Reality hits hard

[Hmcbart]

I have been posting on multiple threads as I am so lost I don't know what I'm doing anymore. 

I recently started a new job and relocated us to another state.  To say this has been a stressful experience is an understatement to say the least.  Now that I have us moved into a new house, I'm struck by the cold realization of everything that was happening before I switched jobs.

Background- previous job for 13 years required a lot of travel. I would be gone 2-3 nights each week.  I would come home and she would be upstairs in the loft in most cases watching tv. I would be told that it was my turn to take care of the kids. 

Current job has very limited travel and I'm home 90% of the time.  I used to think she just stayed on the couch in the loft while the boys played video games downstairs but they way she has been for the last 2 month almost confirms it.  She rarely gets up and has not sat at the table and had dinner with me and the boys since we have been back together after the move. 

So my feelings now are that of guilt.  Have I been allowing her to be this way and basically neglect our kids for 13 years? It's maddening to think about it.  When I'm there I'm always with the boys.  I guess making up for lost time. has anyone else been through that? How to you move past it if at all?

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[Hmcbart]

Ever had one of those days when the silence is defining?

I just want to scream out loud instead on in my head!

[Meili]

Moving is stressful in the best of situations, but doing moving while changing jobs and dealing with all the emotional stuff has to be really tough. I'm sorry that you had to go through all of that at the same time.

What are you feeling guilty about exactly?

I'm also not sure what you meant by "allowing her"?  Could you please explain?

[Woods77]

You can only be responsible for your own actions and thoughts so you shouldn't think what you could have been doing really.

Could you ask or talk to her about eating together at the table? Perhaps suggest you go out and pick a new dining table together? Or new plates, if it's difficult to talk directly.