We re-connected in late June, had amazing sex and she said "I love you," "I want this to work" and now she's barely communicated with me in two weeks. What gives? We've been doing great this time out!

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Meili]

You know that we can only guess as to what she might be thinking, and it's a pretty futile endeavor to do that, but... .

If we remember that BPD is a disorder of emotions, her barely communicating fits after feeling the closeness.

[aristan2000]

You know that we can only guess as to what she might be thinking, and it's a pretty futile endeavor to do that, but... .

If we remember that BPD is a disorder of emotions, her barely communicating fits after feeling the closeness.

I'm guessing there will be a flurry of communication at some point. 

[Meili]

Is this a pattern or new behavior for her?

[aristan2000]

She's done this before. The big difference is that this time things were harmonious. When we dated late last year, I didn't understand BPD and I ended up seeking treatment for all the anxiety that I experienced due to dealing with her.

[Meili]

Meaning that in the past she got quite when things were stressful, but this time they didn't seem stressful to you?

How long does she normally maintain the quiet position? It takes pwBPD longer to process emotional things than nons from what I understand.

[lar, laris]

Hey, aristan2000,

Sorry to hear that your loved one vanished after such an ideal interlude.

This is, in my experience, exactly how it goes.  I can almost guess when my loved one is going to disappear based on the intensity of what comes before.

I'm newish here, as you appear to be.  I'm glad that you put two and two together, and figured out what your person may be suffering from.  It's hard for us, too.  I hope you continue to pursue what you need, for yourself, as you decide how to respond to your LO's choices.  They are not personal. 

Are you still in therapy, for example?

lar, laris