Girl I was dating went from hot to cold over night - Might have BPD

[de1991]

Okay, so I met this girl online and and we spoke for a good 2 months before I met her. Took this long because honestly initially I wasn't even sure I wanted to but she kept pursuing me. I eventually decided to give it a go and meet her, we hit it off and I actually quite liked her and she quite liked me, even telling me the next day.

All was good, we carried on meeting up, really enjoying each others company and we really liked each other. She would tell me how much she likes me, how she's never felt so comfortable with someone before, how the more she sees me the more she likes me. She would contact me everyday, send photos, always want to arrange to do things and if I couldn't would kind of sulk that it was too far away to wait for.

She begged me to come over her house one day then asked me to come over the next and during this second time she was messing about and I jokingly said "you're too comfortable with me", it was obvious I was joking but that's where it all changed. She was fine the rest of the night and even early the next day but then she was suddenly completely off, she did mention that I said that and that she needed to alter her behavior even though I told her it was a joke. We didn't talk too much the next couple of days but I didn't think any of it but met up 3 days later for a meal and that's when something felt a little off but nothing too extreme at the time. After the meal I assumed I'd be going back to hers like usual as that's what'd been doing the last number of times but then suddenly I couldn't because her roommate didn't want me over as much which now I believe was a total excuse. I looked a little annoyed and things left a little funny but we didn't have a massive argument although she seemed to make it out like it was when it wasn't at all. We agreed to meet up again but now things felt very off, she was cold, distant and didn't initiate any conversation. We met again and she talked non stop, was friendly and conversation flowed well but did she keep her distance and we didn't engage in any touch. Finally I asked her out again and she basically rejected it with some stupid excuses. I said if she's just lost interest to be honest and she said it wasn't about losing interest and more she isn't ready for commitment and/or a relationship which is weird as this girl was incredibly forward, way more than I was. What's weirder she still said she wanted to go ice skating off her own back. Her stated reason was that the 'comfortable' comment 'changed things' and made her think about 'other stuff too' even though she knew it was a joke.

I decided to do no contact for 2 weeks, give her space and see if she contacts me off her own back plus to make sure I didn't come across needy after rejection. No contact from her so I sent a really breezy message basically asking if she still wanted to go ice skating on Whatsapp. She's been online on whatsapp multiple times but hasn't clicked into our chat convo as to not show she's read the message although I know she would have read the majority of the message from the lock screen notification and she ended up not replying. I'm shocked she just completely ignored it when we got on so well over the 10 times we saw each other and the 3 months we spoke to each other (2 months online, 1 month in person). Only 3 weeks ago she was literally begging me to go ice skating.

I will add she'd had CBT for 'self esteem' issues and even had to leave mid uni degree due to in her words 'going crazy for a bit' which they only let you do if you have a very good reason. She had a ex who cheated on her and another she dated who did something else bad at some point. This seems to of been last year.

I don't know if she does have BPD but something is definitely weird. I don't get the vibe at all she has found someone else nor do I think she has. This is reasons why I believe she might have BPD.

- She was crazy into me from the start, almost too much and then switched to completely cold literally almost over night and stopped virtually all contact.
- She would worry about me dating other girls and would subtle mention it a lot
- She wanted to have unprotected sex without knowing me well or asking me any of my previous sex history
- She would sulk if I didn't meet her as soon as she liked or especially when I didn't stay over house over night.
- She's completely ignored and I don't understand why, we got so well and she definitely was extremely into me
- She had CBT for self esteem and went 'crazy' to the point she had to leave uni
- She chased me for long and so hard that it's weird that she dropped me after only a month when she also admitted to liking me so much
- Her Mum apparently hates her for no clear reason, going so far as to buy her a house to get her out of her own a few years ago

I've literally never met someone who's chased me for so long, shown so much interest in me to literally not even caring at all nor even wanting to speak to again for no reason at all over night.

Sorry for the long post, any comments would be great.

[VitaminC]

Hi there de1991,



 You've obviously been searching around the internet a bit to try to explain this thing to yourself. It can certainly be confusing to have someone come on very strong quite suddenly and then for all that apparent emotion to just evaporate. It can leave us reeling and wondering what on earth happened and if we were the ones who misread or misunderstood something.

Chances are you did not, and from what you describe in your post, it sounds like push-pull behaviour, which is quite typical of someone with BPD. There's fairly comprehensive info on the disorder here, if you want to take a look: https://bpdfamily.com/content/what-borderline-personality-disorder

What would you like to have happen now? How are you dealing with this?

[de1991]

Hi there de1991,



 You've obviously been searching around the internet a bit to try to explain this thing to yourself. It can certainly be confusing to have someone come on very strong quite suddenly and then for all that apparent emotion to just evaporate. It can leave us reeling and wondering what on earth happened and if we were the ones who misread or misunderstood something.

Chances are you did not, and from what you describe in your post, it sounds like push-pull behaviour, which is quite typical of someone with BPD. There's fairly comprehensive info on the disorder here, if you want to take a look: https://bpdfamily.com/content/what-borderline-personality-disorder

What would you like to have happen now? How are you dealing with this?

I'm not even sure, I hoped we could just be friends and still talk now and again but she's not just completely ignored me which I find really weird. One minute she thought I was the best thing on the planet next she doesn't even want to know I exist, it's hard to get my head around.

I'm dealing with it quite badly, it's shocked me a fair amount and left me pretty depressed for the last few weeks :/