Dealing with grief and overwhelm at work

[justnothing]

Idk if this place requires trigger warnings when talking about suicide (sorry, it’s been a while since I hung out here) but anyway: trigger warning, mentions suicide.

Well… actually I don’t really have much to say about it atm… it’s more like I wanted to ask advice, if anybody else has experience with things like their ex committing suicide right after sending them a note that it’s their fault, or something like that.

Specifically I was wondering how to deal with it while at work. At home I can try contacting people at least online and also via 1-800-273-8255 (and btw chillamom, thank you very much for the reference. I ended up using this hotline a couple of times even though I’m not in the US after all and they’re great… so thanks) but my work involves a lot of sitting at my desk and waiting for stuff and during that time I find myself thinking about it quite a lot. Today for example I got overwhelmed a couple of times so at one point I took a break and went and talked to a person from HR. She asked for permission to tell the main manager and then I got called in for a talk with the main manager who assured me that the door’s always open and they’ll make whatever accommodations I need and they’ll be checking up on me in the coming days as well.

Mind you, I appreciate very much that I have backing from the management at work but I still would rather try to avoid needing them as much as possible. Plus… I just don’t want to have a meltdown in the middle of the workday regardless… or to not be able to complete the workday or whatever…

So I was wondering if anybody had experience when it came to dealing with this kind of grief at work and how it can be managed, if you know…

[Naughty Nibbler]

HEY justnothing:   
 I'm glad that you reached out to your HR department at work.  Many employers have resources for and/or make accommodations for employees dealing with problems.

Are you getting any counseling outside of work?  

Is it possible to take a break or two during the work day and get out for a walk (perhaps at lunchtime, or break time?).  A little burst of exercise can be helpful.  If there are stairs, in your building, perhaps a few trips up and down some stairs could give you some exercise.  

In some circumstances, people are able to take a break and go to the restroom and do a few physical exercises in private.  Sometimes, just sitting and privately doing some deep breathing exercises can be helpful.

Keeping busy can be helpful.  If you have slow times at work, can you ask for something to do to benefit your employer? What can you do while sitting at your desk?  :)o you have a computer? Can you access your own smartphone?  Is there something you would want to do, during slow times?

THE BELOW LINKS GO TO A FEW IDEAS THAT MIGHT BE HELPFUL:

PANIC LIST FOR DISTRESS TOLERANCE
www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/panic_list.html

BREATHING EXERCISES
www.drweil.com/drw/u/ART00521/three-breathing-exercises.html

[justnothing]

Hi and thanks for the reply Night Nibbler. I do get counseling outside of work and actually I’m going to be seeing my therapist tomorrow (we meet on Thursdays so this’ll be the first time I’ll have a chance to talk to her about it).
I don’t have a smartphone and we’re not supposed to use the internet at our stations for anything else but work purposes (and they monitor it).
The other day I did take a “bathroom” break and used the time to call a hotline after a colleague of mine got a bit too aggravating. She’s the only person on my team whom I made the mistake of telling about all this and the reason this was a mistake is because she’s probably the least empathic person on the team. Even though I’ve been there for 3 years and she’s been there for 6 months and I participated in her training, this week she’s training a new person and for some reason she chose now of all times to start making snarky remarks about my performance in front of the new person. Normally I don’t think it would have bothered me so much but after having told her what I told her I couldn’t really stand being not-seen-and-not-cared-about to that extent.

But anyway, I think things have gotten easier at work in the past couple of days. Idk if this improvement is permanent or temporary but it at least seems easier right now.

[pjstock42]

For about the first month of this process, I had a very hard time dealing with this while at work. I originally thought that being at work would distract me / take my mind off of things but this wasn't the case. On numerous occasions, I had to leave early to go home and lay down because I just couldn't function. Just being at the office & around other people was for some reason crippling to me. A big part of this may be that my ex dumped me via a text while I was at work so I'll always have an association between that trauma and my office.

It will get better, I'm not fully there yet but it has gotten noticeably better over time, aided by strict no contact.

[uniquename]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope you know it's not your fault in your head even if it's not in your heart yet. I have received the same texts and fortunately my uBPDh was just threatening. I am also having a really rough time at work -- I think it's "self sabotage." It's internalizing the negative feelings I have toward myself that is making me think I can't do the work tasks, have no motivation to do them. I know I need to work through it. I hope you can too.

[justnothing]

Thanks everyone for the support, it means a lot to me. More or less around now will make it about a week…
Thanks to so many people I’ve had a chance to talk to (including here, both in public and in private) this week has been so much easier than it otherwise would have been. In a way I even feel a bit guilty over that because I kind of think that he’d have been upset if he’d known that a week later I’d be as okish as I am right now… but I don’t want to start complaining about feeling guilty about not feeling guilty enough… so thank you all again.