So yeah, my replacement contacted me...

[Ahoy]

As it reads. I'm a Police officer. My replacement called Police Communications and left a phone message with his number. I didn't realise who it was until I called the number at work... .

WOW was not expecting this! He called me up to say that he wanted to help me in whatever way I needed with my pending divorce. He explained my ex was seeing her current boyfriend and the replacement at the same time. They were on/off and when he went to give back her things she called Police on him. He knew straight then she was bad news and contacted me.

He confirmed that as soon as my ex moved interstate away from me last October they met and began a relationship. So it looks like they were together four months before I ended things. Yep he confirmed the smear campaign she told him about me to make him feel sorry for her. He realised today how manipulative she is.

In the end I understood he was lost and confused and trying to work out what had happened. I could tell he was obviously nervous about this and expected to be chewed out. I tried to explain that I think she is BPD and explained he was actually having an affair with a married woman, I think he was not happy hearing this.

Anyways in a few texts I explained what happened to me 9 months ago is now going to happen to him. I referred him to this website for closure and wished him all the best.

I feel like Dr Phil giving his closing speech but what I learned from this was that I really can't take what happened personally. I got a LOT of closure right then and it was exactly what I expected had occurred, I didn't quite think the affair stretched back as far as it did, but oh well.

This was by far and away the weirdest thing that's happened to me in my life. I'm so glad I handled it the way I did, I was polite and genuinely felt sorry for this guy.

If I can finish with a message, this information today 10000000% confirmed everything I had been suspecting about my ex. For those of you still beating yourself up about what may or may not have happened, please trust your gut feeling, don't go crazy obsessing over this, once again, trust your gut.

Well another chapter closed. Another big leap towards acceptance!

[bus boy]

Wow Ahoy, that's great closure for you. I've been expecting the same call from my replacement. But they are getting stronger together. She has the replacement, in full flying monkey mode. What started out as, hey, how's it goin, is now shaking his fist at me in rage and giving me the finger. She saw us starting to talk a bit more and now I get the finger. I've moved on but it's still a bit confusing for me. That kind of reaction out of someone I don't even know but maybe he's just as confused. I'm very happy to read about your phone call.

[Ahoy]

Wow Ahoy, that's great closure for you. I've been expecting the same call from my replacement. But they are getting stronger together. She has the replacement, in full flying monkey mode. What started out as, hey, how's it goin, is now shaking his fist at me in rage and giving me the finger. She saw us starting to talk a bit more and now I get the finger. I've moved on but it's still a bit confusing for me. That kind of reaction out of someone I don't even know but maybe he's just as confused. I'm very happy to read about your phone call.

Another thing of note. We briefly touched on idealisation.  He confirmed he got the same speeches especially about love and soul mates as I did.

Don't underestimate how powerful the draw of love bombing can be. I was on another planet, your replacement is probably feeling the same.

Just remember (from this example) what goes up WILL come down. Today it's my replacement desperately seeking closure in a year/years yours will be in a similar situation!

[duncsvoice]

Thanks for sharing Ahoy. I'm not expecting my replacement to contact me (he apparently blocked me on social media... .I genuinely have no idea who he his apart from his name and he looks like me).

I had a bit of an epiphany this weekend that the madness I was subjected to, he now is. He probably thinks of her as the love of his life, just like I did, and is probably becoming slowly addicted to the drama, and with that gradually begins to lose sight of who he is as is morphs in to a shell of the man he once was.

If I met him, I would genuinely shake his hand and wish him good luck. I've probably been painted the deepest black, but in the aftermath I realised the stories about her ex probably weren't quite as bad as she made them out.

But thanks again for your story, it helps me get a little bit of closure.

[Larmoyant]

Another thing of note. We briefly touched on idealisation.  He confirmed he got the same speeches especially about love and soul mates as I did.

.

I read a post on here that used the term 'serial soul mates'. Fits.

.Just remember (from this example) what goes up WILL come down. Today it's my replacement desperately seeking closure in a year/years yours will be in a similar situation!

.

I think this is why I'm not 'too' bothered about my ex with my replacement(s). What goes up will most definitely come down. Just a matter of time.

I can imagine how validated you must feel Ahoy and good for you. I felt validated when I read some emails from the woman I replaced. She warned him that if he ever contacted her again she'd report him to the police and his employer. Finished it off by saying he has serious issues and needs to see a psychiatrist. Now I'm saying it!

[pjstock42]

Just remember (from this example) what goes up WILL come down. Today it's my replacement desperately seeking closure in a year/years yours will be in a similar situation!

So important to remember this. The love-bombing and idealization + fairy tale like aspects of the good times can leave us feeling as though we missed out on the love of our life when in reality, they have gone through this exact cycle with numerous people in the past and will do so with numerous people in the future. As much as they want us to believe it, this was not some perfect person / soul mate who loved us up until we 100% "ruined the relationship" for whatever reasons they make up. We (probably unknowingly) became entangled with a severely toxic person and in reality, the whole thing was a ticking time bomb from the moment it started. I am in an odd way envious of what my replacement must be feeling right now, that euphoric high of the idealization phase will make you feel like you're on top of the world. However; I have nothing but pity and empathy for the initial crash that he will face once my ex decides it's time for the discard.

[Ahoy]

Yep I literally have my replacement now asking me for advice. Got another message while I was out for dinner on a date. He is very lost. The cycle most certainly continues.

I'm glad this coukd be of some help. I do miss the euphoric highs of the beginning of this relationship.

But ask a recovered heroine junkie about when he started using im sure you will see a fond smile creep onto their face when they remember the good times. This is (was?) My addiction. It's not healthy AT ALL