He's projecting, and you all know how devastating that can be

[Violettine]

All because I'm DEFENDING pwBPD--but because he believes only others (whom he hates) have the disorder, he now needs "space" from me--the space to spew his projections all over FB. I put myself in a weakened position by writing him a letter of apology for being invalidating. He said thank you (and didn't apologize on his end) and things were moving in a positive direction. Now I'm painted "black" again. That seems to shift daily. I wonder if it's best to only say yeah, uhuh to him in the future.

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PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[TheRealJongoBong]

The constant projections can be quite frustrating, can't they? These projections are usually a sign of dysregulation, and when that happens any attempts at logic will at best be useless and will more likely just cause more problems. Understanding the underlying feelings behind the projections is the most useful course, and validating these feelings over the long term helps to minimize the projective episodes.  If he's really dysregulating then your method of saying 'yeah, uhuh' might be the best idea because he can't really hear anything else. After he's calmed a bit some words of validation might start to sink in. Mindfulness and patience is always the key.